The life and struggles of EmoBoyPoem

MY STORY

Hi im Danie Coetzee,and I'm dealing with severe depression,anxiety,psychosis,bipolar and schizophrenia. When you are dealing with any mental health problems it's easy to say I'M FINE because then people just go on and not ask you what is wrong because,you just said I'M FINE but are you really? I've been there and still working on opening up to people,it started for me when i was grade 6. I was feeling something very strange that i could not explain,all i knew was that i needed to see someone,and try and explain to them what i felt. But every time I've tried they just said: stop looking for attention or stop complaining,until i told my mom how i felt. She took me to a psychologist and the psychologist just said it was ADHD and that im to stupid for a normal school. Well not in those exact words,but that is what she ment.
So I've got send to a special school where i started getting bullied a lot. It got so bad that I've became disruptive and tried anything to get expelled. Until the Sunday of 2005 17 April, since the friday before i tried to make myself so sick so i wont have to go to school,the Monday morning. But since nothing worked that night i stole a hand full of my moms sleeping pills and tried to end my life. I was only 15 at the time,well i somehow made it through school and got out and for a while things seemed fine. Until my 23rd birthday,i was sleeping soundly when I dreamed of a memory i buried a long time ago. And things just spiraled downwards from then on. I started self harming,getting drunk smoked weed did cocaine anything just to numb the pain and so it continued till i was 25 my first mental hospital stay. It was a nice place and i made alot of new friends. Back then I was only diagnosed with mild depression,but some years went by where it was not gone but i could manage it. Then when i was 29 it got really bad. I started to get nightmares every single night,seeing and hearing things no one els did and thats when i told mom i need to talk to someone,long story short we found a psychologist and i was sceptical at first since I've only had bad experiences before. The session started and i actually liked being there she did not judge me,she was very understanding and i actually still see her today. But before that i was cutting again and after my mom saw the cuts,that was when i started writting songs and poems. And came up with the poet name EmoBoyPoems since then i wrote alot of poems/songs,but I'm still struggling with suicidal thoughts and ive almost attempted it for a 2nd and 3rd time i got as far as writing suicide notes,but afterwards i was way to tired to go through with it. So thats my life's story. So you can believe when i say the biggest lie for mental health is I'M FINE we all need someone to talk to so if you have these thoughts or just feel something weird about you talk to someone it does not mean you are weak for doing that. In fact it takes alot of courage and guts to do so. So get up,reach out,speak up. And to quote a poster from 13 reasons why SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM. I still have those thoughts and still struggle with all my issues but i try every day not to end my life cuz otherwise i wont be alive for the good ones to come. And just remember. THE HARDEST CLIMBS LEADS TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL VIEWS. I hope i reached at least 1 person with my story,cause our purpose in life is to save only 1 person. And it is ok if that person is you. Thanks for reading this and if anyone ever wants to reach out to me you can contact me me on emoboypoems@gmail.com
Till next time love you all and goodbye.

This is not a poem and should be put first