Shawn's POV
"So you do this all the time?" I ask, wiping my greasy fingers on my pants. Something I'm sure I'd get in trouble for when I was younger, but the power of adulthood lets me do whatever I want. I smile at the thought that age gives you the power to do what you want yet sometimes all you want is to just hang out at home and have your mum do your laundry and cook for you again.
"Um, just a few times in the summer. The nights when it doesn't get too hot." I watch as she uses the back of her hand to wipe cheese away from her mouth. Not graceful at all yet still something to watch. "I usually have friends stay over, or sometimes when I'm just really drunk I come up here so I won't get yelled at in the morning." She explain. I laugh at the sight of Nora drunk. I've seen it a few times and it's quite a sight, she's just so relaxed. "Jeez, it probably sounds like I drink all the time. I really don't." She takes a sip of her water and swirls the straw around her with her tongue. I can only imagine feeling her tongue on me. I pinch the bridge of my nose to try and remove the images out of my head. It's never an easy task but I respect Nora so I'm not pushing anything sexual until she's ready.
"I know you don't." I try to respond quickly so she doesn't think I'm not paying attention. I tend to wonder off mentally quite a bit, lost in my thoughts.
We lean back on the outdoor couch as Nora pushes the pizza box away with her feet, cuddling up to me as much as possible. I just like being near her, and her hair is all over my face but I don't care. Her light perfume stays on my jackets, reminding me of her for hours and even days after.
"I love this." She whispers just loud enough for me to hear. I don't respond quickly, just holding onto her tighter. Sometimes we don't always have to speak in moments that emotionally compel us, we just have to be present. "When are you leaving?" She pulls away and looks up at me.
"In a week." I let my shoulders drop and I can't hid that I'm not excited about leaving her. I don't want to at all but I want to see my family so badly. I just miss my sisters and my mum and dad and my friends. I would love to have Nora come with me but I know she won't.
"I'm not going to lie, it makes me really sad." She takes a defensive stance and pulls her legs up, creating distance between us. "I feel like you and I will get put on pause." She sniffles and looks away, pretending something in the sky has interested her instead.
"I think we'll be fine." I assure her. "I've done the distance thing before." I remind her then quickly realize my mistake.
"But you and Camila cheated on each other." She reminds me, that is the truth, they say that distance makes the heart grow fonder but sometimes it puts so much strain on a relationship and you don't always make the best decisions.
"I know." I take a deep breath to carefully choose my words. "But I've already promised you that I'm not doing that again, I'm not like that anymore. I'm not going to sit back and let a stupid decision change what we've built." I pull my leg up to move my body and face her. To really study her reactions to the words I speak.
"What do we have? Like what is this? Are we just friends with benefits or are we more? We've never really talked about it." She starts off strong but then gets nervous towards the end of her statement, tucking her toes in, trying to make herself as small as possible for some reason.
"Well I can assure you that we're not just friends with benefits. You mean way more to me a friend with benefits. I mean, I love you." I assure her. "I just don't know about a title." I watch her carefully as she bites her lip and looks away. I don't want to hurt her but I'm going to be gone for two months. That's a lot of pressure to put on a new relationship. I've done it before, it's difficult.
"Okay." I let out a deep breath, that tone of voice is something I know from women. She's telling me okay, but I know she's not okay.
"Nora, just let me explain. I want to be with you. I sound crazy I know, but I can see a future with you. I can see us together for a long time. But we're going to be apart for two months. Maybe longer, I always change my mind when I go home because it's so hard for me to be apart from them. You're busy, I'll be busy, a five hour time difference." I start to explain, I'm sure if I listen to myself I'll actually sound like a complete idiot. I'm just digging myself deeper into a hole.
"Shawn." She puts her hand up. "It's okay. Honestly." She smiles but I know I'm just messing up, I know I've said somethings that were hurtful. It's not that I don't want to be with her, the timing is just off. I didn't expect to see her again from the train when I came back. I stayed in the city because of her. Because I feel like we have more then just right now, we have more then just a few months.
"I just don't want us to feel that added pressure. But I want to be with you, it will happen." She clasps her arm over mine and puts her legs down, letting her body relax against mine, finally closing the distance between us.
"So if you weren't leaving..." Her voice tapers off as in question.
"I'd be asking you to move in with me." I say it before I even think about it, it literally just spews out of my mouth and I'm thankful for the dark sky because I know I'm red with embarrassment. I want her to move in with me? Way to scare the shit out of someone Shawn. "I wasn't thinking, I just said it." I try to backtrack.
"It's a little fast Shawn." She laughs. "Plus you know I'll be staying here until something happens with Nonna." She looks away to hide her emotions. I know talking about Nonna upsets her, I don't try to push it. If she wants to talk to me about it, I'll listen.
"I know. Sorry." Gah, why do I always say the dumbest things? Of course she wouldn't move in with me. I've told her I love her and we're not even boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm an idiot. She squeezes my hand and a slight smile appears on her lips. With this moonlight, she's just beautiful. Her skin, her brown hair tied up, all of her soft features are just accentuated.
"Should we bring up the blowup mattress?" She smiles as we stand and I follow her down the steps.
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I've always hated air mattresses.
I'd much rather spend the night in a cramped bed fighting for room with her fat black cat, Albert. But this is what Nora wanted so this is what I do. Seriously, every move we make is echoed with squeaks and the movement of sheets. Sleep is not happening. I think we've literally been laying here for hours.
Of course Nora is asleep.
I just don't know what to do sometimes, like right now I'm tired but completely content with just sitting here, feeling the wind, knowing that she's here. I know that when I leave I won't be getting much sleep, I'll just be thinking of her instead. I should have just asked her to be my girlfriend. The whole process is so stupid in my opinion. I mean, I feel like it's so high school to ask if she'll be my girlfriend. We could just assume, and I'm sure she feels the same way but I'm nervous for this trip. I always find ways to screw everything up and tonight was obviously one of those times.
I notice the mattress shift as she moves to her side and gravitates closer to me, moaning just slightly as she snuggles her chin closer to me. I'm not completely smart, but I feel like this is where I belong. Like a big epiphany, like meaning of life is to just spend time with someone you love.
That's when I feel the first drop. I wipe it away from my face, maybe it's just a sprinkle. When I feel it again and again Nora wakes up.
"What's happening?" She asks as the rain just starts pouring from the sky. "Holy shit." Nora jumps from the mattress as she rips the top sheet off the bed and lays it over her hair, running towards the steps. "Are you coming?" She yells through the sheets of rain. I'm behind her in an instant as we race down the steps. Nora throws open her window and quickly climbs inside, I try to do the same gracefully but end of up literally just throwing myself into her room, landing with a thud on the hardwood floor.
"Are you hurt?" She asks, her hair dripping.
"Just my pride." I groan, pushing my neck to the side as it pops.
"I didn't know it was going to rain tonight." She rings her hair out carefully and rummages through her drawers to find dry clothes. I laugh just slightly, of course this would happen to us. I watch as she walks around me and closes the window. Once she turns I notice we're close. Really close.
I watch as she breaths just a little quicker, taking another step towards me. And then she kisses me.
