Falling to Pieces(Kit and Ty)

Chapter 10

     "I have some important news," Julian announced to everyone in the library. He had called everyone to the library a few minutes ago for a meeting. "I called a few people I know for backup. The New York Institute is going to help us, along with the New York vampire clan, the New York werewolf pack, and Magnus Lightwood-Bane. They'll be portalling here when it is dark for the convenience of the vampires. Please be kind to our guests. If anyone wants to help me set up beds for the vampires in the sanctuary, that would be greatly appreciated."
Emma immediately stood and offered her help to Julian. Soon enough, everyone had offered their help. Julian led everyone to the sanctuary where the Downworlders would stay. They couldn't stay inside the Institute, because of their demonic blood.
Julian instructed everyone to roll all of the cots into the sanctuary. Kit rolled his cot into the sanctuary and Julian pointed to where he wanted it. He rolled it to the other end of the sanctuary and began setting it up. He unfolded the cot and set off to find another. The room was filled with voices. The Blackthorns were talking amongst themselves and seemed to be happy. Mina was playing outside with Tavvy. Kit set up his second cot and rolled a third one into the sanctuary.
     Once all of the cots were rolled in and set up, Julian thanked everyone for their help and left to buy groceries with Emma. Kit left with everyone else and climbed up to the roof. Raindrops fell onto Kit's face. It wasn't pouring yet, but Kit predicted—from the dark clouds in the sky—that the rain would get heavier later on in the day.
     Kit could only see parts of Los Angeles, for it was hidden in layers of fog. It was like Kit was in a cloud. Fog was everywhere on the roof, obscuring his view of the world around him. Kit was reminded of the way his mind was clouded and he couldn't reach his emotions. He recalled the night when he had danced with Ty. They had danced to Mozart. It had been pouring, but neither of them had cared. Kit remembered how much he'd loved Ty. Only a few days ago, he'd still loved Ty, but it felt like ancient history.

    Clary, Jace, Simon, and Isabelle were the first to arrive. Then, Magnus and Alec. The New York vampire clan was next. Then, the werewolves. Everyone met in the sanctuary for the safety of the vampires. Jace immediately walked over to Kit with a big smile on his face.
     "Kit!" he said excitedly. "How's everything going?"
     "Alright. How are you doing?"
     "Alright," he shrugged, then burst into laughter. "Everything's amazing! Clary and I are married! I still can't believe it! Also, Izzy and Simon are still planning their wedding. I have a feeling it's going to be awesome. I mean, I'll be there, so how could it not be awesome? Are you dating anyone?"
     "No. I dated a few people, but currently, I am not in a relationship."
     "Taking a break?" Jace asked.
     "Yeah."
     Jace smiled. "I'm gonna go find Clary. I'll see you later!" At that, he joined Clary who was chatting excitedly with Simon and Isabelle.
Kit greeted the guests, not bothering to fake a smile. He barely spoke to most of the guests, but had long conversations with others. Some of them asked what happened during the battle. After telling them a simplified version of the battle, he got a sympathetic look or a pat on the back.
     The vampires had already put their belongings on their cots and Julian was talking to Lily Chen, leader of the New York vampire clan. Maia Roberts and her werewolf pack were talking amongst themselves, often bursting into laughter. She would try to quiet the pack down, saying this was serious business, but eventually gave in. Lily left Julian and walked over to Magnus, a big smile on her face.
Kit stood apart from everyone else. He stood in a corner of the sanctuary. Ty was reading next to him, Livvy watching over his shoulder. His headphones were pulled over his ears, playing music while he read. Kit stared at the wall across from him until a hand clamped onto his shoulder.

Magnus smiled as Lily Chen walked over to him. Her hair was in a high ponytail and had pink streaks in it. He loved the new hairstyle. The only thing missing was some glitter. Just a small amount of glitter on the pink streaks and they'd stand out even more. She was wearing bright red lipstick and black eyeliner. Her fingernails were painted red. She wore a black tank top with a leather jacket over it and a pair of black leggings. She wore a pair of leather boots with a five inch heel. Magnus guessed she really liked the color black.
     Lily barked something over her shoulder at one of the vampires in her clan. She seemed to be irritated, but smiled back at Magnus. Magnus knew it wasn't easy to run a clan of vampires. He found it difficult to control his two children, even with Alexander's help. He smiled at the thought of trying to calm down the children with Alec. They kept getting into trouble, their little Max and Rafael.
     "How are the children doing?" Lily asked.
     "They're little troublemakers."
     She laughed. "That's how children learn, Magnus. They get into trouble and learn not to make that mistake again!"
"I suppose you're right." But, some people never learn from their mistakes. Magnus believed that mistakes were important in life, but he wished he could protect his children from them. He knew that it was hard to admit being wrong, but it was necessary. He had made many mistakes in his lifetime, and knew that he would make many more.
The young Herondale, Kit, had also made a mistake. He'd made a big mistake. Magnus hoped he could learn from it, but that would be difficult. Poor kid. He couldn't feel any emotions at all. How would he be able to learn from his mistake if he didn't even know he had messed up? Magnus couldn't help but think all of this was his fault. He hadn't been able to convince Kit not to go through with the spell. He hadn't tried hard enough. He hadn't given Kit enough reasons to rethink his decision.
     "But, what if the child doesn't know that they made a mistake?" Magnus asked.
     Lily thought for a moment, tapping a finger on her chin. "Well, I guess you tell the child."
     "What if this child is really stubborn and probably won't listen?"
     Lily smirked. "Are your children really that bad? They seem like angels to me!"
     "This isn't about my children," Magnus said. "Just answer the question, Lily."
     She put her hands up in surrender, smile growing wider. "You need to tell them in a way they would understand. Tell them how the mistake affects them and other people. Don't yell at them. They're less likely to listen if you're yelling. Be patient." Lily really knew how to deal with kids.
     "Since when did you become the wise one?" Magnus teased.
     "That's not wisdom," she said. "That's common knowledge."
     "Thank you, Lily," he said sincerely. "Now, I believe I have some business to attend to." He left Lily and walked over to the youngest Herondale in the room. Magnus put a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. Kit quickly turned around, reaching for a weapon, but then realized it was just him. Magnus raised his eyebrows.
"What do you want, Magnus?" Kit asked. His voice was flat and held none of the usual character it normally did. Magnus had known what would happen after the spell, but he hadn't been ready for this. Seeing the boy's dull expressions and lifeless eyes made him feel sick.
Magnus thought of how furious his friend from long ago would be. Of course, he wasn't living anymore. Magnus still remembered his stunning, blue eyes and black hair. He was Will Herondale. He silently apologized to Will for doing this to Kit. He silently begged for forgiveness.
     "May I speak with you for a moment?" Magnus asked and nodded towards the exit.
     "Sure." Kit stood and began to follow Magnus out of the sanctuary.
     "Kit?" Ty called, having put down his book for the moment. His voice was tinged with worry.
     "We'll be back in a few moments," Magnus told him, and gave him a sympathetic look. Magnus hated seeing his spell affect the people Kit loved. Kit and the Blackthorns were very close, but he was distancing himself from them without knowing it.
     Ty nodded and returned to his book while Magnus led Kit to the training room. Magnus locked the doors with magic so no one could interrupt their conversation. He looked around the training room. There were targets all around the room. Wooden staffs were in a pile on the other side of the floor. There weren't any weapons in the training room other than the staffs. Magnus knew the real weapons were in the weapons room. A rope dangled from the ceiling. He assumed the Shadowhunters used that to practice climbing.
     Kit was waiting silently for Magnus to speak. Magnus couldn't find the words he wanted to say. Lily's advice kept echoing inside his head. He knew what to do, but he didn't know how to do it. How could he make an emotionless Kit Herondale understand what he was trying to say?
     "How's emotionlessness treating you?" Magnus asked. Something inside of him hoped Kit would react in some human way, but he didn't. His expression didn't change at all.
     "Alright."
     Magnus sighed. This wasn't going to be easy. "Christopher, please try to understand what I'm going to say." Kit waited for him to speak again. "That spell was a mistake. I should never have done that to you. Please let me return your emotions to you. You might not see it, but you're affecting people around you. You're distancing yourself from the people you love." Magnus avoided saying the word 'loved.' "Do you even want the spell anymore?"
     Kit nodded.
     "Why do you want it so badly? Do you even know?"
     "Because, I didn't want to hurt the people I loved," he answered.
     "That's why you came to me for the spell in the first place. I want to know why you want it now. Why does this Kit Herondale want the spell?"
     Kit stared at Magnus, blankly. The boy didn't know how to answer the question. He didn't even know what he wanted.
     "I want it so I don't hurt the people I love."
     Magnus felt bad for Kit. The only reason he was keeping the spell was because of memories of what he used to feel. He didn't know what he wanted, only what the other version of himself wanted. "You can't feel love, Christopher. You just remember what your old self wanted, what your old self was so desperate to have. You didn't want to hurt the people you love, right? Well, you're hurting the people you love more than you were originally. This didn't fix your problem. It only made it worse. Please try to understand me."
Kit didn't respond. He stared at Magnus with blank eyes and no change in expression. How could Magnus have expected Kit to understand what he was saying? He couldn't. He didn't understand that the people he loved were hurt by his actions. How could Magnus show him that?
     "Let me show you what you're missing," Magnus said.
     "What do you mean by that?" Kit asked.
     "Let me take the spell off for a few days." Kit immediately shook his head. Magnus put up a hand to silence him. "I'm not finished. What I'm trying to say is, allow me to take the spell off for just a few days. If you still want the spell after that, then I'll put it back on you."
     "I can't," Kit said firmly.
     Magnus sighed. "It's just a few days. I'm sure you can control your abilities for that long."
     Kit shook his head. "I can't do it."
     The way Kit shook his head was almost hesitant, unsure. Kit didn't know what he wanted and this proved Magnus's point. Kit was doing what his old self would've done, clinging to it like it was a lifeline. Maybe it was his lifeline. Maybe, that saved him from thinking of what he really wanted and who he really was.
     "Can't, or won't?" Magnus asked.
     "I—"
     "Stop thinking about who you used to be. That Kit is gone for the moment. You're a different person and have the right to choose what you want, not what that other Kit wanted. Christopher, please let me do this. If you still want the spell after a few days, I'll put the spell on you again and leave you alone."
     "No. This isn't just what I used to want. I still want the spell, not just the other Kit. Now, I'm going to go back to the sanctuary." Kit walked out of the room without another word, leaving Magnus in the training room.
     Magnus had failed again. He had thought that he could fix his mistake, but he couldn't. He had failed Will and everyone Kit loved. Most importantly, he had failed Kit. An image of Kit's blank eyes and dull expressions flashed before Magnus's eyes. He had taken away what made Kit human and he couldn't fix it. He knew Kit would be horrified if he could understand what he was doing to the Blackthorns. The only thing Magnus could do was hope. He hoped Kit would come to understand what Magnus had said. He hoped Kit would have the spell removed. Magnus hoped for forgiveness.