Falling to Pieces(Kit and Ty)

Chapter 24

    "Where have you been?"
    Ash sighed. He had known that Jace would notice his absence, but he hadn't been looking forward to his interrogation. Jace didn't want anyone to know that they escaped Thule, that they were hiding in a house in neither Seelie or Unseelie lands. Jace became more and more obsessed with getting Clary to be his, and payed less attention to Ash—that's the only reason Ash had been able to sneak out in the first place. "It doesn't matter," Ash said.
    "I think it does," Jace said. "Did anyone see you?"
    Ash remained silent, not wanting to answer Jace's question. He could only answer with the truth, and he knew that Jace wouldn't like what he heard. He didn't want to disappoint Jace; he wanted his approval, and Jace definitely wouldn't approve of this. He had spent time with Nephilim, specifically Drusilla Blackthorn. Her name was beautiful—everything about her was beautiful, but more importantly, he loved who she was: she was stubborn, kind, smart, witty...everything about her was perfect.
Ash had never felt this way about anyone before, and it was amazing, but terrifying at the same time. All he wanted was to spend more time with Drusilla, and get to know her more. He wanted her to like him for who he was; he wanted her approval.
He would see her again. He had to, and Jace wouldn't stop him.
"Answer my question, Ash," Jace said.
"Yes," Ash replied. "Someone saw me."
"Who?"
Ash shrugged. "I do not see why any of this matters. They won't tell anyone that I am here. They do not know about you."
Jace smiled. It was one of those smiles that showed he was up to no good. "Good," he said. "No one can know that we're here, Ash. I'll let this one time slide, but don't leave without my permission again."
Ash felt a sudden flood of anger, and was startled by the what he was feeling. He never got this angry with Jace. Jace saved him from Sebastian, and he had always been grateful. But now, Jace was taking away his freedom, keeping him from Drusilla.
"You will never let me go if I ask for your permission!" Ash shouted. "That is why I snuck out! You would never let me go if I asked you first."
Jace frowned, seemingly hurt by Ash's words. "I'm just trying to protect you—"
"No."
"No?" Jace gave Ash a questioning look, as if he didn't know what Ash was getting at. Did Jace really think that all of this was to protect Ash? He couldn't possibly think that. All Jace cared about was getting to Clary, who seemed perfectly happy with her own Jace. Ash didn't think Jace should interfere. He had his chance with Clary, and she died. He shouldn't go ruining someone else's life so he could be happy.
"You are only protecting yourself."
Jace shook his head. "You can't possibly think that—"
"I cannot lie," Ash said, finding pleasure in finally being able to say what he was thinking. He hated hurting Jace, but he also hated that he was stuck in this house with no freedom. "All you have been thinking about since we came here is Clary," Ash continued. "Did you ever think that Clary is happy with the Jace of this world? They are happy, Jace. You had your chance."
"I never had a chance!" Jace yelled. "She died before we had our happily-ever-after. I would do anything to have even a few moments with her, and I found a way. I found her here, and she's living, breathing. You couldn't possibly understand—"
"I do," Ash said. "I understand how much it must hurt to lose someone you love, but it is best not to tamper with other peoples' lives so that you can be happy. It is selfish to take her from this world's Jace. Do you realize that?"
"It's not fair," Jace said, his voice cracking. "She shouldn't have died. I lost everything when I lost Clary. Now I have a chance at a better life, and you want me to let it pass me by?"
Ash sighed. Seeing Jace broken like this hurt, but he knew that Jace was going too far to get what he wanted. He was willing to do anything to get Clary back, and that was dangerous. It could lead to Jace himself getting hurt, and Ash didn't want to lose him.
    "I do not wish for you to be unhappy," Ash started, "but I believe that you can find a different way to be happy than ruining this world's Jace's life."
    "He doesn't deserve her," Jace said.
    "Who are you to decide that?"
    Jace sighed, a great sadness filling his eyes. "I can't give up on this. She means too much to me."
    "If she means so much to you, let her live. Let her live out her life with this world's Jace. That is the Jace she chose, not you."
    "I can't."
    "Why not? You can leave her alone, and we can find a better way to live. We can find a house outside of Faerie, and I can have my freedom."
    "You have freedom," Jace said, sounding hurt.
    Ash felt another swell of anger. Why couldn't Jace just listen to him? Why couldn't he just leave this Clary behind and live the life that he was given. People deal with loss constantly, and they certainly don't do this. "If this is what you call freedom, you are wrong." Ash paused. "Please listen to me." He didn't want to sound weak, but that was how he felt at the moment. He needed Jace to just listen.
    "I'm listening," he said. "But I can't do what you ask of me. I need Clary."
    "What do you plan to do to get her back?" Ash asked, scared to ask the question. He knew that Jace would do anything to get Clary back, and that included killing. Jace was frightening when he was desperate to get what he wanted; Ash knew that it was best not to stand in his way.
    "There's only one thing I can do," Jace said. "To replace this world's Jace, I have to kill him. Then, I can take his place and see Clary again."
    A pit formed in Ash's stomach, making him feel sick. He knew that Jace would do this, but it was still unsettling to hear. The person that saved Ash from his father was willing to kill someone just so that he could be happy. Jace's time with Clary was over, and he needed to accept that. Ash knew that he wouldn't. It was impossible for Jace to give up on Clary, and it was frightening to realize how desperate he was to get her back.
Ash remained silent, willing this conversation to be over. He had spoken up to Jace. He had tried to end his dream of seeing Clary again, and this is what happened. All he got out of it was an argument with the one person who cared about him when Sebastian refused to.
"Enough talk of this," Jace said. "Just promise me that you won't leave without my permission."
Ash shook his head, fighting back another wave of anger. "I will not."
Jace glared at him. "I'm only trying to protect you," he snarled.
"We have already been over this," Ash said. "You are only defending your plan to see Clary." Jace opened his mouth to speak, but Ash stopped him, putting up a hand to silence him. "I do not want to argue anymore. Please, let us end this conversation and move on."
Jace nodded. "Alright. I'm going to go for a walk," he said. "Please don't leave while I'm gone."
Ash sighed, and hesitantly nodded. Why did Jace get to leave, but Ash did not? It didn't seem fair.
Jace smiled, and Ash found himself smiling a little as well. He hated that he wanted Jace's approval, that other people's approval made him happy. Ash knew that his own opinion of himself should be the only one that matters, but that was not how he felt. He needed someone to be proud of him, and he hated it.
Jace left, and Ash found himself walking to his room. He locked the door behind him, and slid to the ground, burying his face in his hands. He used to be okay living like this, just him and Jace, preparing for Jace to find Clary again. He used to be happy with that life, but now he wasn't. Every day, he hated it more and more. All he wanted was to escape and see Drusilla again. He wouldn't leave Jace, like Jace would once he carried out his plan, but he wanted freedom. With Dru, he felt free.
Ash didn't know when he would have the chance to see Dru again, but he would make sure that it happened. He wanted to see her smile, and hear her laugh. Ash had a feeling that her brother, Julian, did not like him, but he hoped that Julian would grow to like him over time. Until Ash saw Dru again, he would wait. He would live his normal life. He would count the hours, count the minutes, count the days, until he got to see Drusilla again.