Sunshower

Chapter 13: Investigations

Cassia turned on the lights as she walked into her apartment and looked around. She didn't know what she expected, but her whole world looked different. Everything around her was foreign. She sat on her bed, still in a daze, and caught herself wondering what Hoseok was doing. She realized he hadn't called or texted her in several hours. "I guess he's finally given up on me, too," she thought to herself, though she couldn't really blame him. She felt her heart get heavy and she realized she not only missed Hoseok, but she needed him. She needed him to put his arms around her and make her feel important again.

As her stomach growled angrily, she realized she hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. But she wasn't even hungry. The thought of food made her sick to her stomach. Instead, she laid down on her bed and covered up. She felt like she would lose her sanity at any minute and that scared the hell out of her. She had always been in control. How could this one bit of news hit her so hard? She fell asleep early, hugging her pillow close to her.

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Cassia woke up around 1am and sat straight up in her bed. Tears flooded her eyes and began to fall on her quilt. The sobs came next, followed by the lack of air entering her lungs.

She had dreamed of her dad. She dreamed of him leaving. Then it was like her whole life relived itself in her unconscious mind. She saw the night her dad left, she saw the night she came home not realizing her mother's boyfriend was there. She even saw the rape as it happened. She saw the vulnerability in her own eyes as she told her best friend what happened. She saw her best friend call her a liar and then leave. She relived all of the loneliness she had buried deep within herself and watched as each brick of her wall stacked around her. Then she saw the train and then Hoseok. She watched as he sat down in front of her and made her talk to him. She saw all the times he wouldn't leave her alone - the times he forced her to spend time with him, how he made her feel when he was around. Then she was there, in his arms, crying - the first time she had ever opened up to anyone since her best friend.

All of this came rushing back to her in a matter of seconds and panic overtook her conscious world. She stumbled out of the bed to find her medicine as her shaking legs barely got her to her suitcase where her medicine hid. When she couldn't find it, however, she started digging frantically through her bag. She got close to the bottom of her bag when she saw the note.

It was a folded piece of white copy paper lying neatly in the stacks of her clothes. She pulled the paper from her bag and unfolded it.

"Cass,
I know you don't like to admit it, but if I have learned anything about you, you will need some sense of security at some point before I find you again. Please wear this sweater. It's mine. You can pretend I am holding you or whatever you need as long as it makes you feel better. I know you probably don't want to talk, but you have my number if you need me.
Hobi"

She cried harder as she realized he packed his big red fluffy sweater in her bag. She put it on and immediately felt the panic dissipate and the tears dry up. Unfortunately, she felt sadness replacing the panic. She admitted to herself how much she missed him. She found her medicine, finally, took it, and crawled back into the bed. She did just what her note from Hobi told her to do. She wrapped her arms close to her body and buried her nose into Hoseok's sweater. She breathed in his scent and felt close to tears again as she imagined his arms around her. How she wished he were there with her. She fell asleep vowing to tell him that the next time she saw him.

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The next morning Cassia woke up refreshed and ready to start again with her search. She felt a calmness about her and she enjoyed that feeling, knowing it would likely not last once she got deep into her search. She ate her breakfast; some fruit and coffee and got dressed for a long day. She packed her bag with a couple bottles of water and snacks so she wouldn't have to spend more money at the library. Right before she left her room, she picked up Hoseok's red sweater and pulled it over her head. A smile lit her lips as she placed her bag on her back and left the room.