The Unpredictability of You and Me

fifteen - the first time

I'm having an anxiety attack.

I knew I should have asked Mom to refill my prescription. I'm so stupid.

I close the bathroom door behind me and sink to the floor, my back against the cold bathtub stone. My vision feels blurry and my throat feels tight and I can't breathe. I try to breathe, but air won't go into my lungs. I hate this, I hate this, I hate-

I feel a hand on either of my shoulders. "Jade, it's okay," the voice accompanying the hands says smoothly. "You're okay."

My vision stops swimming enough for me to make out Adrian's worried face. His hands cup my cheeks. "You're okay," he repeats.

I'm okay. I'm still alive. I'm here and not floating into an eternal doom. I'm okay.

The door to the bathroom opens and next thing I know, my dad is crouched next to me too, his face laced with concern. I would be a little concerned too, if I saw my teenage daughter sobbing on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night.

"Hey, hey what's going on?" Dad asks, his eyes laced with concern.

I see Adrian move to the side and stand up before turning back to my dad. "I'm okay," I choke out.

He gives me an incredulous look. "Jade, have you not been taking your meds?"

My eyes dart over to Adrian, who gives me a small nod before leaving out of the bathroom into his own room and closing the door behind him. Dad immediately sits down and crosses his legs beside me.

We sit in silence for a few minutes before he finally speaks. "This prescription was supposed to last you another month."

"I know," I whisper, my eyes brimming with tears. The last few weeks have been so hectic, I've been taking almost double the amount I was supposed to.

Dad looks uncomfortable for a moment. "Are you using drugs?"

My eyes fly up to him. "What? No."

He closes his eyes and leans his head back against the bathtub, pulling his knees to his chest. It's times like these when I can see how much we really look alike, our dark brown hair, tan skin, sharp faces. "If you ever find yourself in that position, you'll come to me, right?"

"Of course." It seems like a no brainer, but I knew there was a reason he was saying this. There is always a reason with my dad. "Why? Do you think I'm lying?"

"Of course not," he says as soon as the words leave my mouth. Dad gives me a sad smile. "I'm just worried you'll get some of my bad traits."

I know Dad went through a lot of stuff when he was my age, but he never told me the specifics. "What happened?"

"I was addicted to drugs when I was younger," he says simply. "Maybe one day I can find the strength to tell you the rest, but I can tell you that the only reason I got through it was because my friends and your mom. Especially your mom."

He wraps an arm around my shoulders and I rest my head on his shoulders like I used to do all the time when I was younger. "I wouldn't have made it out alive if I didn't have people who cared about me, and I want you to know you always have us, no matter what happens. Your mom and I didn't have our parents to turn to when things got tough, but we want to make it better for you."