The Darkness Inside Me

5 - Restless

Juice was sitting on the edge of the made up bed and looked around. This was his room, for now. He even had his private bathroom. None of it really landed. He was free, but it didn't feel that way. It felt like a cop could barge through the door any moment, telling him all this was a misunderstanding. He barely dared to go to the living room. What should he say to his brother? The man hadn't even wanted to tell him his real name. Despite the fact that the man had invited him into his house, assuring him that he would be safe, there was a restless feeling in his chest. He still didn't understand why Shades had done this for him. He seemed to have his stuff well in order, so why would he allow his messed up twin into his perfect life? He couldn't shake off the idea that the man was keeping something from him, although he had no idea what. Maybe it was just because of everything he'd been through. He had learned not to count on anybody — not even on himself. Trusting someone again was difficult, it was hard to push away his suspicion. 

Juice however realized he couldn't sit here forever. He had to face his brother, to get to know him, to figure out how he could build a new life from here. And so, after taking a long, hot shower, he returned to the living room. 

Shades was standing in front of the glass wall watching the city surrounding them, his back towards Juice. Juice wasn't sure whether his brother had heard him come in. Nervously, he ran a hand across his mohawk. 

"You uh — you got a nice place," he said awkwardly. 

Shades turned around, lifting the corner of his mouth. "I've worked hard for my money."

Juice was about to ask him how, but since Isaiah had called him a gangster, he didn't want to create the impression that he wanted to meddle in his shady activities. 

"In what kind of house did you live?"

Hesitating, Juice sat down on the grey couch. All furniture looked new, and as if Shades replaced them once in while just because he had the money. "A two-room apartment. On the third floor. There weren't much high buildings in Charming." He paused, then he added: "In our clubhouse I had a room too. I spent more time there than in my actual home."

At least before he ran off. He doubted Shades cared about anything he said, but filling the room with meaningless words was still better than a nerve-racking silence. 

"How long can I stay here?" he asked quietly. He didn't want to be a burden to his brother.  It however was hard to figure out what steps to take. Would he be able to find a job? What kind of job would that be, with his criminal record and lack of references? 

"As long as you need," Shades answered. "Don't worry about the money. I will be often away from home to do business, so it's not like we will be in each other's pockets all the time. Just take the time to recover from everything you've been through. All this time I told myself it would take a while anyway."

Recover from everything you've been through... He had no idea where to begin. How did one deal with a series of rapes, with the hatred of the people you've loved the most, with the loss of everything that had once been important to you?

He didn't know. He really didn't know. 

"Come on, let's get a bite to eat. Thereafter I will show you Harlem's Paradise. I bought it a while ago."

Juice nodded hesitantly and got up. His brother was nice, there was no denying that. He did his best; for him, the whole situation had to be strange too. A small smile crept upon his lips. His brother had done all right to himself... maybe he could help him to get his life back on track too. After all, wasn't that what family was for? 

. . .

Shades took him to a classy place. The way Shades touched on the subjects, showed him that small talk wasn't his thing, but he neither wanted to discuss personal stuff. He believed his brother usually discussed business, making him wonder what other contacts he had.