goodnight | junhao au

36.

Shit shit shit shit.

"Jun?" Minghao walked up to the elder, who sat behind the piano. Tears were streaming over his cheeks and he saw how he aggressively tried to wipe them away. What was no use since you could still clearly see the red marks right under his eyes. I fucked this up..

"A-are you okay?" Minghao, again, swallowed away a lump of tears that was stuck in his troath. It was his turn to be strong and take care of the elder, who mostly took care over him. He needed to show him it was all a wrong intention. Because Minghao loved Junhui and he figured at this point, Junhui might've actually loved him too. And if he didn't fix things right now he would lose this. Safety. His home. 

He walked up to Junhui, ready to pull him in a hug. But just before he reached him, the elder stood up, eyes shooting a panicked look. Junhui made a step backwards, holding out his hand and signaling Minghao couldn't come any closer near him. 

"Minghao, p-please.. no." His voice sounds weak and filled with pain. He couldn't even look Minghao back in his eyes what made him realize what he did to him. 

"Jun, please let me explain." 

"There's no-nothing to explain Minghao." Junhui spat back, harshly. He looked up and shot his eyes right into Minghao's eyes. His eyes were filled with hurt and pain, but also anger. A look Minghao never seen in his eyes before and for some reason it scared him. 

"Please just let me-" But before he could even end his sentence Junhui interrupted him, yelling at him in anger. "Minghao you fucking kissed a girl in front of me. And I shouldn't even feel like this because you're not my boyfriend. But that's the problem. I.. I... I-" But a bog sob came in between his words and before he could even end his sentence he picked up his belongings and ran away. 

"Please wait!" Minghao couldn't keep it in anymore. He couldn't bare to see Junhui leaving him behind and at this point tears were also running down his face. Junhui stopped right in the doorway and without looking back he spoke his last thing to Minghao. 

"I'm sorry Minghao.. I can't do this.. I'll be sleeping at Wonwoo tonight.." And with that he left the practice room. Leaving Minghao behind. 

Minghao's tears started running harder than ever before and he collapsed on the floor, hugging his knees tightly as he sat down. With a lot of muffled sobs he started crying louder. He couldn't keep in a single thing and everything he had been holding back for so long came out. 

He loved Junhui. He loved him so much. He couldn't even imagine the pain that it would bring him when the boy would leave him. And now it happened. It happened because it was all his fault. He fucked everything up, right in front of Junhui's eyes..

He was all alone again. And just like before, everything turned against him and left him. The one person he ever loved with all his heart, who felt like his safe heaven, walked away. He was so mad at himself for breaking their promise and he felt horrible. 

How was he going to be able to fix it this time? If he even was able to do that..

/\_/\

Minghao entered their apartment in darkness. Of course there weren't any light turned on, Junhui was with Wonwoo after all. Probably not worrying about him and having a peaceful night. 

He dropped his bag in the middle of the living room and slumped towards Junhui's bedroom, not bothering to eat or wear his pajama or even sleep in his own bed. He wasn't even hungry and all he wanted was to fall asleep, embraced in Junhui's safe scent and forget about everything for a moment. 

After opening his bedroom door, tears started forming in the corners of his eyes again. Junhui wasn't there.. Of course he wasn't, but it only made it harder when it was confirmed.. He wouldn't be there to hold him.. To stop him from crying and to make him forget everything. He wouldn't be there to sing a song until he fell asleep or to brush trough his hair. 

He dropped himself on Junhui's side of the bed, on top of his dark sheets and took in the safe scent of Junhui. His crying only got worse when he grabbed Junhui's pillow and pulled it closer against his chest, snuggling his nose into it to take in more of his addicting scent. 

"Hui...." He cried out with a shaky voice. "P-please come back to me... Please don't leave me..."

All he could do was think about Junhui and his safety. His eyelids started to feel heavy and he tried to comfort himself with the thought of Junhui being with him right now. He imagined the reassuring things he would say to him, the warmth radiating off his body and his fingers swirling through his hair. And even though it wasn't real and it might be all a lie, he believed in it. 

For a moment he believed everything would be alright. Junhui would be there for him again. They could let this in their past and move on. Even though they were never together as official boyfriends, they would be okay. 

Of course it wasn't real, but for Minghao, who lay in Junhui's bed crying his heart out, it felt real. And just for a moment, that was more than enough to him.  

After he cried for what felt like forever, his eyes started to close. One day it would all be alright, he kept saying over and over again to himself. 

"J-J..Junhui...." He whispered right before he totally drifted off.

"I love you.."