Beautiful Disaster

Hard Lesson

I just read my old diary.
The cover is pink, and my sister got one too, but hers is purple.
My parents gave those diaries to us as a Christmas gift on December 21, 2007.

I laughed when I read the beginning of it. I remember how innocent and happy I was.
The first page is filled with smileys and some lines that makes completely no sense (which makes it so funny to read), and so does the second page, the third page, and the next pages.
Most of the pages are about my exciting experiences. Only few pages that talk about me getting annoyed by someone or some group of people, and it's not even a big deal if I really think about it now.

But in 2009, or more exact on Wednesday, May 6, 2009, I wrote it with frustration and sadness, proven by my terrible handwriting until I can barely read it now!
Starting from that day, my diary's starting to look more like a burn book than my life-documentary. I can barely find any good moment, all I can read is about me hating someone so bad, or about me laughing at someone else's failure, or about me getting so angry toward someone until I ripped off that page apart, or me crying over something so badly until the paper was wet, or me saying sorry so many times to someone, or me feeling worthless and always wrong.

I read the last page of the book.
Thursday, November 11, 2010.
I was so mad at everyone, I was devastated over something, and I underlined the word "die" from
'I wanted to die' line,
And then I wrote this,
"This diary is filled with sadness, disappointment, frustration, and anger instead of happiness."

I can't tell you how sad I am at this moment. How things can change 180 degree in such a short period of time. I'm so sad to tell you that the happy girl that I used to be is long gone. I had a beautiful childhood. I once was an innocent, happy, compassionate and full-of-life child, but now I've grown up and realise that my childhood is over and it's time to face the reality. I am the only person who's responsible for my own happiness. This diary taught me that you'll never know what the future brings. The closest person to you now, can probably mean nothing to you one day. The biggest problem you're facing now, maybe in the future it's not a big deal at all. The happiest moment in your life, one day it will be replaced by other moments that are so much happier than that. The saddest moment in your life, can finally be forgotten at some point of your life. It's time for you to move on from your problems and worries in the past. Focus more on things ahead and your future. Dare to make good changes in your life. Those things are far more important than sitting down and regretting things that have already happened in the past. You had a horrible past life? Then make sure that you don't have a terrible future. You have a problem? Then solve it before it gets bigger in the future.
You are the only person that can fix yourself. I suggest you do it now, before it's too late.
Do not disappoint your future-self!