Oscillation | [H.S]

Chapter 30

When I woke up, Harry was sitting against the headboard while scrolling through his phone. I was still on top of the blankets, my body feeling cold to the touch. From under my lashes I looked at Harry's face which was, sadly, impassive. 

"Harry?" I whispered unsurely, trying to observe his mood. His eyes shot to me, eyebrows frowned and then he focussed back on his phone again without a word. I knew immediately; I had ruined it. He was ignoring me now. I tried to hold back the tears that burned in my eyes from the rejection. As he said yesterday, he was the only one that cared. 

Nobody had looked for me. They probably didn't even know my name or the fact that I was missing as Harry had taken my papers from the orphanage as well. And on top of that I had taken his kindness for granted. I was stupid enough to try and escape from someone that expressed kindness to me in such a long time. 

My body curled more upon itself, away from Harry, and I dug my nails into my lower arm out of anger. How could I be so naive?! Here was a man that took care of me, gave me food, warmth, a shelter and clothes. All I had to give back was my obedience. That wasn't that hard, was it? 

Then why was I so bad at it? 

Harry got up from the bed without saying anything and disappeared out of the room a little while later. He didn't come back, not even when I looked at the clock an hour later. My body was almost too stiff to move when I uncurled myself as my bladder was starting to hurt me too much.

It only took one glance at the mirror to see why Harry ignored me. I looked hideous once again. My hair was greasy, dull, and tangled, the bags under my eyes were enormous and the necklace of bruises didn't help either. The white of my eyes was bloodshot from crying. To think I was so happy with my weight-loss yesterday, all I could see now was the skin being pulled too tight over brittle bones. 

I could only just resist punching the mirror, knowing it would get me into trouble. I was so fed up with myself and the world and especially Harry. I just didn't know what to do. My hands were shaking and I just needed to vent. Then my eye fell on the bathtub.

That might be a good idea. I put the temperature the highest it could go and loaded the tub with every kind of soap I could find. I felt dirty and disgusting and needed to rub it off. While the tub was filling up, I snatched a hairbrush from the counter and started trying to get the tangles out. 

In the end, the tangles only ended up worse. With a frustrated scream I threw the brush against the mirror and ran downstairs to the kitchen where I snatched the scissors from the cutlery drawer. My breath was erratic once I stood in front of the mirror again. Without a second thought I grabbed a hand full of my hair and started cutting. 

And cutting.

Until the tangles were all gone and my hair wasn't even falling over my shoulders anymore. I threw the scissors on the ground on top of my long locks. I didn't bother cutting it nicely as I was simply glad that the long hair was out of my way. The itch in my hand had lessened slightly but I was still buzzing with too many emotions.

So, even though I knew the water of the tub was way too hot, I stepped into it anyway and let it burn my skin without making a noice. Tears streamed down my face, turning into full sobbing after a while as all the emotions came out. 

It took about and hour, maybe even more for the water to become a normal temperature and sooth my burned skin. I was laying in the tub now, floating away to my own little, peaceful world. I had peeked at my skin a while ago and knew it was bright red. It hurt to the touch. 

"Emma." Harry's soft voice woke me up and pulled me harshly away from the little fantasy I had been living in. When I opened my eyes, he was crouched next to the tub. His eyes were on my face, not even on my naked body. I couldn't get myself to cover up, too tired and hurt to move.