DAMAGED

COURT

Kat was a mess. I wasn't as big of a mess anymore. She didn't know it yet but that made all the difference. I was learning how to be better and patience was one of the most unexpected things that came with the freedom of letting go. I had left Wren behind. I had let go of the girl I loved with the trees and rain, with the childhood love that shouldn't have carried into adulthood. I felt her still, heard her laugh but I could breath. The sounds of her were in the background of memories I didn't need to shove down anymore. I could think of swimming in the river and the short summers absorbing the sunlight we didn't have often enough without breaking down. She was still there, her hair in a messy ponytail but now she was less defined.

I watched Kat while she fought us, trying desperately to push me further than I could take but I knew what I wanted and she was it. I wasn't drawn to her recklessness now. I wanted the Kat that smelled like dust and traced the bones of my face while I told her stories until she fell asleep. I wasn't chasing her chaos. That wasn't love. That was infatuation. I wanted to be with her in Cambria, wanted to read her books and walk around in the middle of the night. Seeing everything anew, through her and with her. I could do this. I wanted her to know me, the parts that were ugly and mean I had always shown her but now I wanted her to see that there were other parts too. I didn't want to use her for my music either so I didn't write her songs. I found songs by people that didn't know they were writing them about her. I sang those instead, she had been used enough.

She sang Overcast High and for a second I thought, Jesus, I could strangle her but she sang it so well, rearranged it so cleverly. I knew what this was. She was rattled. I sang it back to her, the color draining from her face but there was something else in that look, respect. She wasn't expecting it. I wanted to kiss her but this was her place, where she did her thing. I refused to make what she did so well about me. I just watched. Every show. For weeks.

"Court. Everett's got this plan man, you need to hear it." I grinned. I did want to hear it. Somewhere along the way I was building an army of aid. Somehow, along the way, Kat and I had gathered these cheerleaders for the cause. Harper was the most hesitant but she helped despite her reservations. She said she had to.

"What is it? I am throwing myself out there every show, man, but I don't know. It's a lot of two steps forward and fifty five slightly unsteady steps back." I wanted to really go home soon. I wanted to bring her with me. There were only three shows left. I was starting to wonder if that wasn't going to be enough.

"And..." His face was still, eyes narrowing.

"And what?" I was at a loss. I didn't know what he wanted from me. This was it. This was my boombox on shoulders; this was my Romeo in front of the balcony.

"And you knew what you were getting into. Period. So lets do this. You have friends. We all just want this thing to happen already so we can go back to writing songs and talking about anything else." His whole expression was feigned exasperation.

"So what's the plan?" Casey's face lit up. He had to know that I wasn't going to give up. He just waved in the general direction of the crowd. Everett materialized out of the sea of faces. Maggie was behind him, still stoned but her smile was that lazy happy one she wore most often.

"Why didn't you just all come over in the first place?" Casey shrugged and gestured with his head to the now emptying stage. "Oh, because of the Overcast High thing. I'm fine. I actually liked her version more. Felt less like crying.

"Court, Maggie and I got this. We know your next play." He was whisper yelling, his hands already flying around. I laughed. The excitement was turning alarmingly contagious.

"Do not sing another song for her, not until the end. You guys should honestly talk before this all goes down but anyways we all do this thing, last show. Last chance. Wait for it..." We all rolled our eyes, Everett had been binging How I Met Your Mother the last month and everything was prefaced with wait for it. He didn't mind that he was years late to the catchphrase.