rachel

part 1

13 years old

"Why did you break up with Mary Kate?" 

That's me. Storming into my best friend Matt's room, mad beyond mad. Looking for answers. 

"What the hell Rach?" That's Matt. In his boxers. Crap.

My hand slaps over my eyes. I swivel a 180, and slam the door shut. I can feel the pink color creeping up my neck and onto my face. 

That's my anxiety. Hello anxiety. 

His angry voice carries through the door. 

"What are you doing here? You can't just barge in. Jeez."

My back is against the door and I slide down until my butt reaches the floor. 

"Your Mom said you were up here and to just go on up." This is yelled through the door back at Matt. "Ugh! Matty, that's not even the point. Why did you break up with Mary Kate?" Mary Kate is the other girl in our small class. She's the complete opposite of me. Completely wrapped up with boys and boyfriends and that kind of nonsense. Matt and Mary Kate have been 'dating', middle school style, for less than a month.

The door opens and I fall backwards a bit. Looking down at me, fully clothed, Matt gives me his answer of "Because ok?"

I'm back on my feet, arms crossed over my chest, with the meanest mug I can muster. My mean mug is pathetic, it's awful. I already know this fact, but at least the pink that was creeping up my neck has gone away. I walk into his room and sit myself down on his bed. 

His room is a typical boys room. Filled with posters of music artists, legos, video games, and smelly clothes. Because Matt and I hang out all the time I feel right at home. 

"That's a terrible reason you know. She called me, bawling her eyes out. I had to listen to her sob and blow her nose for a solid 25 minutes. She told me to talk you into getting back together."

"I'm not getting back together with her. So save your breath. Wanna go for a walk into town?" He fidgets with junk on top of his dresser. I can sense that he's distracted and wants to move on from this conversation.

"Matty, honestly, you know you can tell me anything." We've been close friends for what seems like forever. We usually don't shy away from telling each other the truth. 

"I don't know, ok? Just wasn't feeling it. She was boring. Never wanted to do anything but talk." He puts his hand through his hair. It sticks up in different directions. 

"Alright I guess. I just hate being in the middle all the time. Ugh. I knew this would happen, I just knew it." I let him change the subject. Mary Kate's dating issues and her broken heart is not my problem anymore, I did the best that I could. "What's in town?"

"Spicy Cheetos?"

"Alright, let's go." I give him an onward motion with my hand and follow him out of his room. He closes the door behind us and tests it to make sure that it's locked. He locks his door to keep his brother Jace out. Jace will steal stuff out of his room and sell it to buy drugs or alcohol. World's biggest jerk that one.

Matt takes the steps two at a time toward the front of his house. I follow him taking them one at a time. What? My legs are short.

Jace is in the living room, watching TV on the couch. He makes a kissy face to me as I walk by. I pretend that I don't see, he's so gross. Jace is two years older than us and is the complete opposite of Matty. He hates Matty and makes his life as miserable as possible. Matt and I are both convinced that he is pure evil. Jace makes me feel so uncomfortable. I fear the times that I'm ever alone with him.

Outside is nothing but fresh air and dirt road. My long brown locks fly behind me in the wind. We kick rocks down the road as we walk, looking at our feet. It's mostly silent but it's a comfortable silence when it comes to Matt. We both can get in our heads, worrying, figuring, and in general overthinking. 

We live just outside of town on a dirt road. There's never any traffic and only one house separating ours. It's quiet and gives us a great amount of freedom. Our friends will come over to explore the woods and go on adventures. It's a 10 minute walk to get into town. There is a small mini mart and gas station, a school, a post office, a recreation center, and that's pretty much it. Our town is the definition of "rural", "out there", and "the boonies".

"What difference does it make?" Matt breaks the silence. I guess we're back to the subject of Mary Kate. It's interesting that that is what he's been mulling over this whole time. "We're 13. It's not like I'm going to marry someone from school." I'm surprised he brings it back up.

"Well I'm going to marry Alex someday." A giant, goofy grin is plastered on my face. A girl can dream, am I right? Alex is my middle school boyfriend and we've been 'dating' for as long as Matt and Mary Kate.

"You are not. You haven't even kissed him yet." My grin is gone in a matter of seconds. It's like I just got hit in the face with a water balloon.

I stop dead in my tracks. Pink crawling up my neck to my face. Matt doesn't ever make me feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. But we also don't ever talk about our crushes or who we want to go out with or kiss or anything. Ever. Matt stops and looks back at me.  

"Alex told you that?" It comes out almost a whisper. My hand goes to my hair and brushes it out of my face. I tuck a strand behind my ear. 

He puts his hand back through his hair and drops it down by his side, and shrugs.

"Ya. We talk about stuff." He shoves his hands in his jean pockets. 

"So like what kind of stuff? Different stuff than what we talk about?" I can't decide if I'm embarrassed, mortified, sad, angry. Ugh boys. Boys are stupid. I should have known that Matt and Alex would talk. Maybe I'm the stupid one. 

"Ya. Just stuff. Oh, and well you." He says this with a giant smirk across his face. I take a few steps to catch up to him and I punch him in the arm.