no shame → l.h ⋆ a.i

seven

     "ow, ow, ow." ashton mumbles as blood pours from his nose. "why the fuck did you hit me?"

     "he's gonna vomit." luke states as he watches the anger on calum's face turn to panic.

     "what?" ashton looks over to luke, and back to calum. "shit." he follows after calum as calum stumbles back out the front door, falling to his knees in the front yard. "fuck, cal." ashton sighs as calum vomits in the rose bushes.

     "right in the rose bush." luke grimaces.

     "shut the fuck up, luke." ashton snaps.

     "oh my god." calum says quietly as he wipes the side of his mouth, dropping down to a sitting position as he leans back. "oh my god."

     "yeah, that was kind of how ashton reacted too." luke says as he sits down next to ashton and calum in the grass. "i'll tell you whatever you want to know once you recover from the initial sh-"

     calum furrows his brows, glances up to luke, and leans back up, hitting luke in the face as hard as he can.

     "fuck!" luke's hand flies over his nose. "what the fuck?"

     "what the fuck is wrong with you?" calum hisses. "once i recover from the initial fucking shock? you fucking died, you piece of shit!"

     "yeah, he faked it and now we need to go inside." ashton says in a low voice. "no one needs to see him."

     "what?" calum scoffs.

     "you can still be pissed at him inside, i am too. come on." ashton stands up, helping calum up as well.

     "i'm the one that got punched in the face." luke grunts as he stands back up. "why didn't you help me up?"

     "i'm going to fucking kill you." ashton mutters as he leads calum into the house.

     "this is not happening." calum says softly as he stares off into the  corner of the kitchen. "this cannot be happening."

     "for a minute it'll feel worse than it did when you thought he was dead," ashton looks over to calum as he gently rubs the blood from luke's face. "then you'll be mad, then happy he's back."

     "which one are you at?" calum responds.

     "i go back and forth between happy and pisses off." ashton states. "but i'm sleeping with him, so."

     "i don't think he knew that." luke says awkwardly.

     "i knew." calum looks over, the tear stains on his face breaking luke's heart all over again. "ashton was in the worst state out of everyone at the funeral. i knew."

     "he was there." ashton states. "he's a raging narcissist, and also an asshole."

     calum smiles. "yeah."

     "i'm literally right here." luke scoffs.

     "you put us through hell, i think we're allowed to be pissed." calum huffs. "why'd you do it?"

     "i made some people mad." luke nods. "i picked the worst possible people to piss off, and i pissed them off. i'm leaving for germany tomorrow."

     "he's trying to get me to come with him." ashton leans against the counter, between luke and calum. "i think he wants me to fake my death, too."

     luke rolls his eyes. "i never said i wanted you to fake your death. when did i ever say i wanted you to fake your death?"

     "so you just want me to pick up my life and move to germany with someone who's legally dead?" ashton looks over to luke. "no, luke."

     "we have to tell michael." calum swallows. "he deserves to know."

     "no," luke shakes his head. "you weren't supposed to know, neither of you were. i can't tell anyone else."

     "i'm telling him." calum pulls his phone out of his pocket.

     "stop." luke stops as he reaches out, grabbing calum's phone from his hand. "no one's telling anyone anything. after i leave tomorrow, i'm dead to both of you. no one else can know."

     ashton hates everything about this situation.

     he hates that calum got dragged into it, he hates that he's having to choose between luke and the rest of his life, and he hates that he's having this difficult of a time choosing. he wishes more than anything that he could wake up in the morning and just live with luke. he wishes he could be wrapped in a blanket on the couch with luke as they watch the rain softly beat against the windows, or that he could hide his head in luke's shoulder on summer mornings when they forgot to close the curtains the night before and the sun is beaming through the window panes.

     he knows it's irrational, and completely impossible, but reality is depressing, he's over it, and he almost can't keep himself from throwing away his life to leave with luke.