Only the Moon Watching

Chapter 48: The Other Library Date

DATE NIGHT? LIBRARY

"His handwriting looks odd. He's never written in all caps before!" I feel like Shiv, acting like a detective. "Is this his ADHD flaring up?" Making it hard to be precise and focused?

Chet smirks and shrugs. "You'll have to wait and see."

"There's no time. When do you think–?"
"Now seems good," says Chet, looking over his shoulder. "Garda Girdle's checking Vapor out. You have a few minutes..."

Shiv stands and catches my eye. I cock my head in the direction of the library, non-verbally asking if she wants to walk with me.

"It's all caps! That's unusual, look! Do you think it says something about his mental state?" I pass the note to Shiv as we hurry down the hallway, risking our hands being out of the waistbands of our pants.

Hands are weapons in this facility...

So are words, I think. So are notes. Just one slightly-off-seeming message from Steak and I'm a nervous wreck. What if he's really struggling?

Shiv laughs at my nervousness. "We'll see when we get to the library..." she teases.

"I don't know how you can take this lightly, Shiv, it's barbaric! It's one thing they restrict how many tampons we get. Whatever. But the fact that people can just be taken off their meds? With no warning, no weaning. Just: 'the doctor messed up, he's gone! Everyone's shit out of luck?'"

"We're in jail, but. Basically forgotten."
"That's what you should go back to school for!" I say passionately. "Criminal justice reform. How does messing with someone's medication rehabilitate them? How are we supposed to contribute to society when we can't even think straight!"

"Your brain's just fine, his is the one that needs–"

"But I'm not fine, am I? I care about him and it hurts to see him hurting."

Shiv grabs my arm and steers me into the library. I crane my neck, looking for Steak. "Chet said now's a good time but I don't see him! Why didn't the note have a meeting time? How am I supposed to know when–"

"Because," Shiv rolls her eyes, "It's a date night with me."

The tarps are gone. So are Steak's flashlights. The library is it's normal fluorescent, moldering self – except – Shiv pulls a hard cover law book off the shelf, revealing the insides have been hollowed-out. She tips it towards me and I see it's full of chocolate.

"Girl's date?" she asks.

"You wrote the note? Is that why it's in all caps, to disguise it?"

We sit on the floor and stuff our faces.

"Been saving up all week," Shiv says through a mouthful of Hershey's. "People kept bringing me things for Vapor's going away party – she wouldn't have wanted sugar there, though, you know how she thinks it's the most abused-substance in America or whatever!" She fixes her eyes on me, seriously: "I just wanted to check in on you. Make sure you're actually ok."
"About...smuggling drugs for Steak?" I ask quietly.

"About the motivation behind that risky decision. About your feelings for him. It's wild. You must really like the guy to risk upping your sentence. You really didn't deserve to be in here, in my opinion. And now – sneaking in drugs – that's a totally different ballgame."

I unwrap a new chocolate bar and take a huge bite so I can buy myself some silence.

"It just seems like... I mean, you told me your dating history," says Shiv. "I don't think you would have taken a risk like this for Mike, or the campfire guy, or anyone else. If it's a new feeling for you I just thought you might want to talk about it."

"Thanks," I say, hurrying to swallow and smile at her. The biteful of chocolate was too big and stings my throat on the way down, making my eyes burn. I don't want to look like I'm crying, so I say hastily, "I'm really not that torn up by it. The feelings, I mean. They're fine. It is new for me to actually want to make a sacrifice for someone, but... It also doesn't really feel like a sacrifice that much."

"You're risking so much time, but!"

"But it feels like the harder option would be to sit back and do nothing, doesn't it? It would eat me up inside if I just had to live with the fact that he's feeling terrible. Steak has a problem but I know how I can fix it, so. That's what I have to do."

"But the outside-world equivalent is, like, giving him your liver." Shiv waves the book under my nose, goading me to take another piece of chocolate. "Especially because you weren't a drug offender!"

"Why do you keep saying that?" My stomach is starting to churn. I take one last piece of chocolate and then snap the hollowed-out book closed.
"Because it's not in your nature! And you wouldn't really know that, I guess. You haven't been in here long enough to see how out of character it is. A girl like Vapor comes in, finds a man, sure, yeah maybe she'll give him a crack rock as a sign of affection. It's like a prison wedding ring, yeah? A four-carat rock means something totally different in here...

"It all goes back to love languages I guess. The druggies smuggle stuff in for each other. The thieves steal from the druggies. The violent offenders beat up their love's annoying cellies. Everyone's got their thing – whatever they were locked up for – and the ways they show affection are usually related to it.

"I'm a liar and a fraud, so, I would lie to protect you. I would make up some insane murder-mystery-twisty story to cover for you if you ever need an alibi. But you stole a golf cart and some fireworks – that's small potatoes, I'm telling you – no one in here would ever think you're capable of running drugs."

"It's one pill bottle, Shiv."

She opens the book again, pops a piece of chocolate in each cheek:

"But it's also a perfect con. And it's surprising."