Stars (Reddie fanfic)

Chapter 41: Together

(Eddie)

Richie walks me back to Stan's house, I still felt terrible about what happened even if he wasn't mad.

"So... are we good?" He shift between feet as we stand at the doorway.

"Yeah, we're good." I smile, hoping he believes me. "Goodnight, Rich."

"Night, Eds."

I go into Stan's room, it's late, but he's still up. "Eddie? What's going on? I thought you were staying at Richie's tonight?"

I sit next to him and tell him what happened.

"It actually felt like being electrocuted with the highest voltage. I could feel it pass through me. I felt really bad for pulling away... now I feel even farther away from him."

"I'm sorry, Eddie. But I know you can get past this."

"Yeah I know I can, it's just hard. And I don't know how to."

"I get that, but I guess the best way to look at it is this. Those people did terrible things to you and everyone else who was there for that treatment, but you got out! Just by doing that you defied what they said even if you slipped up once. So now you're out the question is, are you still gonna let them control you?"

His words made sense, I guess I have been living as if I'm still trapped there. I've let what they did change how I act around Richie even if I didn't want it to. They built a wall within me even though I didn't know it was happening. That's what I've been feeling towards Richie and I feel it more and more whenever something triggers the voltage. I have to break that down in order to understand what it feels like to love Richie again. It's going to happen, I'm going to find a way to demolish it!

"So what's going on with you and Bill?" I tuck my legs underneath me as I sit in his bed.

"It's hard to sneak around, I don't know how you and Richie did it. I'm always freaked that someone will see us... especially someone who knows my dad. But at the same time, I'm loving being with Bill so much to care." Stan smiles and it clearly says something else happened

"What?"

His voice lowers and he leans closer to me, "he kissed me today!" He smiles fully now.

"He did? What happened?"

Stanley tells me how were in the park, he was pointing out the different birds and Bill kissed him.

"Wow, I'm so happy for you!" I smile with him.

His smile falters and he looks down. "Eddie... I have something to tell you..."

I knew what he was going to say, "it's okay, you don't have to."

He looks at me confused, "I don't?"

I shake my head, "no you don't... I already know about you and Richie."

"You do? Are... are you mad?" He shifts nervously on the bed.

"Yeah Richie told me. And no I'm not mad! I understand. I'm glad you and Bill are doing good." I say softly

"Thanks!" He smiles relieved
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I found it hard to be alone with Richie. I haven't been alone with him sense the first night of summer. We still saw each other as a group, but I was too ashamed for it to be just the two of us. I felt like I had to fix myself first in order to be with him. As much as it hurt, and as much as I knew it hurt Richie, I wouldn't be alone with him. It continued this way for weeks even when Stan kept telling me not to shut him out.

Finally Richie had enough, he came to Stan's house before all of us were supposed to hang out.

"Can we talk?" He was clearly hurt, but I think he was more frustrated now.

I walk with him down the street. He was smoking a cigarette and I kept my fists jammed in my pocket.

"So what's the deal, Eds? Why won't you talk to me? I know that the last time we were together was a lot, but I didn't think I'd get the silent treatment from you."

I kick a rock down the sidewalk as we walk. "I don't know, Richie." I sigh out

"No seriously! Did I do something?" I feel bad for causing him this much pain.

"No, you didn't do anything." I say still avoiding his eyes.

"Then what happened?" He asks exasperatedly

I didn't know what to say. I want to be with him, but I need to be fixed first because he doesn't deserve the responsibility of that.

He puts his hand under my chin and makes me look at him. And as gently as he does it, I still jump. "Eddie, you can tell me anything, you know that."

He says that to me a lot now and that makes me feel guilty because he doesn't need to be my dumping ground for all my problems.

"Please talk to me." He whispers.

I remain silent.

"Please? I can handle whatever you're going to say, but just tell me something."

"Richie, I'm damaged." I say matter of factly.

He looks confused.

"I am. I'm damaged and you don't deserve that. I'm sorry for avoiding you, but I have to fix myself and I guess I just thought it'd be easier to do that alone."

His eyes are sympathetic, "did you really think I wouldn't help you?"

I shake my head, "it's not for you to fix. I'm the one who let those people ruin things between us. I let them put the barrier between us. I just feel like I owe it to you to find a way to take it down."

He grabs my shoulders forcefully to help his point. "It's not your fault!" He's not yelling, but his voice still has an edge to it. Not out of anger towards me, but to get me to listen. "And you're definitely not damaged! I don't want to hear you say that ever again!" His eyes are pleading for me to understand him. "Baby, I love you and I'm here for you. So please let me help!"

I relax in his touch as I feel the wall begin to crumble again. I thought it'd be easier to take of the problem by myself. But what I've tried to accomplish in weeks, he's healed within minutes.

"I love you too." Is what I wanted to say, but all that came out was, "okay, we'll do this together."