Nora's POV
Time sometimes passes quickly. Other times painfully slow. When you want time to slow down, it doesn't, I wanted my time to pass slowly in New Zealand. It didn't. Days passed so quickly, hours felt like seconds, minutes like nanoseconds. I tried to spend my time preparing myself to see Shawn but nothing was preparing me. I was still anxious to see him, it still felt like I couldn't breath at times thinking about what I was going to say to him.
Time flies when you're having fun, but what they don't tell you is time flies when you don't want it to either.
New Zealand was beautiful. The green grass, the weather was amazing, the people were so friendly and inviting. I never once felt like a foreigner from the way I was treated. I know New Yorkers don't treat visitors the nicest so I'm thankful that not every place in the world is like that.
But Rio. My God, Rio is gorgeous. Every place has a positive, something about a lot of things is beautiful. Not talking about prisons or serial killers, no beauty in that. But places are beautiful. I could spend hours on this beach, the Copacabana, the sandy beach, the perfect blue water. I've already seen Christ the Redeemer twice. The view from up there is breathtaking. You really learn a lot about yourself when you travel to a foreign country by yourself. My mom wasn't too thrilled about me going to Rio by myself, mainly because I can't speak Portuguese, but the people here are so friendly.
I want to see Shawn.
But I don't.
I spent the morning trying to sleep in, but with jet lag, even after a week, I was still up at six am. I took a morning walk on the beach, just a few surfers out, some people picking up trash, cleaning up the beach. It's so quiet and peaceful. The tide is low, the breeze is just slight. I'm trying to concentrate and yet relax because I just have a million thoughts running through my head.
I don't want to be a pushover when I see him, I have a feeling that I will just crumble as soon as he says my name. After he called me I felt like I was in pieces. I want closure, I need closure. I need something if I'm being honest. When I found out he took my book and he came to see me it all happened too soon. Then he left and just never answered my calls. It wasn't my thing, it wasn't my problem. I just needed space and he gave me way to much of it to be honest. A few days would have been fine but he gave me two months, too much happened and I needed more then he gave me.
I might crumble, but I might be a complete bitch at the same time. He's coming all the way down here and I'm just all mixed up inside. This beach and sand isn't relaxing me one bit. It should be, the sound, the salty smell, the waves are always fresh, and new and I feel like the beach should rejuvenate you but my mind is too wild.
Shawn tried to call me yesterday but I wasn't ready to hear him yet. God, I'm so childish at times. I sit on the beach and rub my temples. What am I doing?
I can't wait any longer, it's not even seven am, we're suppose to meet after lunch sometime but I need to get this over with now. I need to clear my mind. I dig in my bag and pull my phone out, finding his name easily as he just called me yesterday.
"Hello?" His voice is groggy and I know I've woken him up. He just arrived yesterday so I'm sure his sleep schedule is messed up but lets just get this over with.
"Hey. Sorry I woke you up." I dig my toes in the cold sand.
"No, no, it's okay." I can hear what I can assume is the sheets messing around and him groaning. I can picture him rubbing his mouth and running his fingers through his hair. This might not be good for me. I'm missing him. "What's going on?" He asks.
"I know it's early, but can we just talk now?" I stand quickly and lightly bounce from foot to food, a slight breeze came up making my legs covered in goosebumps.
"Um yeah." His voice is a little frantic with my sudden revelation. "Where do you want to meet?" He asks.
"Well I'm all ready and walking around, maybe just your hotel?" I suggest, I just want to get this over with.
"Yeah, that will work. I'm staying at the Ora Copacabana it's just right off the beach. How long do you think it will take to get you here?" He asks.
I look around the beach and see the sign for the hotel. "I'd say about four minutes." I laugh to myself, way to catch someone off guard. "I'm on the beach right now so I can actually see your hotel." I inform him and I can literally hear his breathing quicken and I know I should have just waited but the plans are already in motion and I just want to do this.
"O-okay. I'm in room 412."
"See you in a bit." I hang up the phone and continue walking across the beach. I drop my cheap flip flops on the sidewalk across from his hotel and try to brush as much sand off my feet as possible. I dodge the cars and land safely on his side of the street. This is really happening.
I nod at the reception crew and walk past them, pretending I know exactly where I'm going but in all honesty I have no clue. Thank you to the picture signs I can find the elevators. At least numbers are the same in every country. My hands are shaky as I press the number four and the doors close. He knows I'm coming, no backing out now. Well, I could, he did it to me.
Shaking my head at my thoughts I make my way to his room. Room 412. I knock quickly, maybe he won't answer and then I can just leave and we can try this later. But my thoughts are erased when he answers the door. Hair disheveled, stubble adorning his face and neck, eyes still sleepy.
"Hi." He smiles sleepily and leans against the door frame. I'm tingling, literally feel like my body is on fire from just seeing him.
"Hi." I look away, slightly messing with my hair. God, why does he make me so nervous right away? I have to stay strong, I tell myself over and over again.
"Sorry, come in, come in." He moves away from the frame and just like that the moment is over as he breaks eye contact, his body language changes just a little bit. I take slow breaths in and out and follow him into the room. It's a simple room, nothing over the top, his clothes still folded in the open suitcase, bed unmade, the window open just enough to get a slight breeze. They typical mass produced pictures hanging over the bed, short, uncomfortable green carpet under my feet. I don't really know where to go, I don't want to sit on the bed as Shawn has done so I pull out the office chair by the desk and take a seat.
"Thank you for meeting me so early and coming all this way." I start. If you think about it, I really was asking a lot from him. It's not like he can't manage it, his career is flexible and he has the funds to travel but that doesn't mean he had to.
"Yes, of course. I'm so sorry." He starts and I want to speak but I can tell he's not finished telling me everything he wants to say. "I suck at relationships." He continues and I can't let him continue.
"Shawn, you can't use that as an excuse. You got married, you got a divorce, you're not the only one whose done that. You can't keep saying you suck at relationships, you hid my favorite book from me for a year and then you totally ignored me for two months like I was in the wrong." I speak quickly before I second guess myself and refrain from telling him how I feel. I don't need to hide it, I don't want to hide anything anymore.
I study him and his shoulders drop as if I've completely called him out and he's taken aback by it. He leans on his elbows and licks his lips, looking away at the floor. "I know." His words are hardly audible.
"I just." I pause and take a deep breath to collect my thoughts. "I just don't want you to keep using that as an excuse, if something doesn't work out, it's not always your fault, it's not always a reason for you to act any way you want to." I didn't want this to turn out like this, I can feel myself becoming angry. "I don't want to yell at you. That's not why I came." I watch as he's still slumped and just taking my words in. I know I've woken him up, I know it's not the best way to wake up in the morning between a phone call and a serious conversation but I need him here, I need to do this. We need to do this.
"I know. I know Nora." They way he says my name still just kills me, it makes me relax easily and I just want to finish this and figure out whats next. Is there a next?
