Ella Matthews - A RDR2 Fanfiction

Chapter Twelve: Comfort

I hear hooves and I tell myself I'm being dramatic. It's a stranger, a passer-by. Or a wild horse. You get plenty of them around here.

Deer and pronghorns, too. It's a good hunting spot.

But I know it's not just a random passer-by. I'm not sure how. I just know.

Someone dismounts and walks up the steps to my door, then raps on it three times. I open it, slowly, already knowing who it is.

Javier.

He stands on the doorstep in silence for a minute, then speaks. "I can't believe it's you," he breathes.

He tucks a lock of hair behind my ears, looking down at me with his utterly gorgeous brown eyes.

"Mi amor," he murmurs.

I don't know what to say. I can't do this.

"Javier, I..." I start, but I'm cut off by him kissing me.

I melt.

I can't stop myself kissing him back for a moment. I re-realise how much I love him.

But I can't do this to myself.

I break away.

"I can't do this. You need to go," I say shakily.

"Why?" he seems genuinely hurt. "She wasn't anything, if that's what you mean, we were just talking-"

I cut him off by steering him out of the house.

"No. You have to go," I say, willing myself to stay strong but my resolve is weakening by the second.

"Why?" he asks again. He's shorter than me now, at the bottom of the stairs. He looks up at me.

"Because I don't want to get hurt again," I whisper.

"I won't hurt you. I'll never leave you," he says.

How do I know he's not lying?

Where did that come from?

"I swear. I'll never leave you. I love you too much to hurt you, Ella," he walks up the steps and takes my hands.

He kisses me gently. I don't stop myself from returning the kiss. I silence the voice in the back of my mind. It slowly grows more heated and before I know it, I'm pressed against a wall. We're hungry for each other and with each kiss that hunger grows yet is satiated at the same time.

"I love you, Ella," he whispers into my ear.

His words bring me back to reality.

"Javier... I love you. I really do. But I can't..." I murmur, pushing him away.

He looks at me, eyebrows furrowed in concern. "You can't spend the rest of your life with me," he whispers.

When he finishes the sentence, I know that that's true. I can't spend the rest of my life with him, for some abstract reason. I can't do it.

He reminds me too much of the broken parts of me. He reminds me of why I broke.

"That's it, isn't it," he says quietly.

I hurt him. It hurts me to hurt him, but I know that this is for the best.

"I guess," I say, equally quietly.

I take his hand and lead him outside to Boaz. "I'm not right for you," I whisper. It hurts to say. But I know it's true.

"Then why does it feel right?" he asks as he mounts up.