So ReTHINK is a Christian Conference. Yeah, the guy that I keep ranting about went. I saw him. I was too awkward to go say hi. I mean what would I even say after that? I would just make even more of a fool of myself. Told Desi a title but about him. The first thing she says after I finished was why are all of my friends talking to boys? Like I'm just out here tryna not die. And I was a little taken back by that. Cus I barely said anything about him. I only see him as a friend. Or so I tell myself. I don't really need any of this. Love is stupid. It only hurts people. And I'm tired of being the one who gets hurt. And I don't want people getting hurt because of me. But back to the point, I don't like him. Or so I've been telling myself. Back when he said we should go see Hamilton together, steph asked if I liked him. I had just brushed it off as friends. But desi basically said the exact thing. So that got me thinking. Thinking about how he is really kind and sweet and smart. Did I mention that he's my type, too? So I declared that I didn't like him. Then I won't say I'm in love started playing on my phone. And I was like hold up. Cus we were texting earlier. Every time the texting bubble came up I couldn't look. I put my phone down and buried my mace into my pillow. When he said he did go to ReTHINK I got super happy. I'm also a little dry over text and have a habit of leaving someone mid convo. Which is wut happened when we were texting. So yeah. That played not long after we were texting. And I was like I don't like him. Cus he was the person that popped in my head. And I was listing all of his good parts like yeah he's almost perfect and totally my type but I don't like him. I see him as a friend. I totally don't wish we hung out more or knew each other better. And then I was like crap. I might actually like him. But I'm not mentally ready for a relationship right now. And love has only hurt people. So why go rushing off into some cheesy and disgusting lovey dovey relationship. Him. He was the only thing I could think of while journaling.
Yearning for answers,
A confused pancake
