Why Don't We Imagines

not enough •ZH•

"So i'll see you later on?" Zach asks, kissing my cheek. He's been acting a little more off recently

"Are you okay?" I grab his hands, both of them in mine. Just like it's meant to be.

"Caroline i'm good, i'll pick you up at 10" He nods and walks away from me. I keep an eye on him until he's in his friends car and then make my way home.

Walking through the street and obviously, i just had to walk into my ex-friend group. i never was good enough for them.

I was, and still am, bullied by these 6 girls for 2 continuous years. Until i started dating the school jock. However, that all progressed again a month after Zach and i being together.

Verbally, physically and mentally bullied by these girls all because i wasn't pretty enough to be in their friend group.

It still hurts me, honestly. I wonder why i'm never good enough. It's sort of like i'm just there

"Carol, remember when cake was your favorite thing?" One of my bestest friends shouts. That's Maria. From Pre-school we were inseparable.

And now we're strangers.

"Thank god she stayed off that. Imagine being both a combination of ugly and fat" The other girl, Yasmin. Laughs.

And cue my eating disorder i've been struggling with for the past two years. Yeah i don't eat a lot because i don't wanna gain weight.

If i do, it's just more stress and pressure to be added onto me and i don't know if i can cope with that.

Not eating is better then feeling worthless, am i right?

Although that doesn't really work because everyday i still wake up wondering why i'm the worthless one.

And Zach doesn't really know about anything of my problems. Not that i don't tell him... i do if they're minor. But i don't want him worrying over something he has no control over.

My parents both died. I loved them with my whole heart and wish it would've been me instead. Car crash.

Driving me back from therapy after everything with my friends went down. A truck hit the front and they both didn't make it.

I watched it. I wanted to save them. If i could i'd trade my life to bring them both back.

I wish i could.

And that's the story to how Zach and I got together.

I was in the hospital getting my injuries treated, His leg was just recently healed from a sporting accident which left him in a cast.

He caught me crying about what had happened to my parent's and we just kind of clicked. He helped me through it.

We were best friends for a while and then one night, he took me out and kissed me underneath the starts at the beach.

a year and a half has been the time i've spent with him.

And i'm ever so thankful for him. He has a good soul and i do love him.

I carry on walking past the group of girls just to get a freezing cold sprite, thrown in my face.

"Makeup doesn't make you pretty sweetie" Maria laughs, looking down at me.

And then i run.

I run back to my house.

The house which has no electricity and heating. My guardian, Aunt Lola. Is a druggie and alcoholic that sells her body for drugs.

She is never home, i live by myself.

I'm so fucking worthless. What is my point of being on this earth.

I need Zach.

I need him to reassure me that everything will be okay. Like he always does when he senses something is wrong.

I sit on my couch and grab my phone out of my pocket. I call Zach and his phone rings.

"Hello" a sweet female voice picks up the phone.

"Who's this?" I choke on my words a little bit.

"I'm Zachs girlfriend, Kay. And you are?"

No.

And with that.

My whole world is shattered

Dear Zach,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry i wasn't good enough and i'm sorry i piled all my problems onto you. You made me the happiest girl alive whenever we were together. But i'm starting to realize that the feeling wasn't mutual.

I don't know who that girl is but i hope you make her the happiest you can, and i hope she does the same for because i clearly didn't.

I don't know what i did wrong to make you do this to me but i am sorry. I really am. It hurts me so much because you made me feel so special yesterday when you took me out to the arcade, and now today you made me feel unwanted. being distant and shady. Now i know the reason to why you were acting like that.

I loved you more than i loved myself, Zach. I loved you with my whole heart and you didn't reciprocate it.

Writing this, i'm getting flashbacks and memories of the times we had together. Like when we went rollerblading and fell on top of each other. Or our visit to the aquarium where you pretended to be a blob fish. Or you introducing me to your parents. We had so many amazing memories together Zach and i hope you remember me by them.

I'm sitting here with pills in my hand and your water bottle. Memories of us are playing in my head and i'm thankful that they are.

I wish i could give you my pain just for one moment for you to understand how much hurt i was feeling when she answered your phone.

But for now, I'm going to see my parents. I'll make sure to tell them that you were the first love of my life and my last.

I love you Zach

Caroline xx

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bruh i low key cried making this bc i just used what i go through

requested

also

My It's Just a Number book is nearly done

so i'm gonna need a new book...

drop ideas :)