The Darkness Inside Me

8 - Letters

The man refused to leave Erin's mind. Because of the volunteer work she did, she had seen many dull looks and fake smiles. But Juice... He seemed to cry out wordlessly for a hug. She bit her lip. Would she see him again? Would he come back? And if not—was there a way to find him? She thought of Hernan and a shiver ran down her spine. It couldn't be a coincidence that they looked so much alike, could it? But she couldn't see herself walking into Harlem's Paradise to ask him if he had a double. In fact—there was a good chance that he was the danger Juice had spoken of.

"Ha, there's mail from your secret admirer again!" Jeremy plopped down on the chair next to her and threw an envelope on the table. The only thing written down on it was her name, in eerily straight block letters. It was anything but a love letter. Speaking of danger... She feigned a smile and ignored his curious look.

"So when are you going to tell me about him?"

"Speaking of letters—have you sent your brother one yet?"

Her best friend's gaze wandered to the tabletop and he sighed. "No." He drummed his fingers on the wood and then looked at her again. "If I write one, will you let me read one of those cheesy letters?"

"Maybe. If you not only write it but send it oo."

And then I'll write a cheesy letter myself to show you.

"I have no idea what to say to him."

"That you miss him. That you feel bad about how your parents treated him. How you treated him yourself."

With a surly face, Jeremy looked at her. "Like it's that simple."

No. It wasn't. A sour taste filled Erin's mouth. And it was hypocritical to argue that it was.

Esin sighed and lowered her head until it rested against Jeremy's shoulder. "You're right, I'm sorry. I'm distracted. I keep thinking about a man I met yesterday at the Victory. He looked so ... defeated. Like he had never experienced a friendly gesture in his life. And then he ran away." And he looked like Hernan. Something she preferred to ignore because that shouldn't affect her opinion of the man. She just wanted to forget that jerk.

"A nice man, then?" He grinned. "Does your secret admirer have a rival?"

Esin rolled her eyes but grinned anyway. "Maybe it will make Aazar stop complaining."

Her uncle didn't like that she had started renting a room with her best friend. He believed it wasn't decent since they were not married; he was convinced there was something romantic going on between Jeremy and her, and nothing they said could change that. Every conversation about it ended in grumbling and awkwardness. Of course, the fact that she had lived with him before that didn't help either. He had always been good to her, but Esin just really wanted to stand on her own two feet. And at twenty-four, she considered herself too old to keep waiting for her prince charming to come along.

"We're wandering from the subject." She nudged his shoulder. "Come on, go write that letter, or it will never get done. I'll help you."

Jeremy looked at her briefly; then he nodded and grabbed his laptop. He opened a Word document and stared at the white screen. "How do I even start? Dear brother?" He pulled a face and then typed Isaiah,. Doubtful, he looked at Esin. 

She shrugged. "That's fine, right? And then tell him that you hope that he's doing well?"

He listened to her advice, then rested his fingers on the keys again. A deep sigh escaped his lips. "Why is this so hard? It never used to be like this..."

"You haven't spoken to each other in years. It's not that strange." Esin turned toward him a little more. "You could at least say you're sorry you haven't spoken for so long. That by now, you don't live at home anymore and that you have a great roommate who would love to meet him?"

Jeremy chuckled. "And then send him a picture of a hot guy? You can ask your secret admirer for one."

Shaking her head, she gave him a jab with her knee, even though something twisted in her stomach. Quickly she focused on the letter again. "Just type it. That he's welcome here. He probably has no place to go when he's released."

Jeremy's hand slid off the keyboard. He stared at her. "You want to invite him here?"

She shrugged. "Why not? Family is supposed to be there for each other. And since the rest of your family cut ties with him..."

Her own words caused another painful sting. It would hurt if Jeremy's brother would really come here. But pain was not wrong, pain was purifying. And she had to endure a lot more of it before she was purified.

"You got a point," Jeremy muttered. "But he's in prison for a reason, Es. If your uncle finds out..." He made an ominous whistling sound. "He may care for the misfits of society, but that doesn't mean he wants a criminal living with his niece."

"Jesus would have taken him in his home too," she replied firmly, "so if my uncle doesn't want your brother to live here, he should invite him to his home himself." She saw the doubt on her best friend's face and put a hand on his shoulder. "Now don't run too fast. Just write him this letter first, and ask him if he would like you to visit him. I'd be happy to come along, too, if you'd want me to. Then you'll see how he is, whether you like the idea of offering him a temporary place to sleep."

Jeremy bowed his head and rested it against hers for a moment. "Yeah, okay. Then I'll just keep it at this."

"Good. You don't have to write him a whole book," she winked and stood up. "I'm going to put on my pajamas, are we going to watch a movie then?"

"Yeah, I'll look up the mail address."

Esin grabbed the envelope from the table and walked to her bedroom. There she pulled open the drawer of her desk and looked at the pile of envelopes lying there. Some were open, most still closed. For a moment she hesitated, then she added the letter to the pile; unread. 

Her fingers trembled as she closed the drawer. 

___

I know it's been way too long! A big thank you to the readers who left comments and wished for me to continue; you really motivated me! I still have a lot of ideas for this story!  ♥