Emotions #2

18

Aryse
When you think about a love story, you imagine a sad lonely girl who's looking for a way out of her shitty  life. She's looking for that opportunity to take the chance to be with that boy whom she's been secretly loving. The boy who didn't even care to notice her existence until the rude girl who's been bullying her takes the chance to embarrass her in the hallway. The boy helps the poor girl and sends the rude one away. He helps the girl up and smiles at her. She looks at him shyly and flustered. Think about a year later and the boy and the girl he helped are now together and have a child on the way and a bright future. Sounds romantic, right? But.. imagine that the boy has a past lover. His past best friend..this friend..this boy who he loved first. Loved first before helping the girl in the hallway. The boy who he grew up with, the boy who he held hands with, kissed and even first touched sexually.. the boy who made him happy for the first time in a while. The boy that he put to the side for a girl so he wouldn't ruin his perfect reputation..
Hayden..he meant a lot to me and he still does. With everything that's happened since that day I stood up for Lyra and broke up with Sadie I feel like I've lost my self. Ever since Lyra.. she's changed me. I'm realizing now that I'm never going to be that Aryse I was in the hallway a year ago. I'm not the Aryse that faked a relationship with Hayden. I'm not the Aryse Baylor I thought I was.
Am I doing the right thing by helping Lyra and being here for her? Was it wrong to leave Hayden my best friend and first love to be with this girl who is carrying a baby from a boy who hurt her? Am I doing the right thing by putting everyone else aside to step up and be a father to this baby that's not even mine?
I'm not sure I want this.. I'm not even fit to be that person. I'm just a kid.. a kid who's supposed to be focusing on his career and his studies..
If I could go back in time to that day in the hallway, I would. Helping Lyra was a good thing to do, but now? I'm not sure if I feel that way now. All the hurt that I've been through because of her is affecting how I pictured my life to be.
I'm seeing my future and it's not how I ever imagined it to be. I wanted to be with him.. with Hayden. Never did I think that I'd be taking on a baby from a stranger.. I didn't picture myself being a father..
This future  that I now see, scares the shit out of me.. it's not something I could have ever thought would have happened.
I loved Hayden.. I still do in a way. The connection that we have can never be taken away. The connection I have with Lyra is something I can't explain.
I don't know if I can follow through with all of this.. I'm not sure if I'm even ready..