Only the Moon Watching

Chapter 16: All My Bad Boyfriends

"Did they get you?" Shiv asks, sneaking up on me in our room and tickling my ribs. "Did you like them?"
I jump and wriggle away from her, my spine suddenly itchy all the way to my scalp. "They were nice," I lie. "I think they liked me fine."

"Are you impressed I gave out all the nicknames?" she asks. "I bet you thought Grifta was the only one with a clique. She's inherited Kristina Kelly's old minions but I have a few of my own, too. It's like Shawshank in here, brains can get you things muscle can't. Everyone's got letters to home to write, letters from lawyers to read. If you're good with words you can get a lot in return. I can help you compose a villanelle for Steak if you're ready–"

"A what?"
"Come on, Jos, I thought you could keep up with me! You're a smarty-pants."

"What were you studying again? I thought you were doing an accountant's–"

"But I also read, yes. Now do you want to reply to his love letter, yes or yes?"
"You've read it?"
"Of course! Knicked it the moment you fell asleep last night – already sweeter than anything he sent Kristina Kelly. Those were rarely more than 'A/S/L?' 'DTF?'"

"I thought you said they talked about granfalloons?"

She pulls the letter out from under her pillowcase and I snatch it back.

"Why do you always call her Kristina Kelly, anyway? Why not just Kristina?"

"Oh I don't know!" giggles Shiv. "It's not even her real last name!"

"It's not?" I'm reaching under my bunk for the pen and notebook but I stop, surprised.

"Nah, we got in at around the same time. I gave everyone their nicknames, remember. She was so basic I was calling her Kelly, at first. She hated it! Finally learned her name was Kristina – and she had enough sway to get people to use it – but my name had stuck too. She was cursed with a double first, like Justin Bobby! God, do you remember him? I miss TV so much...

"She thought it was so embarrassing and I loved it!"

I pull the notebook onto my lap and flip past Tangler's threatening scribbles again.

"So what should I ask him?" I ask Shiv casually.

"What should you ask STEAK!?" she says loudly.

I shush her, putting the pen to my lips and pointing at the ceiling, in case he's listening. A few floors above, someone clangs on their bowl. I'm too embarrassed to want to be overheard.

(I'm not even sure I want to write to him, yet!)

"You already know he's interested, since he made first contact. So now you can set the tone. What do you want from him? You know he's a trustee so you could, conceivably, be alone... Ask him for a dick pic!"

"Shiv, no!"

"Ask him for a dick pic for me, then, and then ask him whatever you need to know. Do you care about height? IQ? Sense of humor?"

I shake my head.

"No?" Shiv asks, wide eyed.

"Well, yeah. I do, I guess. I don't know. I've never met someone over an app before. I guess I also like to get a feel for people in person. I don't know what I like, exactly, until I've known it. Does that make sense?"
"Background reveal," Shiv says, nodding. "This is the part in the murder mystery where we go to a seedy bar, I get you drunk, and delve into your history. You tell me about all the guy's you've dated, we try and find a common thread, we pull it, we realize which one is our suspect..."