Three is a Crowd [Completed]

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

There is little to no formal goodbye with my family before I left, which is fine by me. Flynn take longer saying goodbye to his mother, but I wait in the car. I am not doubting this trip, I swear I'm not, but something just doesn't feel right. Like, naturally, this shouldn't be happening. Deep down, I know why, but those issues are best left unexplored.

"You look better" Colin finally comments, from the front seat. Colin – Flynn and my mutual friend – is driving us to the airport. I've not seen him since Flynn let me watch his cage fighting a few months back, that night had not ended well so Colin is no doubt feeling awkward.

"Yeah I guess I feel a bit better" I remark. I am sat directly behind him, so he can't see my face, but he must hear something in my tone.

"Flynn was right...you're doubting this trip".

"I wish he would stop telling people that, dammit!" I growl angrily. "I never fucking said that!"

"Don't need to, you can tell by your lack of enthusiasm" Colin shrugs. He pauses for a moment before turning around to look directly at me. "Look Athena, Flynn is my best friend but I care about you to. If you don't want to go to Thailand you need to tell him now before it's too late".

"It's not Thailand I'm confused about" I admit – the first real time I've said my doubts out loud.

"It's whether you want to go with Flynn" Colin realises, nodding slowly. I see withheld judgement in his eyes, but he is trying his hardest not to show it.

"It's not that I don't want to be with Flynn and it's not that I don't want to go to Thailand with him. It's just that this trip is like drawing a line in the sand".

"Leaving with Flynn solidifies that your other mates are truly gone".

I nod softly, "yeah...exactly...and I know that they are already gone but going to Thailand is just the nail in the coffin".

Colin's earlier judgement is gone and sympathy shines brightly in his eyes. He reaches back and takes my hand, squeezing it in reassurance. "It must be hard for you, I can't imagine what it has been like for you these past few months. But Flynn loves you, and I know you love him, so just try and focus on that. Look to the future not the past".

I squeeze his hand back, "thanks Colin".

A few minutes later, Flynn emerges from his house. He throws his rucksack into the boot, alongside mine, before climbing into the passengers seat. We both wave goodbye to his mum – who stands on the doorstep watching us off – as the car pulls away.

Flynn turns to me, his smile boyish and easy. "Ready Violet?"

I lean forward and kiss his lips briefly, before sitting back into my seat. "Yeah, I'm ready" I smiled, meaning it but still having to silence the little devil doubter on my shoulder. "Thailand here we come".

***

After a long overnight flight, we arrive in Bangkok just before lunchtime. We take a taxi to our hotel; the car weaving and waving in between lots of bikes and tuk-tuks. Nervousness, for sharing my first night with Flynn, was all I could really focus on – despite the fact I am in Thailand, one of the things on my bucket list, all I can think about is mating with Flynn. Nervousness more than excitement...which is worrying.

We check into our hotel and I can see that Flynn is thinking about mating too. I stand at the window, looking out to the bustling city, as Flynn wraps his arms around my waist from behind. I jump slightly, making him chuckle, as he presses his lips against the back of my neck.

"You're like a skittish horse" he teases, as I lean back into him. He is warm and smells good, and I love him, so this should be easy. But, as always, I'm overthinking. "I love you" he whispers in my ear.

"I love you too" I reply honestly. Because I do and it is the truth – I am just struggling as I still love two other men as well. His lips continue to kiss their way over my neck as his hands begin to run over my body. Yet I stand there like a statue.

"Fuck" Flynn groans, moving away from me and walking away. I hear him sit down on the bed with a heavy sigh, as I continue to stare forward – looking at the busy street down below. "Fuck, Athena, you have got to clue me in right now. What the fuck is going on?"

I don't reply. I'm not sure I know how to.

"I have given you ever opportunity to say no if you didn't want to come to Thailand with me. You could have easily just followed Arturo back to Italy if you didn't want me--"

"I want you dammit!" I snap, spinning on my heels and shouting at him. "I love you and I want you. But this is hard for me! I've lost two of my mates, it feels like something is missing from my soul. So, I'm sorry I'm not laying naked on the bed waiting for you, your highness, because shit hasn't been fucking easy for me. So sorry if I'm not the fucking blow-up doll you were hoping for".

Instead of getting angry at my screaming, Flynn looks up at me and grin. He laughs warmly before bounding to his feet and pulling me into a long passionate kiss. "There's my feisty purple haired girl" he grins, kissing me quickly again. "I've missed that edge to you". He cups my cheek and runs his thumb over his cheekbone. "I don't expect you to just be better straightaway, Violet. But if you don't want something, tell me. It's me – the asshole who stole your camera and took you on a first date to a cage match – I can take it if you tell me to get fucked".

I nod softly, eyes filling with tears but I don't let them spill out. "I want to" I admit, "I want to mate with you. I just...I just need some time still".

He kisses me softly, "we have all the time in the world beautiful".

***

Three months into our Thailand trip and things are finally looking up for Flynn and I. We were living with his friend Beast, while spending our days doing odd jobs for money while seeing the sights, partying most nights and generally living our best lives.

The months without Nick and Arturo had been hard, but I am slowly learning to let them go. I still wake most morning with a soft heartache, but by lunchtime I have forgotten and am focused on Flynn and our relationship.

It took a while for me to finally mate with Flynn, but we did after almost a month of being in Thailand. We'd done to a Full Moon party on the beach, had a bit too much to drink, before going for a midnight skinny dip. The cold water had sobered us up quickly, so we'd gotten dressed – almost giddy with lust still.

We'd brought a bottle of cheap wine, drank from the bottle sat on a quiet corner of the beach and watched the sunrise. And, when then we made love there – for the first time – on the sand. And when it was over, I cried a little out of happiness and sadness. And Flynn did nothing but hold me tightly and whisper words of love to me. Since then we've been inseparable and we enjoy each other's company regularly.

I have everything I had every wanted. I was travelling. I was with my soulmate. My soulmate loved me back. I was taking amazing photographs of amazing scenery daily.

I should have been happier than I ever was.

So why wasn't I?