This Means War

Boom

The door to his trailer was locked. He was learning! He was finally learning! I mean, he still had the emergency exit window unsecured, but he started locking the front door during breaks! I'm so proud!

My tits are still filled with rage from the forced morning run a few days ago, however. I'm just happy all footage of me had been from the back. That would have been a PR nightmare for the both of us. Everyone already thinks we're sleeping together.

Well, he's sleeping. Why is he always sleeping? I swear, he naps more than a baby. He also gets very cranky when he doesn't get his nap. He is without a doubt, an overgrown child.

I mean, I'm not much better, but that's irrelevant. I managed to shimmy my way up through the open window and into the bedroom of his trailer. He seriously sleeps like he's dead. Anthony and I have had full conversations while he slept and he didn't budge, and not for nothing, but Anthony is pretty loud.

I seriously doubt he was going to sleep through this, but I've been surprised before. I brought most of the raw materials with me. All I needed was to borrow a pot with a lid to make this safe. He had that in the kitchenette. He never used it, but I'd seen it while invading his privacy on more than one occasion.

I made sure to remind everyone that we were bad influences and to not try anything we do for themselves at the beginning of the video. Especially what he does. I mean, seriously, who brands someone then makes them go for a run at 4 in the morning? I'm not even that upset about the run. I'm more upset about the lack of bra. Petty? Probably, but running is hard as it is, we don't need to add trying to wrangle two bouncing fun bags to the mix.

So, the next obvious choice was to disrupt his nap. A grown man that takes a nap after lunch everyday. Adorable. Then again, it's apparently normal for him to wake up stupid early to go for a run. Is that how you get abs like his? I'm incredibly jealous of his abs, but I'm not that dedicated. Plus I have asthma. You only get so far before I can't breathe and have to stop. I'm like a pre-serum Steve Rogers. Just shorter.

I set the string of firecrackers in the pot, flicking the lighter on and igniting the fuse before putting the lid back in place and standing back. I will never tire of his awkward flailing and probable swearing in another language. The floor shook with how hard he hit the ground. Payback was amazing.

"You ok?" I asked sweetly as I nudged his thigh with my toe.

"Why am I friends with you?" Came his muffled reply.

"You know, I've been wondering the same thing. Maybe you're a masochist?"

"You're horrible."

"Love you too." I snickered, beginning to detangle him from the sheet he'd gotten himself trapped in.

"Your love is loud and painful." He pouted, finally rolling himself over and sitting up. All at once he reached up and grabbed me, yanking me down and locking his legs around me, relentlessly tickling my sides.

"Stop! No! Bad!" I gasped, wiggling uselessly against him.

"Say you're sorry!"

"Fuck you!"

"Wrong answer." He laughed, digging his fingers harder into my side. I squealed, my elbow shooting back into his side out of desperation. He loosened his grip just enough for me to spin around, quickly shoving him back into the ground.

"Bad!" I repeated sternly, my hands pressed firmly against his chest.

"Who decided to wake me up with explosives?" He scoffed, rolling us over all to easily and pinning my wrists by my head.

"Do I need to remind you of the four AM run?"

"You're not still on about that, are you?" He half laughed.

"That was messed up!"

"I offered to kiss it better!"

"You know, my back is still burnt, this is not comfortable."

"Oh, my bad." He mumbled, moving off of me and helping me to my feet. "How is it, by the way?"

Oh, you mean the sunburn I can't help but feel is somehow your fault? Yes, let's discuss that. Wonderful conversation. I mean, I can't go swimming without raising a lot of questions right now. No way I'm at all salty about that! Not like it's Georgia in the summertime or anything!

Rather than actually unleash my inner rant, I just turned around and lifted the back of my shirt, showing the still pink skin surrounding his untouched initials.

"That's great!" He laughed, jerking my shirt up higher to get a better look. "Hand me your phone!" He insisted, aiming it at my back as he continued laughing. "Yeah, I think I deserved the rude wake up call after that." He snickered, poking at the burn.

"Ouch?"

"I'm not sorry."

"So mean."