rachel

part 14

21 years old

My roommate Natalie and I are at the club. We've got our girlie cocktails in hand and are wild and free on the dance floor. 

"Apple bottom jeans boots with the fur. The whole club lookin at her!"

We go low, low, low, low, low, low, low. We pop up and laugh. And keep shaking our asses. It's not lost on us that there is a long row of men just watching us and all of the other ladies dance on the floor. I'm about two drinks and a shot in so I'm feeling pretty good. A couple brave ones dance on over and invade our space. They always manage to sneak in behind you, place their hands on your waist and pull your ass into their crotches. Sometimes I'll play along but he has to be hot. The two we've wheeled in are not. 

"I have to pee!" I yell this in Natalie's ear. She nods. But keeps dancing. I was expecting her to bail on these guys and come with me. Alrighty then. 

I head to the cramped hallway and try to keep my heels in a straight line and not bounce off people who are standing there like a pinball machine. I make it to the bathroom and there are four women already in there. Two are peeing, one is having a wardrobe malfunction and the other is incredibly drunk and trying to help.

"Girl let me." I take the safety pin from drunkie and pin the woman's bra to her tank top. "There you go!" The woman gives me a hug, because when you are drunk that counts as automatic friendship, and the two stumble out of the bathroom. Soon a stall opens and I can do my thing. 

I'm back in the hallway and am trying to push past a couple guys to get back to Natalie on the dance floor. I make a half circle around the dance floor and I don't see her. Maybe she went to the bar to get another drink. I check the bar by the dance floor first. No Natalie. I walk over to the second bar near the pool tables. No Natalie. I walk out to the smoking section. It's cold tonight. No Natalie. I can feel the heavy weight on my chest and I can feel the tightness in my neck and throat. Don't panic Rachel. Don't panic Rachel. 

I accidentally run into some guy and I apologize. He must see the panic written across my face. 

"You lost beautiful?"

"I'm just trying to find my friend. Thanks."

I don't give him a second glance and walk back to the dance floor. I'm officially sober and I'm sure white as a ghost too. 

She's gone.

I head outside to see if her car is still here. It is. I try her phone. It rings and rings. What the fuck Natalie? 

I try it again as I'm walking back into the club and that's when I hear it. Her ringtone. Just off the path to the bar entrance. I grab her phone and see my face on it. The blood drains from my face and my hands are shaking so bad I fumble her phone and it drops to the ground. I hear car tires screeching and see a speeding SUV coming my way. My instinct says to run into the club but I don't get there in time. A huge guy jumps out and grabs me around my chest locking my arms by my side. I kick and scream and try to bite and I fight tooth and nail. He easily picks me up and carries me to the SUV and throws me in. 

I see Natalie in the back seat with a confused look on her face. I keep fighting. I will not stop fighting. Then everything goes black.

~Hours later~

I open my eyes. The light is really bright. I'm laying on a floor. I have a pillow and a small blanket. I shoot upright. Awake and alert. Where am I and where is Natalie?

Memories flood back. The club. The bathroom. Looking for Natalie. The SUV. The guy. The tape. The black. 

My chest is tight and I know a panic attack is inevitable. I can't take a deep enough breath. I can't get enough air into my lungs. I remember what my therapist taught me. I start tapping my knees with my hands and list everything that I see. 

"Shoes, feet, jeans, shirt, hands, knees, pillow, blanket, window.."

My breathing starts to slow and deepen. You've got this Rachel. 

I stand up and check the window. It's locked and has a tinted pane so I can't see out. And no one can see in. 

I walk to the door and wiggle the knob. It's locked. I tell my brain to breathe. Over and over and over. I have to remind myself to breathe. Most people can just breath. I can't.

I hear someone unlocking the door and it swings open. Jace walks in. 

"Well fuck me. Rachel you are just as fucking beautiful as the last time I saw you. And you still make my dick hard." He grabs his dick with one hand and has the slimiest smile plastered to his face.

Shock takes over. I can't move. I can't speak. Jace was the last person on this planet that I was expecting to see. How is he not locked up for life? He's put on weight and carries it in his gut. His face looks terrible. He has scabs on his face and arms. 

He pulls out his phone and dials a number. It's on speakerphone, I can hear it go straight to voicemail. 

"Hey it's Matt. You know what to do."

The tears start. I know what this is, I know what game he's playing. My hands are shaking. I hold them at my side in hopes that Jace can't see it. I look everywhere in the room except for at Jace.

He dials again. Straight to voicemail. 

He starts typing and I can only assume it's a text. 

His phone starts ringing almost immediately. 

"Hey baby brother. How are you? ..... Jesus calm the fuck down ..... yes you can talk to her ..... who the fuck do you think I am?" He puts it on speaker. 

"Rachel?" I haven't heard his voice in three years. Tears are pouring down my face and I wrap my arms around my stomach. I feel sick. 

"Rachel are you there? Jace, if you're fucking with me right now..."

"Matty I'm here. It's me, I'm here." My voice is weak and it sounds like it's a mile away. I bite my lip. I close my eyes and shake my head back and forth, I can't breath.

"Are you ok? Did he hurt you? Where are you? Jesus fuck Jace." I can picture him with his hands in his hair. 

"I'm.. I'm ok. I don't know where I am and I don't know what's going on." I'm fucking useless. I can barely get a sentence out. 

"Rach, I'm coming ok." Matt's going to fly here from Washington State? That's crazy. 

"No. Wire the fucking money and she's free. That's the deal. Don't come home." He hangs up the phone. 

There it is. The reason I'm here. The reason Matty was just on the phone. I'm a number, I'm an amount of money that Jace is hoping to blackmail Matty for. I'm a burden, again. Matty is on the other side of the states and yet is still being weighed down by me. 

"Where's Natalie?" My voice is small. Right in this moment in time it's all that I can think about. I've been here before. A pawn in Jace's game, but Natalie doesn't deserve this though.

"That whore you were with? We dropped her back at the club."He's distracted by something on his phone. He doesn't even look at me.

"I don't believe you. Please, Jace. Just tell me the truth." My palms are sweaty even though I'm actually really cold. I wipe them on my jeans. 

"We dropped her back at the club and told her that you'd be home before she knows it. Which is the truth if your fucking lover boy pulls through." He turns and walks out of the room. I hear the door lock. 

I glance around the room not really seeing. I walk over to the corner with the pillow and blanket and slide down the wall to sit on the floor. My arms circle my knees and I rest my cheek on one. Tears continue to roll down my face and drip onto my legs and onto the floor.