Guarded Heart

Chapter 18

Ethan wakes up around seven and grabs some clothes and goes to the bathroom and takes a shower. After he gets done he puts on a pair of shorts and a tank top and the wraps his foot back up and puts socks on and flip flops. He does his hair puts cologne on and walks out the door. He sees Jacob walking up to Ryan's door and when Ryan answers it, Jacob tries to kiss him but Ryan doesn't let him. Ethan's jaw drops and anger builds up inside and walks up behind Jacob.

"So, it's not enough that you fuck my boyfriend while I'm not here you have the fucking balls to try to do it while I am here?!" Ethan yells and Jacob stops in his tracks and closes his eyes and sighs. He turns around.

"He's a grown man, he can do what he wants Ethan. You can't stop him. You can't always get what you want you know."

"What I want?! You think I fucking wanted this Jacob?! You think I wanted to come here and see you two fucking, wanted my heart to break and watch the love of my life slip through my fingers?! You think I fucking wanted that you piece of shit?!" By now Ethan is full on yelling at Jacob in his face.

"Yea, you like being in pain and want to play the victim. You are pathetic Ethan, you don't deserve him." As soon as Jacob said that Ethan punches him in the face making him fall down again and this time Ethan gets on top of him and just punches his face and chest over and over again until he feels someone pulling him off.

"Let me go!" Ethan yells trying to take a swing at the person who has him but fails.

"Calm down, calm down. You don't want to kill him, you'll be in jail so calm down." Jack says softly in Ethan's ear and instantly Ethan calms down.

"I saw him walking up to Ryan's room and he tired to kiss Ryan Jack when Ryan answered but Ryan didn't let him." Ethan said in a whisper as tears again fall onto his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I know it can't be easy. Come on, lets get you out of here huh? I want to show you something." Jack grabs Ethan's hand and helps him up.

"Yea run away you asshole!" Jacob yells and this time Jack gets in Jacob's face.

"I am half tempted to throw your ass in the hole for a week for that comment, shut your fucking mouth. Only reason I pulled him off you is because I didn't want him to kill you and see him in jail for it!" Jack said that and turns and him and Ethan head to a truck and Jack drives them out a ways and stops. They get out and Ethan looks over the hills and sees trees and children playing. He smiles.

"See, not everything here is ugly, you just needed to get away from there for a bit, so I figured I would bring you here to see them, they play there every day for hours. Just running around the field and playing and laughing. Often I would bring treats for them and hang out with them."

"That's sweet, they seem to be happy." Ethan says smiling watching the kids play.

"I wanted this with Ryan, I wanted to have a family and just sit back and watch the kids play like this, I wanted a life with him Jack, I wanted it all. I was ready to settle down because I had thought I found the love of my life but again, I was fooled and hurt and used. I don't think I will ever find love and at this point, I don't really care if I ever do. I have my business and the bar and I'm happy with that." Jack felt his heart break a little hearing Ethan says that.

"You can't give up on love Ethan."

"Why not? Look what it's got me, a couple failed relationships where I am the one who ends up being hurt and alone while they do what the hell they want without even thinking of me. If they want to be together at least don't rub it in my face like that. I don't want to see them together, my ex and the guy who is still in the closet of who he is because he is afraid of how people will know the real him. His family mainly."

"Ryan?"

"No." Jack nods. He stands there just looking at Ethan, looking at how toned his body is, how his muscles are hard under his shirt and his shorts. His broad chest and his tanned skin. This is the first time he has really looked at Ethan.

"Ryan is a fool." Jack whispers.

"No, I'm the fool. I'm the fool who fell for a guy like him, never again. I'm done. No more relationships, no more falling in love no more getting attached to someone because it always ends the same way, me getting hurt. I'm done." Jack reaches out and grabs Ethan's arm and puts his hand up to his face turning his head to look at him.

"Not everyone is the same. You can't give up on love Ethan. Love is the most beautiful thing in the world."

"No, it isn't. I had love with an amazing man, Marcus. He 'died' came back after ten years and over time during those ten years that love faded and now, he's a distant memory. Ryan, he came into my life like a hurricane and look at the mess he left behind. Alan, a world class asshole who deserves to rot in hell along with Ryan now. Three men, three men I gave my heart to and three times it has been broken, stomped on chewed up and spit out in my face. I am not going through all that again. I can't. All I want right now is to drink to get drunk out of my mind and get fucked. I'm here so that isn't going to happen till I get home so since I'm here, I have to see them every day and every day is going to make me be heartless and not give a shit, be who I used to be and that me isn't a good version. I'm just going to focus on my work here and get the hell out of here as soon as it's done, far away from them." Ethan said looking into Jacks eyes.

Jack doesn't say anything, instead he pulls Ethan close to him, their bodies touching and Ethan can feel his breath on his face as he leans in and as he gets closer to his lips, Ethan turns his head and backs away.

"I'm sorry, I can't Jack. I just can't" Ethan said and turned around and walks away.

Jack sighs and gets in the truck. He slows down by Ethan.

"Come on, get in, you can't walk back that far on your foot." Ethan sighs because he knows Jack is right. He gets into the truck and the ride back is silent.

They get back and as soon as Ethan gets out of the truck Ryan runs over.

"What the fuck Ethan?! You broke Jacob's nose!"

"He's lucky that's all I fucking broke Ryan! Get the hell away from me before I beat your ass next!" Ethan yelled. Jack ran over to them stepping in between them looking at Ryan.

"Go Ryan, now." Jack says in a cold tone.

"Oh of course, you go running into the first guy you see after you lost me huh?! Yea go back to who you used to be and go fuck any guy who is willing to spread their legs for you!"

"You son of a bitch! I can't even look at you right now! Who are you?! What have you done with the man I fell in love with? What happened to you Ryan? Why are you so heartless?!" Ryan can't seem to find the words so Ethan walks away to his room. He sits on the bed and lays down, he put his hands behind his head and closes his eyes.

A few hours later he wakes up to a knock on the door.

"Come in." He said and Jack walks in with a bag of food and two water bottles.

"Figured you might be hungry." Ethan sits up and smiles.

"Thanks. Look about earlier, you are a very nice sweet sexy as hell guy but I can't, I can't let myself get attached again. I just want a friend; can you be a friend?" Jack sits down on the bed facing Ethan.

"Yes, I can be your friend. I guess I just got caught up in the moment and wanted to kiss you to make you feel better about what is going on."

Ethan smiles. "It would have worked if I wasn't so heart broken and lost. Trust me if we were at a bar and you came up to me and we talked for a while I would have kissed you first, like I did Ryan without the talking." He said the last part in a whisper.

Jack gets the food out of the bag and hands Ethan the container.

"Mush?" Ethan's eyes light up.

"Yes." Ethan smiles and takes a bite and a soft moan escapes his lips. Jack felt himself get a little turned on at the sound of his moan but pushes it away inside and just sits and eats his meal with his friend.

They eat and talk for hours into the night. They learn a lot about each other and for a while Ethan forgets his pain as he is laughing but it doesn't reach his eyes. His eyes still show the pain he is in. After a little while longer Jack leaves and Ethan goes to sleep.