DAMAGED

KAT

The last couple of hours were blurring, beneath confusion and excitement. I said I wasn't going to drink but these days it seemed like I said a lot of things. Who even knew what was true anymore? I didn't. I could still feel Will's lips and Court's disgust twisting me inside out. Polarizing my emotions to the point where alcohol was the only thing inside my body making sense. Will Sullivan had turned every single thought that made sense even the ones I knew were unhealthy, upside down. I didn't love either of them; not Will or Court but I wanted what they made me feel. It felt wrong, like I was using both of them. I didn't want to but there was so much of me that was wrong I wasn't sure I even knew how to recognize it before it blew up in my face. Tonight wasn't about me or them or any of this chaos, it was about making a memorable set with some of the people I have known the longest. It was about making sure Will Sullivan left the festival with a bang. I threw back the rest of the lukewarm beer that the vendors overcharged for and wished on stars I couldn't see that I didn't lose my mind before this whole tour was said and done.

***

"Katastrophe Hale, boys and girls! Maybe, the love of my life but definitely the best girl I know. All heart that one!" Will's shout from the stage coated me, honey thick and full of sentiments and secrets. I breathed out, dizziness giving me pause. I could do this. He was right. I was Katastrophe Hale. I could no anything.

"Will Sullivan guys!" The crowd was louder than it had ever been. They adored him. The drums rolled through me, music flooding over the sharp edges. I leaned my head into his chest; gripping the mic he was holding. "I got this. You just stand right here and let us play for you." Laughter erupted with his face shifting into shock and we did, we played our asses off for him because kiss aside Will was one of the best humans I knew.

We sang, we hugged; we filled the moments in the middle with shots. The energy so manic I could feel it tingling in my skin and scalp. The whole show was blurring, the sweat soaking through my threadbare t-shirt made me shiver. Will jumped off anything still and Harper threw anything that wasn't heavy into the audience. There would be complaints in the morning. The music shifted into a fast paced ska song and we spun wild with abandon.

***

I awoke, the sounds of the bus filling my ears.

"Rise and shine, young princess, the world is yours." The voice above me was familiar but not so familiar that legs should be beneath me. I tried to be still and remember but my mouth tasting of old fruit and regret said the memories would be scarce.

"My mother would wake us like that, every morning clear until the end of high school. She really thought it would stay with us, the belief that the world was ours. She really thought Court and I were her young princes. We always said we hated it but there was something about the idea that this one person thought we were capable of anything that made us give in, let her wake us up however she wanted...whoa, don't try and sit up." His voice was soothing. Casey, close enough to the sound of Court's voice that I went still. How did I even get here and what the hell had I done.

"You drink too much. I can't tell you what to do but you need to know that." I squeezed my eyes tighter, like if I opened them I would have to see his disappointment. His tone told me I didn't have to worry that any of the mistakes I had made were with him. "He told me it would comfort you to hear the boring details of my upbringing. That it would calm you if you woke up defensive. I don't understand it but I think he does. He understands you.

"We all know how well he understands me." My voice throaty, not at all like normal.

"Yeah, you sound like shit. You screamed a lot, and sang a lot. Your vocals are pretty wrecked. Thank god for days off right?" He laughed. I doubt he was expecting an answer but I nodded nonetheless. "Were you referring to the no heart insult he lobbed at you?"