HAPPINESS - [Oikawa x reader]

9

Love.

What is love?

Some say it's the greatest feeling in the world while others say it's not. Many describe it as something that brings you true happiness- a state of joy and being happy.

But how do you define happiness?

I was confused back then. So deluded and blinded with my own needs that I never looked over his. Is that where I went wrong?

"Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you!" My classmate growled, snatching the book from my hands, throwing it across the room, "What are you? Deaf? Seriously? Ugh, is that one of your 'best' qualities? To never listen to anyone?"

I kept quiet. I had my head lowered down, staring blankly at my desk as I listened to her words.

"But like, I mean that makes sense. Oikawa was so right to leave you behind. I can't believe he acted way too nice- he's such a good person to the point he even spends time with someone like you!"
-
'Why am I treated differently? What... is wrong with me?'

'Everything,' I told myself.
I raised a hand in the air before swinging it across my face- leaving a burning, stinging sensation on my cheek.

Angry, I slapped myself again. And again. And again. And again as I wandered in my thoughts.

'Everything! Everything about you is wrong. Your mother is disappointed at the way you turned out. Why can't you be like your brother? Someone that everyone actually respects and look up to. Losing Tooru didn't make a difference. It only showed how much you relied on his company because you couldn't force yourself to socialise and make friends. And now, where did that lead you?

That's right.

Alone.

You have no one.

This is reality.

Everyone has the right to treat you this way. You've brought this upon yourself.

Blame no one else but you.

Everything that's happened in your life is your choice, therefore it is your fault.

You don't deserve to feel happiness or love.

You're better off suffering in silence.

Stop relying on anyone.

Just keep it to yourself.'

So why am I...?

"...I love you." He confessed, his forehead resting against mine as he continued to tower over me.

There was a comfortable silence at his sudden confession- though it did not prevent us from hearing the fast acceleration of our heartbeats.

I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. Yes, I was confused. Very confused.

But at what?

My chest was bubbling with excitement yet I couldn't bring myself to express it. Did I have feelings for him? Did I really feel the same?

Though... what was the point of me asking myself questions? He was right in front of me.

He was there.

"Tooru," I called out softly, gently moving his face at a safe distance from mine as I sat up from the bed, "I don't know how I feel."