A Different Kind of Addiction - COMPLETE

Getting Back To Work

It has been a while I guess. Shit got me down but who cares. 

. . .

Even though Charlie had stopped being mad at me and Mika had topped scowling, Asia was still staring at me like she wanted to seriously hurt me. 

"Hey I am going to get some coffee for everyone." Mika says as she walks out of the room quietly. he looks at me and then points at Asia who is sitting down not saying anything. She shuts the door behind her.

"Asia man. I'm sorry okay. I needed to distract myself from some shit. When I'm not drunk it's like everything is hazy and I can't reach anything real. It is like I am trapped in my mind with all of these thoughts. I feel like I want to die. But when I drink it helps, I am happy I can walk around without a care in the world, when I am drunk it is like I don't have to think about the fact that my brother, the only member of my family, the boy who single handedly  looked after me when our parents died, the guy who bandaged me up after my fights who made me disgusting smoothies every morning before school, is dead because of me. Last night was a one off. I don't usually drive after drinking and the driver wasn't looking either. I will pay the fine or whatever and I will be more careful. And just to show you how sorry I am. I am going to stop drinking alcohol completely for as long as I can. I don't want to hurt you guys anymore than I already have. Forgive me please." I say looking at each of them in turn.

Asia looks like she is trying to mad but then she gives up. Her face falls.

"Ant-" I give her stern look, reminding her of what I promised earlier. She rephrased

"Toni I love you. You are like a sister to me. Or brother shall I say. We have spent most of our lives together and I know your characteristics and your coping mechanisms. Nico and I were like siblings as well and when he died I was devastated. But I know it hit you harder than anyone because he was your blood brother but because he was one of the only people you could fully open up to and you felt like the death was your fault. That morning when we came to get from the hospital after he died was the last time I ever saw you cry. But it is like you aren't even human anymore, you don't cry and you barely acknowledge any human emotions. You are so closed off, if either of us mention Nico you freeze up and storm out or go and get bladdered at a bar. Then you had your little midnight meeting with Mika. And for a short moment I thought that we got you back. You didn't stop smiling until you left the house. I thought that this one girl had broken your wall. But then this happened. It needs to stop man. It has to stop. This will end so badly for you if it doesn't. So at least promise me that if this happens again, Charlie, Mika and I are free to knock you out."

I laugh

" I promise" Asia and Charlie come over and hug me.

" It is scary man, we miss the old you, the truly happy you, not the one who smiles for a split second and then goes into her own world. We want you back for fucks sake" Charlie says.

"I will try, for you and Nico."

Mika walks back in with a mouth full of donut and no coffee.

We look up to stare at her.

"What. I got distracted." she says and we all laugh.

1 month and 2 weeks later

Beep.

8:10

Awww Shit. I'm fucking late again.

I jump up from my bed and run into the bathroom as quick as I can. I turn the shower on to the hottest temperature (how I like it) and step in. I shower thoroughly and quickly. I jump out, wrap a towel around myself and walk out.

I walk into my closet and pick an outfit.

I pick out: a pair of cobalt blue jean shorts, my oversized white dolce gabbana vest, my favourite leather jacket and my black and white Filas.

I put by boxers and bra on. Then the outfit I picked out. I grabbed my phone off of the charger and ran downstairs. I opened the fridge and took out a starbucks iced mocha and put it in my fanny pack. I clipped my pack on and went outside to my motorbike. I hopped on and messaged Mika and the guys before I left

T:hey guys just left for work. Woke up l8 again. See u l8r

Then I start the bike and head to work. 

I ride for about 10 minutes and then I get there. As I walk in and get into the lift, I check my messages.

C: Fucking numpty. Stop snoozing your alarm. Adios puta

A: You better not get into any trouble. See ya

M : Im gonna come round later cause im bored and haven't seen u lot since you recovered. Off to work. Mwah

I chuckle. I walk in and enter the recording space. After that I realise that I feel like dancing today.

So I create a choreography for Con Calma by Daddy Yankee. When my photographer, video guy and editor get here I record and edit the dance and post it on all my socials followed up with a tutorial. After I practice a couple more dances. Answer some fan mail. Then I have lunch break. I just have a sandwich. (God I love sandwiches). After lunch I do a video for my YouTube channel reacting to some of my own and other people's videos. 

Then I leave. Wow. I haven't done a full day of work for a while. It felt good being occupied for once since the crash.

I pack up my stuff and say by to the staff. I try to clear my head on the way back home but all I can think about is the fact that Mika is coming over later and I haven't drunk any alcohol for 1 month and 2 weeks not including the time that I was in a coma.

Uuuhh life.