Nora's POV
I've been counting down the minutes until I can close the store. Shawn is here. After two months, he's finally back state side and I just can't wait to see him. It's like my body knows he's here. I can't quit bouncing on my toes, at least one part of me is moving constantly, my toes, my fingers, my feet. I'm so anxious I feel like I'm going to self destruct.
It's been a month since Nonna was found wondering outside and I never told Shawn. It seemed like he was always so distracted when I was on the phone with him. I don't know if it was the fact that he was around his big family so he was getting distracted or other things on his mind. I know that his run in with Camila and Shahid was more difficult then one can probably imagine and communication isn't always the easiest thing when it comes across the ocean but I just couldn't bare to tell him about Nonna.
I could cry thinking about her right now. Salvatore took her away from us. She's almost two hours away from us now, in a facility. It's a nice place, they have a low nurse to patient ratio. She attends classes, she has a book reading club but I've learned she struggles with it. It breaks my heart to know that she's alone. She's with other people but she's not with her family. She's alone. It breaks my heart to picture her like that. Mama and I just shut the door to her room. We don't really know what to do with it. Walking into her room makes me feel like she's dead. I just cringe at that word.
Mama and I have gone to see her on the weekends, I know that Salvator, Ysabella, Vera, and Piero have never visited her. It's been a month, they're only an hour away and they don't take a single second out of their day to visit her. I can't stand them. At least Leo is around. He tries to see her twice a week but he's busy with school still too. I'm just so thankful that he's around to be there for her when we can't.
I had one phone call with her that felt like it ripped me to pieces. I called her like I do everyday because she's up early in the morning to go to water aerobics and she didn't remember me. I usually speak to her in Italian because it's easier for us and she had no idea who I was. I was walking to the shop and I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. I couldn't feel my legs anymore. I had to lean against a building and I slowly slid down. Usually people in the city don't want to deal with other people's problems and I understand that. It's easier to just focus on yourself. So I sat on the sidewalk for I don't even remember how long, sobbing.
It's like you know whats coming, everyone dies. No one lives forever but it's like Nonna is dying and I can't save her. Her body is still here but she is gone. I ended up calling Shelby and asking her if she could go in for me. It was over her Christmas break so she was free but it just broke my heart. After I got up I just wondered around the city, I went to the park for hours. It was cold but I didn't care, my mind was elsewhere.
I couldn't tell Shawn. I know it's selfish but I've always just felt like if I tell people that means that it's true. And I don't want this to be true. This is a living nightmare for me. And the more people I tell then the more real it becomes. It sounds stupid but this is how I'm protecting myself. I know it's stupid because he should be involved but I know he's going through his demons too.
I'm just tired of being sad about it. I feel like I'm too young to just be tied down with everything. I just want to be free. I have so many days that I just want to pack up everything and hop on a flight to wherever the hell I want and never return. Just leave. But I love my life. I love my mom, my Nonna, I love the flower shop and I don't know if I want to just disappear.
The clock ticks and I'm just done. I can't wait any longer, he hasn't been home probably more then twenty minutes but I'm just done. I quickly check the flowers in the buckets to make sure there is enough water and leave the mess on the wooden island downstairs. It's all flower scraps so it won't damage anything it's just a mess. I frantically search through my purse to find my mass of keys and lock the door, pushing it a few times to make sure and then finding my other key to make sure the gate comes down. It's so slow, I'm tapping my feet waiting impatiently.
The subway is always crowded, Christmas is over so the smell of the holiday is over and here I am sitting in the subway station waiting with the smell of stale urine surrounding me. Ah, I just want to see him. I don't even sit down, I don't want to sit because I want to be the first one off the train car.
I haven't let him know I'm coming I don't even want to take the time to call him because I didn't want to miss the train, I didn't want to miss the stop. I walk quickly to his building. I've walked past here just a few times, it's not an area I frequent but I still know this building. The elevator can't come quick enough, it's like the slowest thing I've ever experienced.
The doors finally ding and open and I push the button to his floor numerous times then the close button even more as I lean against the side and try to calm myself. I'm so nervous to even see him. My palms are sweaty, I keep having to wipe them on my pants, it's quite attractive. I giggle to myself and that helps. But as soon as the elevator stops my nerves pick right back up.
His front door is just down the hallway and to the left, I gather myself and knock on his door, I can hear he's talking to someone. I don't hear another voice so I can assume he's on the phone with someone. I'm literally bouncing on my toes. When he opens the door I know I just can't stop smiling. He's chatting on the phone but the look he gives me just makes me melt. He moves to the side so I can come in and he instantly grabs my hand and hugs me. Someone he's chatting with sounds like he's just rambling and Shawn lets me know that he's sorry. I just want to kiss him. My body just fits around his and I don't want to let go.
"I'll be off the phone soon." He whispers in my ear. "I'm sorry. It's Luke, he's rambling." He kisses my ear and all I want to do is rip the phone away from his ear and kiss him.
I nod as I take my jacket off and slip my shoes off, tossing my purse under the small side table, looking around. I know he had someone come and clean the place a few times, but other then that it was just empty.
"No, Luke, everything is fine." I hear him chat and I kind of giggle. I can see him pacing back and forth making gestures with his hand to try and make Luke wrap it up but it's obvious that Luke isn't getting his tone of voice.
I pull my sleeves over my hands to keep them warm as I wonder around his place. I stop in front of the books of course, looking to see if there is anything that I should read, occasionally laughing at Shawn's conversation. He's tried to tell Luke a few times now that I'm here but he's not listening.
Browsing all the books, I just love book bindings, he has a lot of older books and sone first editions so it makes me love them even more. I pull out a smaller book by comparison because it's one of my favorites. The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton. The same book that I lost on the train almost a year and a half ago now. It still makes me upset that I lost it. Shawn is still pacing around when I start flipping through the pages. Then I see it. I freeze.
Lucia,
You will never regret your decision to marry me. I will love you until the flowers no longer bloom, the sun doesn't shine, and the birds don't fly.
Love, Salvatore
This is my book. This is Nonna's book, the book I lost. How does he have this? My breath hitches a little and I place my hand over my heart. How does he have this? I ask myself again and I look up to him with the book in my hand. I watch as his face falls. It's like a secret he's tried to keep has been told.
"Luke, I've got to go." He speaks and just hangs up the phone, not even waiting for him to respond.
"Why do you-How do you have this?" I ask, my hand shaky with nerves, I can't even look at him.
"Nora." He puts his hand out and walks over to me quietly. "I can explain."
"Please do. You know how much I've wanted to find this book. You know how much this meant to me." I clutch the book against my chest. Nonna's favorite book.
"I saw you that day on the train. You left the book and so I took it. I tried to get it back to you but you were gone for days then I had to go home. I saw you again and I didn't think we'd become this, become what we are." All my emotions just over come me. He kept this from me and he knew how much this book meant to me.
"We are nothing." I push past him and grab my things.
"Nora wait!" He calls after me and I pause at the door. I'm furious.
"Ma tu sei stronzo?" I ask, knowing he has no idea what I'm saying. It's my secret, cursing is so much prettier in Italian. "Vaffanculo!" I gesture and slam the door behind me.
