Shawn's POV
"Shawn, you can't use that as an excuse. You got married, you got a divorce, you're not the only one whose done that. You can't keep saying you suck at relationships, you hid my favorite book from me for a year and then you totally ignored me for two months like I was in the wrong." Her words hit me like a brick, because they're the truth. I keep hiding behind that failed relationship, taking the title of the victim.
"I know." I whisper and I don't know what else to say, I have to just look away.
"I just- I just don't want you to keep using that as an excuse, if something doesn't work out, it's not always your fault, it's not always a reason for you to act any way you want to. I don't want to yell at you. That's not why I came." II don't feel attacked from her words, but I did want more time to prepare, I was planning on waking up early and writing a note to remind myself of what to tell her, what I wanted to make sure that she knew.
"I know. I know Nora." Her name just burns on my lips. Just me speaking her name makes me ache. This could be it, this could be all we ever do, if I let her out of this room with the way this conversation is going, I will lose her forever. "I just got scared." I tell her.
"Scared?" She asks, looking back at me, a hint of curiosity in her face.
"I don't know how to explain it." I'm suddenly itchy as I rub my scalp, the back of my hand where my tattoo is. "I came home to New York and when you saw that book I could literally just feel my world crumbling. I didn't mean for it to turn out like that, you have to believe me. It was just like the longer I kept it, the harder it was to show it to you and I couldn't think of any way to tell you without me sounding like a complete stalker." I swing my feet lightly brushing the ugly green carpet under me.
"But you could have told me. It makes it worse that you hid it, it makes you sound like a stalker even more." The word stalker sounds ugly. Makes it sounds like I'm a creepy man in the shadows of the night.
"I know, a thousand times I should have told you, I've told myself again and again that I needed to show it to you and I didn't. I admit my mistake. All I can do now is ask for your forgiveness." I close my eyes and run my fingers through my hair. I take the time to look at her and see how beautiful she is. She looks so relaxed, with her skin tanner, her hair is down against back. Her coral colored shorts show her long, lean legs, and she's just gorgeous.
"Honestly Shawn, I don't know what I'm saying but I feel like I can forgive you about the book. I don't understand why you did it, but I have my book back. I don't really care how I got it back, but I did. You didn't go about it the correct way but what's done is done." She moves back and forth slightly in the office chair. I don't know how to take what she just said to me.
"Are you sure?" I ask, this feels to good to be true.
"I'm serious. But you still ignored me for two months Shawn." Ah, the other elephant in the room. As if I could forget the other thing I did. "Why did you do that?" Her voice is rough when she asks, I can see her bottom lip quivering. I kept focusing on the book, I forgot about the two months I never even acknowledged her.
This is when I need a distraction. This is when I need the lights to flicker, or a sharp noise to come from the beach, or fuck, I'll take an asteroid hitting the building right now.
"I don't know." I tell her. It's the truth.
"I was so confused. I didn't care so much at first because I was mad at you, but then Nonna died and I needed you." I look up at her words, I watch as she swallows and looks away, I can't help but notice the tears settling in her eyes. "I needed you Shawn, and you weren't there." She shrugs her shoulders and faces her back to me, I can still see her in the mirror, God I'm such an idiot. Of course she needed me.
