In the Silence

Chapter 1: Sorrow

So here we go, my very first fanfiction. This story is very slow paced, but we will get to the good stuff, I promise ;). After watching The Rise of Skywalker, I left the theatre somewhat confused and not fully satisfied. I am CONVINCED Ben Solo deserved better. It was good, yes, but also very rushed.

I also (used to?) make series on YouTube (under the same alias) using the Sims 3 (yeah.. I know) and someday maybe, MAYBE, I'll turn this story into one as well. But I'll need better equipment before I can do that lol. Same reason why my YT channel has been dead silent for the past 3 years *whoops*

You're set up for being pulled on your heartstrings in this one, as I won't make it too easy on them to get back together *mwhuhuhaha* HEA guaranteed tho!

The song that was my inspiration for all this was In the Silence by J.P. Cooper, go check it out, it's really good!

Disclaimer:
I do not make any money doing this, nor do I intend to. Star Wars and all it's characters belong to Lucasfilm/House of Mouse respectively. No copyright infringement intended.

Little footnote: Sorry if there are any spelling/grammar errors. English isn't my native language. The story is rated T for now, but may upgrade to M due to smut, because I'm trash.
Buckle up, enjoy and let me know what you think!

P.S. Adam Driver is bae, and that's science! Fight me ;P

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I've been seeking silver linings, feeling incomplete. Oh I wish it didn't taste so bittersweet.

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There she stood, after all that had happened on Exegol. She felt like she would never be the same again. As she watched the dual suns set over the rolling desert dunes of Tatooine, she pondered. She wanted to sort out what exactly had happened. She hadn't quite wrapped her head around it.
'Why don't you go back to the ship, BB-8? Start getting things ready, I'll be there soon.' BB-8 chirped excitedly in response and the little ball-droid rolled off.

Even though she longed for solitude greatly, she didn't dare to be fully alone. She was grateful Poe insisted she bring BB-8 with her. For she feared the loneliness would be so much worse than what she had always experienced on Jakku. It was because of the crippling silence she felt in her entire being at this very moment..

The past years, from the moment they got into eachothers heads on Starkiller Base, she had sensed him, heard him, felt him. Wherever she went, he was always with her. She could feel what he felt. And as the bond grew stronger, she could sometimes even hear his thoughts.
At the time she was scared, what if he was aware of such bond? She didn't dare reveal to him that she was able to hear him. What if he were to manipulate her? Chase her? But he never did. Not until after the battle of Crait that was...
Don't be afraid, I feel it too she heard the memory of his voice inside her head. The circumstances at the time were wholly different, yet the memory of his voice made her heart soar. If only he had known the meaning of what he had said..
He was always in the back of her mind, lingering, listening, waiting. Until she, unknowingly, reached out and he first appeared to her.

Now for the first time in ages, her mind was quiet. It unnerved and saddened her greatly. He was gone, and not coming back. A single tear trickled down her cheek.

She knew it was her duty to go out into the galaxy and train an all new generation of Jedi. Yet she felt so broken, so torn apart inside. She couldn't bring herself to do it. Not yet, maybe never.
Her heart was filled with sorrow, for when she had finally found him, really found him, she had lost him. Part of her soul died with Ben.

Ben. It had always been Ben. Even before she had touched the Skywalker lightsaber and saw her first vision of him. She was reminded of his intense, pleading eyes that mirrored his mothers'. The strong, unusual features in his face. In retrospect, she had always felt drawn to something, someone. But never dared to act on it, in fear of missing her parents' return.

Her parents. After all that had happened, she still didn't know who they were. The only thing she knew was that they were... well... Palpatine. As soon as she found out her true heritage, she swore to renounce the name and her family altogether. Anything but being Palpatine. Anything but being looked upon as the granddaughter of the greatest Sith lord that had ever been, Darth Sidious.

To honor her former Masters, Luke and Leia, she decided to be Skywalker from there on out. Though it didn't feel quite right, as she wasn't a Skywalker by blood. They'd given her everything she never had. Family, purpose, a sense of belonging.

And now, she felt more lost than ever, all alone. Han was gone, Luke was gone, Leia was gone, Ben was gone... She still had Finn, Poe, Rose.. But they could never fully grasp what she was going through, being the only Jedi master in the entire known Galaxy.

She felt something creeping up on her and was startled greatly. REY! she heard all of a sudden, more a gust of wind than an actual voice. As old Jakku habits die hard, she cried out and drew her golden lightsaber. In an attempt to chase the intruder away, she lashed out.

There it was again. The silence. The crippling silence.. Her lightsaber fell out of her hand and powered down before it touched the sand. Tears welled up in her eyes as she felt her breath stirring in her chest, as if she were preparing to scream. She fell to hear knees as she uttered a heartwrenching sob.