Broken Chains

Part 12

Chapter 12

The Car revved up as Carl sat in the driver's seat gesturing for me to come and join him as I dawdled at the hotels entrance. Carl frowned over at me as I showed no inclination to move. I sighed and hefted our bag up onto my shoulder and scampered across the Pavement towards our newly acquired car (we actually acquired this semi-legally buying it off gum tree). I pulled the door open and slid into the passenger seat next to him.

"What's wrong?" he asked,

"nothing." I lied and leaned back in the chair closing my eyes I ran my hand gently across my forehead.

"Now your lying to me?" he asked looking at me with an expression that was a little sad maybe nothing else just a little sad.

"Can we just go?" I snapped Carl frowned at me. I narrowed my eyes, " what do you think is wrong huh? Take a wild guess Carl." He sighed heavily as he deliberately kept his eyes averted looking everywhere but at me.

"Fuck Jess." He sighed,

"What you want me to say it okay what's wrong is that we are going to kill your brother my mate."

"Were going to help him, not fucking kill him."

"That is if one of us gets to him can you honestly think that Bryce or one of his enforcers will care enough to do the same that they want to help him they don't know who the fuck he is. He's rogue to them this is how he should be. They don't care what he was or what he is deep down they don't care. All they want to do is take him out. So what's wrong? That's what's wrong that this is all going to be over soon and I know by the end of today best case scenario is that we can save him and I will never see him again and worse case is that today I will have to watch a bunch of wolves rip him to death." My voice had risen to a shout, "so what's wrong that is what's fucking wrong, and how can saying this out loud be helping."

"Your right." Carl said in a voice so soft that I had to turn and finally lock my eyes on him he was now the one avoiding looking at me intently his eyes locked on the flow of traffic before him, his hands were locked on the steering wheel clenching it so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. The tension of this realisation was painted all through his features and in his entire posture it all radiated a siren of pure tension pure horror. "What do you want to do?" I snorted with a smile,

"What can we do?"

"We could go home." He said softly "we could let him go, do as he will leave him to the fate he's chosen."

"He didn't choose this fate." I said softly "I chose it for him."

"He ran."

"No I pushed him." I said biting my lip as I felt my grief for Jamie well up inside me that dark deep loss inside me that I constantly pushed away telling myself I would deal with it later, because I couldn't do that now I couldn't deal with a grief that deep when I was dealing with loosing Derek too. "He didn't stop loving me I was bitch and he still loved me. I pushed him away and he didn't care. I ran away and he was pissed but he still loved me, and I just kept on I kept on pushing him. I pushed and I pushed until I finally did it I pushed him until he broke. And what did I think would fucking happen? Did I just think that he'd be happy to be my brother again that I could just destroy that love and we'd all move on la la la and he'd be happy to just be my brother, see me go out now get laid, maybe even fuck one or two of you guys. I don't even think that was what I was trying to do. I don't know what I was trying to do." I felt tears roll down my cheeks hot burning tears.

"Shhh shhh shhhh." Carl said as he reached over wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to him into his hand smoothing down my hair. I leaned over and cuddling into him revelling in the scent that lingered in there so much like Derek, so much like him but still so wrong. But I allowed just a second where I didn't analyse his scent I just let my mind switch off or I tried anyway so for that second it felt that I was back in Derek's arms again just being held pressed into Derek's chest as he brushed my hair and made soothing noises as he held me making everything alright. But that warm illusion couldn't last for long I opened my eyes and there was Carl. I clung harder into him as the memories of loosing Derek and Jamie's death hit me hard all over again. I had to keep doing this I had to keep blocking this out so I could move on so that I could function but when I remembered again when they slipped back in that realisation letting my heart remember it hit me as fresh and as raw as the moment it had happened. Carl eased himself back from my arms and kissed me on the forehead, "so honey what you want to do?" he asked running his fingers down my cheek.