The sudden and unexpected death of Toni's last family member shakes her deeper than ever. She begins to rely on risking herself and drinking not to think about it. She doesn't ever seem to be content without a drink in her hand. Will a sudden encou...
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Toni POV
"Oh my god" she says as she walks towards the centre of the garden. She yells
"aaaahhh" and starts running around like a crazy person. For a second I wonder what she is doing but then I give up and join her. We run around screaming our heads off laughing and leaping over bushes and stuff. After a while we end up lying on the green grass.
"That was the most fun I have had in a while." she says smiling up at the sky.
"I'm glad you had fun in company." she turns to look at me thoughtfully
"How do you know about this place?" I sigh and turn away slightly
"Me and brother used to come here to get away from everything before he died. We used to lie here and watch the clouds and play hide and seek." I say not entirely to her.
"You know sometimes I feel like I am disappointing him." I say. I look at her and she nods saying that I can carry on
" I mean I run around drunk off my head and hook up with girls as a way to cope. But the reason is because I am not happy. I feel like since he died everything is a big haze. Like bad dream that I can't wake up from, like I have no control. When I'm drunk it takes the edge off, I feel more and more like I am actually real. Like I can feel things other than anger, the alcohol isn't usually enough to distract myself from the pain of it. So I go to girls houses or do dangerous things just to get a thrill in life. I look at Asia and Charlie and see that they are happy. Stef and A are happy together and Charlie is a naturally fun and trouble free dude. I see them and I think do I even deserve to be happy like that? Do I deserve them? I just all of it. You think having money and fame would make me fulfilled but I am still a sad sack of shit." I huff. I feel tears fill my eyes and I abruptly stand up and walk off to the other side of the meadow. I watch clouds float past as a tear falls to grass.
Mika POV
I watch as she tells me this. Her face falls and she looks as though she is in a large amount of pain. When she finishes she gets up really quickly and turns away. She walks away and I see a tear drop into the grass.
I say
"I don't think that Nicolas would be disappointed in you. Actually I think he would be proud of you" she sniffs at that. I know she is crying but she doesn't want me to know so I stay behind her.
"Look where you were. You haven't told me much about how you was before we met but the guys have said that you were out every night drinking and hooking up with girls.But look at you now. You've stopped drinking, you've started working harder and releasing music, creating loops and dances. You seem happier if anything, when we met you trying to catch hypothermia in the rain. When was the last time you touched alcohol. Look how far you've come" I start to walk slowly towards her.
