In the Silence

Chapter 5: Memoirs of a Sith

And though I've never said it with words. There is love.. In the silence.

_

Ben was in deep concentration, meditating on how to get back to Rey. He didn't know for how long he had been like that, it could have been days, but mere hours as well. It hadn't paid off, however. He felt as lost as he was when he woke up. He thought he had sensed her presence a moment ago, but it passed as soon as he sensed it. Hope had fluttered in his heart. He concentrated even more. 'Show me the way..' he whispered eventually.

He sensed a presence stirring nearby, though he was certain it wasn't Rey. He reluctantly opened his eyes to see who the intruder was. He was taken aback by whom he saw. He saw a young man, about his age, maybe a little younger. He was a Force ghost. The man had long, dark blonde hair and a scar across his right eye, donned in dark brown Jedi robes of old. Ben thought he recognized him, though he was certain he had never seen him before. 'Who are you? Ben asked as he stared at the man and remained silent, not sure what to do or say. At last, the man spoke.

'You've asked for my guidance many times before. I couldn't show myself to you. Not yet at least. Now that you have allowed yourself to let the light in you shine through, I can.' the man stated.
'Grandfather?' Ben asked hesitantly.
'Yes. I've come to show you something. Walk with me.' Anakin Skywalker instructed as he led the way.
Ben couldn't imagine a man who looked so normal, so friendly and so surprisingly.. good to be capable of doing what Darth Vader had done. Ben stood up, slowly. He followed his grandfather while still feeling very unsure.

'I sense great confusion in you, what's bothering you?' Anakin asked curiously.
'Isn't that obvious? I'm stuck here with no way out. You don't happen to know where the exit is, do you?' Ben said in an attempt to lighten the mood. Anakin chuckled.
'There once was an exit, you know. Ezra Bridger, a Jedi padawan, destroyed it many years ago.' What? It sounded like his grandfather was trying to have casual small-talk with him. It almost seemed hilarious in the current circumstances, but it had sparked Ben's interest nonetheless.
'Why did he destroy it?' he asked eventually.
'The Emperor attempted to use this place to gain more power. Bridger stopped him from doing so.' Ben nodded and Anakin continued: 'The World between Worlds is a vast place. It is a place of what has been, what is and what will be. But the future is very erratic, as it can change drastically by the slightest turn of events.' He warned.

It felt like they were turning a corner, but it was hard to tell in the darkness that surrounded them. Ben was surprised to see what he saw. There were portals, many portals. Like the one he had seen Rey in. In every single one, a different scene was shown. They walked by many. Ben didn't know where to look, as there was so much to be seen.

Ben lingered in front of one portal. He saw himself as a young man. In watching the memory, Ben recalled the despair he felt then. It was the day his uncle, Luke Skywalker, had betrayed him. It was also the day he had turned to the Dark side, a memory he thought he had long supressed and forgotten. But nothing could be farther from the truth. Seeing the memory reopened old wounds.
In the memory, he saw himself aboard a transport, on his way to the First Order. He sat in a corner, alone, on top of a crate. On the other side of the ship, the other padawans Ben had brought with him sat brotherly together. They laughed, their mood was festive. These were the men that would one day become his Knights of Ren. Ben had never felt so alone in his life. Not up until then, that was.

Anakin stood behind him and lay a hand on Ben's shoulder. Ben looked away from the portal and his sad eyes met his grandfathers'. A knowing look lay in those wise, blue eyes. 'I heard them too, when I was starting to turn.' He paused as he squeezed Ben's shoulder 'I still sense much shame in you, for giving in to those whispers. Look, you can try to hide from it, but it will always come back to haunt you, if you do not embrace it. It is done, you can't change it. You cannot go on with your life wondering "What if", it is what destroyed me. Only when Luke came for me, did I let go.' Anakin admitted. 'Come, there's something I want you to see.' He said as he continued to walk the corridor of portals. Ben followed. He couldn't shake the feeling the memory has stirred in him.