Crushing on Sin

Chapter 1: When Sin Enters Her Thoughts

I must have had sexual fantasies about him a thousand times a day, mostly at night with my sex toys nearby.

During these moments I found out a lot about myself; well my sex life that is.

Never in my life have I ever had over 3 orgasms within 2 hours.

Oh boy!

The pressure on my body was getting out of control, but it felt so good during the process as I slept like a baby after each session.

I didn't have to take any sleeping pills on those days to make me go to sleep as I was out like a light bulb.

For some reason when I was finished giving up the goodies and went to wipe off, I could not face myself in the mirror.

I literally could not look at myself because I felt ashamed lusting on an imaginary pictorial of a crush in bed.

So, as I walked into the bathroom, I made sure the lights were off and the only thing that I could see in the mirror was a dark shadow of my reflection.

I couldn't even face the shadow at times, so I kept my head away from any visuals of myself.

This was a well-kept secret between me, myself, and I, but then again, I am a Christian and often wondered if God looks down on me doing the things that I do and just turn his head while I'm doing it.

Or are my guardian Angels shaking their heads in disbelief and saying,

"well she still has breath in her human body, and she's stuck on earth so she's going to sin, might as well go all out!"

After each orgasm, I asked for forgiveness because it's a sin to look upon any person that's not your wife or husband and have sexual desires.

The good book says to cut off the hand that causes you to sin and boy oh boy did I try, but days later I seem to find that hand again, glue it back on, and reuse it.

It was starting to affect me at work because the person that I was crushing on worked alongside me every day.

I often thought to myself

"Am I the only person that takes a crush to bed or have sexual fantasies about someone who I barely talk to or know, or is this a way of mankind and the feelings and emotions that (Mother Nature) has equipped us with?"

Either way it goes he was getting a piece of ass on a regular basis and he didn't know it.

Sheesh! Only if this man knew he was scoring points with a chick while not really being there.

When I first took the job, I didn't know what I was up against and didn't know if I'd even like the position as I was transferring from "Corporate America" into teaching. I'll never forget the first two weeks of me being there as I was in a classroom with two other workers (Tasha and Lucia), and they knew I was one unhappy camper.

Tasha and Lucia were unhappy too, and matter of fact they seemed unhappy working with each other. I felt a sense of strife between the two but tried not to let it affect me because I was dealing with issues that were more serious to me.

I was getting my ass whooped by some little kids that could barely talk. I remember being so frustrated to the point that I thought I was going to lose my job and go to jail by fighting these elementary students.

I was upset at the fact that the punches and chairs being thrown at me by them did hurt.

I remember going home several days sobbing and crying and thinking

"What in the hell did I just get myself into?"

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