The Internship || Kim Namjoon Fanfiction

The Internship || Chapter 36: Game Plan

《2 days later... 》

Yes, I know you all hate me. And I know that you are probably reading this and thinking to yourselves 'wow, I have never met anyone so annoying and stupid.'
So I can tell you that you are absolutely right. I turned down a really sweet guy, who I'll admit that I might have feelings for. He is kind, sweet, considered and shy. He will always compliment me and smile even when it's hard. I have never seen someone as cable as him to remain calm under great pressure. I sure do have learning to do from him.

But... I still cannot understand why... why I can't just give in to him. There is a part of me that is refusing to be with him, although if I think about it really well we are a good match. And until I will realize what the hell is wrong with, I cannot be with him.

The problem is that he is not like a school crush, I see him EVERYDAY. On tour it is specifically a problem because we basically live next door. But now that we are back in Korea, I have my own apartment to return to by my self. Okay, it sounds a bit sad but you get the point.

It is awkward between us, I'll say that. Because we both know that I lied, big time. He knew it the first moment he looked in my eyes and his expression changed. For a split second, he believed that I didn't feel a thing and I was just trying to make things less awkward between us by saying that it was nothing. However, right after that, he looked straight into my eyes and he knew. He knew that I felt something.

And I did. I felt my heart beating fast, not from shock, no. It felt good. I didn't feel that in a long time. I lost any feeling in my hands and my knees felt weak. I didn't want to admit it then, and I am kinda scared to admit it now. But I felt something. I cannot own up to it. I just can't.

It's a fact.

When Taehyung kissed me, I felt nothing. I just felt his lips on mine and that all it was. I recall that I felt surprised but not something special. It was just a kiss and nothing more.

Okay, enough with this topic for now.

So anyways, we are back in Korea. Finally, I was so happy to return to a place which I called for a year and a little more 'home'. I admit that it is nice to have a little space and much more time, but I miss the together time I had with the crew while on tour.

The guys are resting after the tour. How? Returning home to visit their beloved ones, travel a bit, eat some awesome food and enjoy life.
What do I do? Well, I did have a chance to fly to visit my mom. Only her.
But she told me that things are a bit sensitive in the house so it's best to stay away. I did suggest that she will fly to me, but she refused.
I did not want to miss the chance so I flew to L.A. for a month to spend some time with Jia. I told her EVERYTHING that has happened since we last saw each other, and as I expected she nearly punched me in the face.

"ARE YOU CARZY?!" she yelled at me with her big dark brown eyes wide open.
"I think YOU might be!" I stood up and sat on the other sofa, away from her. She got closer and continued: "So he kissed you, you liked it, and you friend zoned him?! You are mad my friend."
"I know I am mad, I am Lucy Anderson. But turely, I don't know why, I just cannot own up to it."
"What is there to own up to? You like him. End of discussion."
"But--"
"No! You are going back and telling him that you like him. Got it?" She pointed a blaming finger at me.
"I will consider it."

So yeah it went on for quite a while, so I will cut to the chase. I understand that I am an idiot, but I just can't see why I can't accept my feelings. I feel like it's forbidden! I need to search for an answer why. But till then, I still have work to do.

Don't you all think for a moment that I forgot about Jimin's bad habit of starving. I did not. And never will.
It is highly disturbing that every time Jimin is reading one bad comment, he is dragging himself to starvation.
Trust me, I get perfectionism. I was there in my past, I wanted to be perfect in anyway and I would have done anything to get what I want. Let's say that this was not a good time in my life, and I will not talk about it further more.