goodnight | junhao au

21.

It's the dream again.. One of the so many that couldn't stop visiting him when he fell asleep every night. The ones that hurt the most. 

Minghao sat straight in his bed as he wiped away the sweat that was forming on his forehead. He tried his hardest to keep his breath steady, so he could avoid having a panic attack again. 

The harsh words of his father and the bullies at school kept ghosting trough his mind. "You're not good enough." "Your mother is dead because of you." "Look at that pathetic piece of shit." "It would be better if he killed himself already." "That punk with the emo hair." 

And just like always, the tears started flowing again. He hugged his legs, softly shaking himself back and forth as he tried to calm himself down. But he knew it wasn't going to work this time. The crying only got way worse and he felt his body started trembling already. 

Maybe a cup of tea would help? If he kept his sobs silently enough he could move on with some tea on the kitchen table. The clock showed him it was 2 am, so Junhui would probably be asleep at this hour anyways. So if he just went softly, he wouldn't notice it.

He got out of his bed, tears still flooding from his eyes. When he walked into the kitchen he tried to keep his volume down, but because of the big amount of panic that raced trough his body, he wasn't able to fully control it. 

After he made himself a cup of tea, he sat down on the kitchen table, laying his head in his arms. The tea was still way too hot to drink already, so he just had to wait and cry until the tea was ready.

/\_/\

A strange feeling woke Junhui up from his sleep. He turned around to see what time it was and groaned after he saw it was just 2 am. He wanted to turn around again, until he heard more noises. 

Minghao? 

Did he wake up? It sounded like he walked trough their apartment. Why was he up around this hour? Couldn't he sleep? Did he wake up? Was he perhaps hungry? 

Junhui tried to stay as silent as possible to pick up any more possible sounds Minghao might make. If it even was Minghao. What if they got robbed? No that couldn't be, he didn't hear the door. 

Then suddenly a soft sound was heard. It was so soft Junhui could barely hear it, but he felt like he heard it clear enough. It was.. a sob? He heard it again, this time more a sniffing sound. They continuously kept on going and Junhui started to worry. Minghao wasn't crying right? 

Without second thoughts he got up and almost ran over to the door. Please be okay.. He thought to himself. What would be going on? Why was he crying? If he even was crying.

Quietly he opened the door, only leaving it ajar so he could peek over to the kitchen table, on which Minghao was seated. His face was buried in his arms and his shoulders went up and down on the rhythm of the sobs, that were now clearly heard. 

"Oh no.. Minghao, why are you crying? What's going on?" Junhui quickly walked over to him, while Minghao lifted his head with the speed of light. His face was covered with tears and his eyes looked red and puffy. 

Junhui felt horrible for seeing Minghao like this, so vulnerable and hurt, and the only thing he wanted to do was to comfort him and tell him it would be alright. That he was there for him.. But he felt like frozen, standing in front of the heavily crying guy.

The next thing that happened was totally unexpected. Minghao suddenly stood up from his chair and got closer to him. 

"J-Junhui..." And with that he shoved his arms under Junhui's and he pulled himself totally against the elder.

/\_/\ 

Junhui's voice scared Minghao and made him look in his direction. 

Oh no... what would he think of me right now? I look so pathetic.. 

But the worried look his eyes gave him seemed so honest. It gave him the feeling he cared. After so long, someone truly cared about his well-being. Even though he looked like this and totally broke down, he cared.

The only thing he could think of at that moment was to do just one certain thing. He got up from his chair and slung his arms around the elders waist as he pulled himself as close as possible. He buried his nose into his shoulder, since Junhui was a little taller, and he kept sobbing. 

He felt a little released when Junhui hugged him back. He really was there for him, without making him feel awkward, else he wouldn't be hugging him right now.. 

"Hey... shhhh... it's okay, take it easy Hao.." 

There it was again, the little nickname he loved so much. But only when Junhui's voice called him that way. How such a little thing could flip his entire world upside down.. 

"I-I'm so s..s..sorry..." The muffled voice came out of Junhui's shoulder. 

"Don't be sorry... it's okay really, I'm here for you." 

Minghao took in Junhui's safe scent for the first time, which worked so calming to him. It was a mixture between something fresh and sweet.. strawberries maybe? It smelled.. good and safe. Addicting, probably. 

A hand reached the back of his head and gently started petting his hair, which felt safe and secure to the younger. He felt like he could stay inside the taller his arms forever. 

"What happened?" 

Even though Minghao loved to explain everything to him, tell him every burden that has been hanging to his shoulders, he felt like he shut off again. The only person he didn't wanted to lose was holding him at that moment, how could he tell him when a precious moment like this happened? What if he'd hurt him too? It would be for the best if he didn't told him about it. 

But it was too heavy. And he knew he couldn't carry it any longer on his own.. The nightmares only got worse and he started to sleep less. The traumatic memories had been with him for too long and it wouldn't take long for Minghao to fall back in his depression again and to break down. That would be the last thing he wanted right now. Not now he finally found someone who was actually there for him. 

Of course he didn't know if he'd understand him if he told his whole story. But the main thing was, he was here right now, holding him and trying to stop him from crying. He tried his best to make him feel comfortable and in all those years he was the only one who did that. Junhui was also the first person who saw him being fragile and vulnerable, unlike everyone who only knew his happy and bubbly side. But he couldn't hid it anymore, especially not around Junhui, who made him show his other side. 

Who made him feel like he could show it to him.

"J..Junhui?" 

"Yes Hao?" 

He breathed in deeply before asking him one little thing he was scared of the most. The thing he wanted to know before telling anything from his awful past. The part he'd rather keep closed, while he knew it wouldn't take much longer for Junhui to find out.

"Can you please promise me you won't leave..."