Dazai's List of Don'ts

Yokohama Gangster Paradise

Season 1: Episode 3 (SUBBED & DUBBED)

To: Osamu Dazai

From: Fynn Lind

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The group of us involved in Atsushi's test had moved our conversation to the cafe below the Armed Detective Agency. Junichiro and Naomi sat across from Atsushi in a booth while Kunikida, Dazai, and I sat in the chairs at the countertop. Dazai was sitting in the middle of Kunikida and me, swaying back in forth in his chair. The act of Dazai swaying around was annoying Kunikida so I wrote it in my notebook.

I wasn't paying much attention to the teenager's conversation with each other. My focus was on writing down Dazai's stupid acts that had piled up over the morning. There were a lot of them and I'm sure there'd be a ton more. 

"Don't pursue this line of inquiry with them too far." Kunikida says out of the blue, moving his attention from Dazai to Atsushi. The blonde man had gotten off his chair and was standing over the booth table, peering down at Atsushi. The action caught my attention so I was watching the scene unfold now.

"Er, okay..." Atsushi mumbles, catching the drift. 

"In any event, brat, today you have joined the ranks of our Armed Detective Agency." Kunikida replies after standing up straight. "Do not be a burden to anyone, nor shame the Agency's good name." He shouts at the Tanizaki siblings who were doing who knows what in their booth seat. "The rest of us are committed to that, at least. Right, Dazai?" 

Looking over his shoulder Kunikida spots Dazai being, well, Dazai. Dazai's hand was holding the waitresses in his, feeling the palm of her hand. He was also going off talking about his suicidal tendencies.

"Would you strangle me with these fragile, delicate fingers?" Dazai coos. The waitress had a surprised look on her face as his fingers danced on her palm. It was a weird situation altogether.

"You're making me uncomfortable!" I screech as I punch Dazai in the shoulder, dislodging him from the waitress. Kunikida then stomps over and pounds Dazai on the head.

"Are you going to smear mud on the Agency's name right as I'm saying we never would?!" Kunikida exclaims. "You bass-turd! Don't bother asking for her help all the time! I'll crush your neck with my own bony fingers!" Kunikida grabs Dazai out of his chair and begins to choke him.

"I'll help you, Kunikida." Cracking my knuckles I begin to choke Dazai from behind.

"By the way, what were you guys doing before you joined the agency?" Atsushi wonders as we're shaking Dazai. The question made us halt our attack on the bandage wasting device. "Uh, no real meaning behind that question, by the way." Atsushi panics with a wavering smile.

"Take a guess." Dazai states after the three of us sat back in our seats again. Kunikida sits with his chair turned out, arms tucked over his chest, with his legs crossed. Dazai sits with the back of the chair between his legs leaning on the back of it. And I sat with my legs over the left side of the chair, my left arm leaning on top of the back.

"Huh?"

"Oh, it's a game we play often. The rookie tries to guess his senior colleagues' former occupations." Dazai explains. "Well, it's part of their training as private investigators."

"Junichiro and Naomi... were students?" Atsushi guesses.

"Oh, bingo. I'm impressed." Junichiro expresses.

"How did you know?" Naomi wonders.

"I heard you are a part-time worker, and I thought you might still be a student given your uniform." Atsushi explained. "Junichiro seems close to me in age, so... just a hunch."