This Means War

Lucky Shower

Fun fact! Sebastian really loves sugary cereals marketed towards kids! Specifically Lucky Charms. Something about growing up in communism and being deprived of the sugary goodness. He always had a box open wherever he was staying. Early call? Have a bowl of Lucky Charms. Didn't feel like doing anything for lunch? Lucky Charms. Came home late with no dinner plans? Lucky Charms. Come home drunk at 4am? Eating Lucky Charms straight out of the box while laying on his kitchen floor. Lucky Charms were always there for him.

Another fun fact? His assistant always had a spare key to wherever he was staying at the time, just in case she needed to grab something he had forgotten. Like his phone twice a month. Or a script at least once a week. Or that one time he left the house at 3am for a very early shoot with two different shoes on. Yes, Anne always had access to his house. She was also very trusting. She had seen Ellie at his house more than once. She knew they were friends. Convincing her that Ellie had left her sweater at his house a few weeks ago and to let her borrow the key was alarmingly easy.

Third fun fact! Ellie can be a bit of an asshole. That is how the current situation had come to fruition. Ellie was in his house while he was busy on set. Ah, the joys of only having a supporting role. It gave her plenty of free time. In fact, it gave her enough time to go to three different grocery stores and clear them out of all their Lucky Charms. Also, ample time to empty all the boxes into Sebastian's beautiful glass enclosed shower. All the way to the top. This one was going to hit it where it hurt.

She yanked back the blankets on his bed and stacked the empty boxes up there, tucking them in with malicious glee. What? You couldn't honestly expect her to clean the mess up by herself.

All that was left to do now was wait. Drinking would have probably made it more fun when he did get home to her surprise, but the only thing alcoholic he had was beer. Who willingly drinks beer? It tasted like a dirty sweat sock. Granted, tequila and rum didn't taste great on their own, but that's why you added other shit to it.

She finally decided on coffee while she waited. That was an adventure in and of itself. Of course he would have no problem eating sugary cereal and drinking beer, but adding any sort of sweetener to coffee? THAT would be what blew his diet. Everyone knows that adding anything sweet to coffee instantly nullified the twelve different exercise routines he did every day. In the end she raided the open box of Lucky Charms and threw some marshmallows into her coffee to desperately try and curb the bitterness.

It didn't work, but who could blame a girl for trying? In the end, coffee had been a total waste. The marshmallow concoction ended up tasting like Satan's ball sack. She just settled for eating the rest of his beloved cereal straight from the box.

Sebastian's alarm was instantly raised when he saw a familiar car parked by the curb in front of his rental home. Anne had mentioned that Ellie had borrowed the key to pick up a sweater she had left there weeks ago. At first, he hadn't questioned it. They ended up over at each other's houses a lot, it stood to reason she would have forgotten something like that. He was pretty sure he had left multiple hats at her place. Whether he would get them back or not, he didn't know.

Anne had told him about Ellie's retrieval mission five hours ago. It did not take five hours to find a sweater. What the hell was he walking in to? She'd been left unsupervised for hours on end. That was way too much time for her evil mind to fuck with things. Should he just cut his losses and move? Starting over in a different house may end up being easier than dealing with whatever she had done.

Would she have Saran wrapped everything he owned? She had voiced her disappointment in his simple plastic wrap trick a few days ago. Would she have taken it to the next level? Maybe she would make further changes to his wardrobe and now all his pants would have giant holes in the ass. Or she could have just thrown everything he owned into the pool. He wouldn't put it past her.

The real victim here, however, was Anne. That poor sweet girl had been tricked by his asshole of a friend. She had no reason to not trust the other woman. She was going to end up blaming herself for whatever horrors awaited him inside. Poor thing. She didn't deserve that. Then again, Ellie's date a few weeks ago didn't deserve to feel like a home wrecker either. Poor Evan. Or was it Allan? Aaron? Poor guy who's name he couldn't remember.

He slowly opened the door, holding his breath as he surveyed the front room for damage. Nothing looked out of place. Except for the tiny woman sprawled out on his couch, plowing through his Lucky Charms, of course.

"Hi babe." She drawled, an evil smile spreading across her face.

"What did you do?" Sebastian asked, looking around the room again.

"What makes you think I did something?" Ellie gasped in mock offense.

"Because it's you."

"I made the worlds worst cup of coffee." Ellie shrugged innocently. "Seriously, who doesn't have sugar?"

"What would I need it for?"

"For making things sweet?" Ellie responded slowly, picking up her phone from the coffee table when I lit up, laughing at whatever was on the screen.

"Do I want to know what's so funny?"

"Oh, your mom is the best." Ellie sighed, clicking the device back off.

"If you're talking to my mom, you fucked with something again. What did you do?"

"You'll figure it out." Ellie assured him with a small shrug of her shoulders, standing up to follow him during his inspection of the house. Front room was fine. Guest bedroom and bathroom were fine. Kitchen sink had a mug with something disgusting coating the inside of it. Probably the gross coffee she had mentioned. His bedroom looked untouched.

Then he came to the adjoining bathroom. Finally found her fuckery. The shower was filled to the top with something. Closer inspection revealed it to be Lucky Charms.

"Seriously?" He groaned, leaning his head against the glass. "That's just mean."

"Bro, I bought out three stores entire stock of your favorite cereal, just for you. How is that mean?"

"Because you dumped it all in the shower instead of in my face?" He whined, shooting the camera a playful pout.

"I didn't dump any milk on it. It's not like it's getting soggy." Ellie shrugged.

"You know what? You're right." Sebastian admitted, disappearing for a moment before coming back with a bowl, a spoon, a jug of milk and a look of determination.

"Hang on, I need to record this!" Ellie laughed, switching to video on her phone.

Sebastian gave the camera a defiant smile and pulled the door open, cereal spilling out around his feet and legs. He scooped up a bowl full and plopped down on the cereal covering the floor, dumping milk in the bowl and eating like nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Grab a bowl, El! We aren't wasting this!" Sebastian insisted, shoveling more into his mouth.

"I'm in." Ellie laughed, ending the recording to go fetch herself something to eat with. Sebastian vaguely heard her complaining about how high the bowls were stored in his cabinets, but she did eventually return, excavating a bowlful and taking a seat next to him. He silently poured milk into her dish, settling it back down beside him and fishing his phone out of his pocket.

"Smile, I'm sending this to my mom."