Our bill was $532.75. The paper said I had called him 1,004 times in two weeks. I haven't changed out of the clothes is worn since the day tony died. Two whole weeks and I'm still in the same spot I was last Thursday.
My hair was matted to my head and other strands of hair. My cheeks were hollowed and my stomach caved in. Glass from the light bulbs have lain still on the floor.
My mother has come to visit me everyday. She brings me food but every time I get the scent of it, nausea fills my body. I wait until she leaves and then I shove it under my bed. I'm pretty sure mold and other fuzzy single celled organisms have taken over the eatability. I probably smell like Taco Bell and Krystal's combine.
I can't believe what I was doing at the moment never in my life have I self mutilated, but here I am digging a blade deep in my hip.
Tony would be ashamed if he had ever caught me looking like this. He'd flip his shit to be honest.
It subsided the pain, the grief, the guilt it wasn't there when I did this. I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed to look at the wounds that I inflict on myself.
A pill bottle of Zoloft sat beside me on the floor. Half empty to say the least. I'm pretty sure I was high. I've never been high before but it feels great. I can think of Tony and not feel sorrow. It's as if I can feel him almost, like he's just on the other side of the bed.
"Tony, you remember that one time when I was I was a freshman a-and you were going down the stairs and you slipped and fell... Then you started fake twitching-" I was cut off by my laughter. It filled the room in gurgling echoes. I noticed that tony wasn't laughing.
"Tony? You do remember that right?" I asked. But there was no answer. I couldn't really see the other side of my bed from where I was. I shifted all my weight to my hands and knees, not trusting my feet.
As I made my way to the other side of the bed a piece of glass from the light bulb entered my shin. I screamed in pain, I sat down on my ass. the door opened and a figure appeared. It stopped and scanned the room then started towards me.
"Ahh thank god, Tony I got a damn piece of glass stuck my knee." I said I vision fuzzing around the edges. "Honey I'm not Tony. It's your sister Kendal."
Apparently I didn't make it as far as I thought because I was still close to the pill bottle. Kendal's nimble fingers wrapped around them, checking the label for the prescription date.
"Did you take all of these? Ember look at me." She turned my face to look at her- I was seeing triples. "I want Tony, where's Tony at? I got this peice of glass in me and I need Tony. I need Tony.." I sobbed , and instead of being the good sister that she isn't that bitch called my mom and told her what I had done. After digging out the glass she left without a word.....
I was waiting for what was awaiting me in the near future
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Okay so what do you guys think? Do you like? Sorry it's so long. I really hope you guys like it
~Des
