So, uhm, I told the boys. Not about the voices. But about bottling it all up and being insecure about feeling shit. And the fact that Kris attempted suicide on Monday. She's going to a mental hospital tomorrow. She'll be staying there for at least two weeks. I yell at myself when I feel things. Here I am yelling at myself for being numb at this point. I can't make up my mind as to whether or not I am allowed to have feelings. I got mad at myself for being proud on Monday. I finished just under half of my assignments for the week. After dinner, Steph called saying Kris attempted. I yelled at myself for crying during the call and in the shower. When I finally stopped in the shower, I got mad at myself because I wasn't crying. Was I not sad one of my best friends had just attempted that day? Am I really that pitiful? Do I even deserve the friends I have. That's how I started off my week. They don't know the last bit, but they know about the numbness and Kris. I want to tell them more. But I'm scared. Scared that they'll judge me. Scared they'll tell people. I don't know. I'm just scared. And lately, scared and depressed seem to be the only feelings I have.
Hope you're staying safe,
A dumbass hoe
