Fight For Him (discontinued)

midnight tears mixed with blood

trigger warning
mentions of self harm, razor blades, past self harm, mentions of suicide, sad shit
~

it was weeks after all the kisses
hell even months, and eddie still couldn't get them out of his mind.
he could easily get rid of the feeling of mikes, bens, and bevs lips. but richies, stans, and bills were still there. the lingering feeling of their soft lips were still on eddies lips.

it was midnight, eddies favorite and least favorite part of the day.
he favorited them because he got some alone time, some peace and quiet. 
that is until his thoughts kick in.
he disliked midnights because that's where he would let his tears poor out. he would be so strong during the day then just give up.

eddie seemed happy, he smiled everyday. but he was losing everyday.
the thoughts were so loud.
his head pounded. he got up to get some medicine to help, when we walked into the bathroom the light blinded him. he searched through the medicine cabinet to find some headache medicine, with no luck. he decided to check the drawers under the sink, that's where he was met with his old best friend.

he hadn't self harmed in a couple weeks, 3 weeks to be exact, his highest record.
he opened the container and saw some new ones, some old ones with blood on them, and some rusty ones. he hadn't thought about self harming for a while, he didn't have a reason. he took a new one out and looked at it.

then he started crying.
it wasn't a loud heartbreaking cry, it was a silent cry. only a few tears came out. he couldn't handle it. he put them up, not in his bathroom drawer. his backpack. he might need them soon.

he checked the time, 1:32 am
he wasn't tired at all, he was far from tired. he couldn't sleep, and he for sure couldn't stop crying. so he opened his window and sat on the roof. he had a two story house, his mom on the bottom. meaning he could sneak up here anytime he wanted and not get caught.

he stared at the stars for what seemed like forever, he never wanted to stop. so he just thought.
thinking was all he did nowadays, thought about life at home. how his mom forced seven pills down his throat and his dad was away every other week for business. he thought of the future. he thought he wouldn't have one, how he wouldn't be alive long enough to have a stable future, hell he didn't think he would make it to 18. he was a sophomore  in highschool, 16, the youngest of the friend group.

oh yeah, the losers club. he often thought about them, how they would be so much happier without him.
all he did was talk about his mommy issues and how he missed his dad.
he really thought they all hated him. i mean he hated himself so what did they see in him? he never wanted to lose them. he had a good relationship with all of them.

beverly, they would hang out together and talk about boys.
ben, they would go to the library and research random things until it closed.
mike, he would go over to his farm and help out with the animals.
richie, they did everything and anything together. they were best friends. they would stay up until midnight and talk about random stuff.
bill, they would go on walks together, they would hang out with georgie and watch movies.
stan, yeah he did nothing with him.
they still hated each other. and eddie was totally fine with that.

eddie stared at the moon and stars more. until he heard something. he thought it was his mother so he quickly shot up. oh how he wished he hadn't.
there stood the famous stan.
he hadn't noticed him so eddie laid back down hoping to disappear.

"oh look it's eddie. hiding up there to get away from your mom?" stan said.
eddie just rolled his eyes and sat up again. the moon was shining brightly that it lit up eddies face. stan could clearly see the tears slowly falling down eddies face, he could see the bruises eddie forgot to cover on his cheek, he could see how broken he was.