Cupid De Locke | Frerard

[12]

Gerard's POV

-

I clutch Frank's body in my arms as he grows limp; his head lolling on my chest, leaning against my arm. I can feel his unsteady breaths touch my neck as I cry softly.

The burning cars before us, one abandoned and the other flipped on its side, light our bloody faces in the dark. My cheeks sting with salty tears and thick blood running cold.

My phone lies in a patch of ice on the ground, having just called 911.

This is my fault.

-

I admire the engagement ring from its box, hiding it in my coat pocket as I hear Frank's footsteps coming towards me in the snow. A few hours and I can call him mine.

"Hey, what're you looking at?" Frank asks, smiling.

"Oh, it's nothing, I was just, uh... texting Mikey about the concert tickets." I respond nervously, my face suddenly growing hot.

"Oh, I see. Did he manage to get some for us, then?" He seems to buy the lie I just made up, despite it being slightly nonsensical.

"Yeah, he'll be at the stadium with them in a bit." I nod, "He's worked his ass off for these tickets. I think he's sold about twenty-five bootleg Disney movies in like, a week to get them." I laugh.

"Mikey will do literally anything for Smashing Pumpkins tickets, won't he?"

"Yeah, it's crazy." I roll my eyes, getting into the driver's seat of the car, Frank getting into the passenger's seat beside me. "It's like- he doesn't give a shit about the cops showing up at our Mom's front door or anything- he just needs his Smashing Pumpkins tickets to fuel his addiction. And for some reason the only way he thinks he can actually get them is well- by selling shitty unreleased Disney movies. No fucks given."

"That's hardcore, to be fair."

We both giggle, before I start the car and pull out of the driveway, onto the main road.

A thin sheet of snow paves the roads, bejeweled with ice. Frank stares at it in awe.
"You think it's gonna snow more tonight?" he asks, excited.

"Maybe." I smile, imagining what it would be like for snow to fall upon the open roof of the stadium as the band plays, proposing to Frank at the perfect moment. He's gonna be so fucking happy.

I hear him beside me, rummaging through our little CD compartment. He pulls out an album- Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.
"It feels appropriate. Gotta prepare ourselves for the show tonight"

I laugh. "Good choice. I think the title of this album is how I'm gonna feel after it's over."

"Hah, me too. God, I hate post-concert blues."

-

The album comes to a close. Snow layers heavily upon the vast countryside roads. Despite the clock only reading 7:14, it looks and feels much later into the night.

"You know, I love you. I love you so, so much." I smile, turning to Frank, whose eyes are beginning to grow heavy.

"I love you too, Gee." He smiles back, wearily.

"You just mean so much to me-"

I'm cut off by a sharp scream.

"OH MY GOD, GERARD, LOOK OUT!"

-

I cry over Frank, his body now completely limp against mine.
"Please, stay with me."

"G-Gee..." he says, weakly, "It hurts..."

"Frank- I- Oh my god. Stay awake for me, please, Frankie," I plead, pulling him tighter to me and pressing my lips against his blood-splattered forehead. "Shhh, it's okay. You're safe now..." I lie.

He opens his mouth to speak, but it's all too much for his frail body to handle. He lets out a pain-drenched groan and drops his hand from his chest. His eyes slip shut, finally succumbing to a riptide of unconsciousness.

"Frank? Can you hear me? Frank?!"

"No, no, no, please, look at me." My voice becomes shaky and panicked. I gently tap the side of his face with the palm of my hand, shaking his head slightly, in an attempt to wake him up.

"Stay with me, stay with me, please, please. Open your eyes... I'm so sorry."

"I can't lose you. I can't lose you." My cries become screams.

Blood runs through my fingers like the sand of an hourglass.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey. It's okay. It's going to be okay. You're okay. I promise." My screams become hoarse, strained whimpers.

"I promise, we'll be okay." I grab his hand and squeeze it as tight as I can, my other arm still cradling him against my body.
I feel a slight squeeze back.

"Look, baby, look!" I exclaim, smiling hysterically in the midst of my sorrows, "You're doing so well. So, so fucking well, come on. Just wake up, please," I pant.

Despite being unconscious, Frank's face is still stricken with fear and panic. I can tell he's clinging on for dear life at this point; his body fighting to stay alive. The guilt begins to settle in, stinging me like it's being branded into my skin with a hot iron. I did this.

I could have saved him.

"I'm so sorry."

I hear the faint wailing of an ambulance in the distance.

"Look, we're going to be fine. Just hang on, okay? We'll be alright soon. They're nearly here now."

I can feel his pulse slowing down as I grab his wrist. His breaths are becoming less frequent. More labored and short. The crimson trails of his life seep out of his glass-embellished wounds and weave into the frost below us.

Meanwhile, the weight of the unworn engagement ring in my pocket holds me down.

"Baby... please..."

The wails of the ambulance sirens grow closer and closer.

-

Frank's body is laid out across a stretcher. A paramedic sits beside me, asking me questions about the accident. I can't think. I can't feel.

Everything is a blur. The voices around me are fuzzy, as though I'm being dragged underwater by my feet.

"Can you tell me how the accident happened?"

"Rip his shirt off."

"Sir?"

"Check his vitals."

"Mr Way, can you hear me?"

"He isn't responding."

"Do you need a glass of water, sir?"

"We need to defibrillate him, stat!"

The voices begin to fade out. My vision becomes hazy-

-

I shoot up in a cold sweat, panting, my eyes bolted forwards and unmoving.
Tearing up, I reach for Frank on the other side of the bed, longing to be held as I cry in his arms.

But there's nobody there. Just a cold, empty spot where he once lay a couple of weeks ago.

This wasn't just a dream. It's the memories. They're all coming back.

I lay back down and curl up into a ball. My tears stain my bedsheets like raindrops as I cry gently.
"Frankie, come back. It hurts."

I'm a fucking monster.