Safe place // Minsung (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 28

After school, I decided to go to my safe place. After the stressful events with Jisung it would be nice to relax there, so I started walking.

When I arrived I was surprised when I saw Jisung there.

"Jisung" I saw him jump.

"Oh Minho, hi" he smiled a bit.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be resting?" I asked him.

"Yeah, but I couldn't go back to sleep when I came home so I ended up here, I really like it here." His smile is adorable.

"Yeah, me too, anygay you don't have to tell me, but how did it go with your mom?" I asked a bit cautiously.

He chuckled a bit when I said anygay but then his smile turned sad.

"Oh uhm, she was really rude and at first I was scared, but then she said I wasn't her son anymore and so I kinda went off on her and when she was done she said I couldn't speak to my mother like that so I said she wasn't my mom anymore and then I left." He then looked proud of himself instead of sad and that made me really happy.

"Omg Jisung you go, I'm so proud of you" then I decided to just be completely honest with him. Something about him made me trust him.
"Can I tell you something, like the reason I act so cold to new people and the reason I go to a psychologist and shit"

"Oh yeah, of course if you're comfortable telling me"

I was comfortable telling him.

"Okay so, this is kind of a long story" I started out nervously.

"That doesn't matter, take your time" he reassured me.

"Okay, when I was younger I never really had friends, no one really hated me, but no one liked me either, I just existed in school I guess, but then when I was around 10 or maybe 11 I don't really remember I finally had a best friend who had transferred from another school and we became really close really fast and I remember thinking that he was the only one I could be myself around" I paused a bit, smiling and thinking back about the memories.

"He was the first person I ever trusted, but people quickly began assuming we were dating while we weren't. Heck I didn't even know if he was gay and even then I didn't like him like that, but people always assume things. So they started teasing us for it and it kinda just ruined things because we both tried to be a little more distant because we didn't want other people to think we were dating and eventually we both parted ways and went to different schools and lost contact for a really long time. I had made new friends, but it wasn't the same, they were my friends, but never my best friends and I didn't really know how to act in front of them so when I was around 14 I had no idea who I was, I was still, after years, in denial that I was gay, I didn't really have any hobbies, my friends always had other friends they liked more, I missed my past best friend and that's when everything changed and I had reached a really dark point in my life." I paused again, this time a little longer. I looked up at Jisung, who was just looking at me and just hugged me, I wa surprised at first, but soon relaxed in the hug and hugged back, just enjoying the feeling.

"You don't have to continue" he said.

"No no I want to, I just needed a little break, I'll continue now. Okay, so when I reached this point in my life I didn't really think much of it at first, I thought I was just sad and it would pass, but it didn't and so after a few weeks I told my parents and they took me to a psychologist, but I wasn't comfortable telling her everything because my parents were in the room with me so she said I had an identity crisis and that this was a little early for my age, but it was normal and it would pass, but it didn't. Months passed and it only got worse. I started having suicidal thoughts and never really told anyone about, I just pretended to be happy all the time, but after a long time I told my parents again, so they took me to that psychologist again and this time I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety as a result of little traumas I had went through as a child, the whole not having friends thing and people just making fun of me a lot and then the situation with my best friend. I hit prescribed antidepressants, but stopped soon after because I didn't like the effect they had on me, I just felt like a robot. I also stopped going, because ig just wasn't working and that's right about when my insomnia started. I missed school a lot, I had picked up self harming, I had about 3 panic or anxiety attacks every week and it was really bad. The self harming has been on and off since then. Anyways I decided then that I wanted to change schools so I did  I already knew Hyunjin who had transferred the year before and we quickly became best friends. I also started having contact with my old vest friend who I still talk to occasionally and my life just started going better. I finally came out as gay and got a lot of support from my new friend group, which is our friend group now and everything was changing. I still acted cold to new people because of my oats best friend, but I told the group everything. I decided I wanted to do something to celebrate this moment and wanted to do something impulsive and I got a tattoo even though I knew my parents would be mad and they were. My dad got over it pretty quickly, but my mom just kept being mad about it and bringing it up in every situation she could and I hated it and everything just started getting worse again and my dad started saying my depression was my fault for locking myself in my room all day and that's when I just completely built up my walls again, promising myself to never let anyone break then down again. I moved out, my parents were mad about it at first, but they understand now. With the money I still got from them and the money I made at small jobs I now am paying for a new psychologist who introduced me to this whole safe place thing. So where I stand now is, self harming happens on and off, my panic attacks are like weekly sometimes less, sometimes more, the suicidal thoughts are still there so that's the hardest part, my insomnia has also come back again and I'm not really doing too good, but I'm still here so that's good I guess and well I have great friends and I'm glad I have you in my life now. I don't what it is about you, but you just made me trust you immediately" I smiled and finished up my whole story.

Jisung's pov

When Minho finished up his story my mouth was open in shock, I couldn't believe he had went through so much and still here he was smiling like everything was okay. I didn't know what to say so I just attacked him in a hug, making both of us fall over in the leaves, but it didn't matter. We just hugged for a long time and I wanted to stay like that forever, but eventually we had to pull away and so when we finally did I decided to say something.

"I can't believe you had to and still go through all of that shit, you really don't deserve that, I'll always be here for you. I'm glad you told me"

"Hey Sungie, it's fine, I'll be fine eventually. It's still hard, but I'll get there, don't worry." He was so strong. I decided not to push it though and changes the subject.

"So about that tattoo..."

He chuckled. "It's on my thigh, I'll show you sometime, until then it's a secret" he smirked.

"Hey! That's not fair, I wanna know what it is!" I whined loudly.

"Sorry, but you'll have to wait, patience Sungie, patience"

"Ugh fine"

~

Longer chapter that usual, about Minho's backstory, a huge part of this is based on what I went through so it's all really personal to me.

This chapter is for Jeongin's birthday. Baby boy turns 19. He is truly iconic and deserves the world. I hope he has the best day. He's so adorable and funny and just overall amazing and needs to be protected forever. Imagine having Yang Jeongin as your best friend. Cant relate. Anygay happy birthday to Innie and I hope he enjoys his day.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter.