This Means War

Ol' Reliable

"Poor Sebastian." I whispered, aiming my phone at him as I recorded. "He has no idea that the longer he sits there, the more the super glue is drying."

I ended the video, tucking my phone away and going up to talk to him as he read over the script in his hands while the crew worked on the lighting.

"Hey, Seb."

"Hi, Ellie. What's up?"

"Waiting around." I sighed, glancing over at the crew again. One of the rigs had broken. We had been stalled for half an hour already.

"It shouldn't be too much longer." Sebastian offered, watching as they worked.

"Feels like it's taking forever." I sighed. "Hey!" I called out, catching one of the workers attention. "Do you know about how much longer?"

"At least an hour!" He called back.

"So what were you saying about not too much longer?" I grumbled, taking my phone out of my pocket again and stealthily aiming it at Seb.

"What, I can't be wrong?" He laughed, dropped the script into his lap.

"No. You're not allowed. If this is going to be another hour I'm going to wait it out somewhere air conditioned."

"Same." He agreed, grabbing the script from his lap and trying to stand. "La dracu!" He swore as the chair tipped over, sending him toppling to the ground.

I fell over soon after from how hard I was laughing. "That... was... the greatest thing... I've ever... seen!" I gasped through my laughter.

"Ellie. What did you do?" Sebastian groaned, vainly trying to shove the chair off his back.

"I glued your ass to the chair!" I laughed, wiping the tears from my eyes as I recalled his floundering tumble.

"Are you serious?" He groaned, trying again to free himself. "How the hell am I supposed to get out of this?"

"Well, there's the obvious choice."

"Are you recording this?"

"It's live."

"Hello world!" He greeted with false cheer, resting his head on his fist. "You see how mean she is to me? She glued me to a chair!"

"Yeah, ok, I'm the mean one." Ellie scoffed. "You guys saw what he did to me last week. Weirdo went and bought a fake wedding ring just to ruin my date."

"I save you from a terrible evening and you glue me to a chair?"

"What makes you think it would be terrible?"

"You weren't even excited about it."

"Yeah, you guys should have seen the show this jerk put on! Acting all worried, asking me who it was, where we were going, making me promise to text him when we got there. All just so he could show up and pretend I was his wife."

"Hey, I was concerned!" Sebastian protested. "You're very small, you could easily be kidnapped!"

"Ha ha. Seb's got jokes." Ellie deadpanned. "What are you gonna do about your current situation?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure my pants are already ripped from the fall."

"You know, if you surrender, I'll get some scissors to cut you free."

"Yeah, no. You already destroyed one pair of pants and posted my ass all over Instagram."

"I could cut the chair." Ellie offered. "If you don't want help, there's only one way out."

"Oh, you think I won't?" Sebastian asked, shooting her a defiant look as he squirmed, unbuckling his belt and opening his fly before wiggling his way out. He stopped once the material was at his knees to remove his boots before pulling himself the rest of the way out.

"There you have it folks, Sebby's striptease. It's just as awkward as you'd think it'd be." Ellie laughed, shaking her head.

"You know, if you wanted me out of my pants, you just had to ask."

"I didn't even need words to get you out of your pants." Ellie snorted, glancing back at her phone screen. "What the hell is 'Sellie?' A ship name? What ship?"

"What?" Sebastian asked, shooting her a confused look.

"Everyone keeps commenting 'Sellie is real'. I don't know what that means. Am I supposed to sell your glue pants on EBay or something?" Ellie attempted to explain through her own confusion. "What about shipping? Bro, I'm lost... wait... oh!"

"What?"

"They're saying we're dating."

"Oh. Huh. You'd think we would let each other know something like that."

"I was unaware. I swear, I would have told you if I had known!" Ellie shrugged. "Sorry, guys. He may run off any competition, but he's not my boyfriend."

"Oh, like you ran Amanda off?" Seb grumbled.

"You talk a big game for a man with no pants on."

"I have nothing to hide."

"I'll say, look at those legs. Someone has been taking workout advice from Mackie!" Ellie cheered, panning down his legs. "Dude, no." She sighed, watching more comments fly by. "We aren't confirming anything! We are denying it! We are friends! No! There are no benefits! If anything it's a burden!"

"What? There are so many benefits to being my friend!"

"Not what they are talking about, you poor innocent little puppy. Guys, really, we are just friends. Do you want a formal statement? Ok, fine!" Ellie grumbled, moving to stand next to Sebastian, flipping the camera around to capture their faces.

"I am Ellie LaBette."

"And I am Sebastian Stan." He added, throwing an arm around her shoulders and leaning down so she could capture their faces easier.

"And we are not dating."

"Not each other, or anyone else for that matter."

"There is your official statement. And you know it's legit because only one of us is wearing pants."

"It's not me." Sebastian added dryly before Ellie hit the button to end the recording.

"Well, that did not go according to plan." Ellie sighed, running a hand over her face.

"I don't know. You managed to get me out of my pants." Sebastian shrugged.

"Yeah, how long are you going to stand around like that, by the way?"

"As long as it takes to make you uncomfortable."

"God, you're weird." Ellie sighed, shaking her head and walking away.

"Why won't you give my love a chance?!" Sebastian wailed playfully after her.

"No!"