[onhold] Through All Seasons

7│Winter: 'But I still want you.'

Did he just...? 

I was speechless. I am NOT a this. 

Anger burned inside of me. Somewhere deep within, a wall cracked where I always hid behind when things got messy.

I stood up. "How dare you? Don't you have some respect for fellow human beings? Here you cannot hide behind your beautiful face. For me at least, you have just shown your true face and it's ugly. Damn ugly." I almost shouted. "And for the record, I AM NOT A THIS. Write it behind your ears, dumbass." 

Holy crap. 

Everyone just looked at me in silence. Kyle formed a silent o. Collin just looked at me without movement in the face. He looked like he couldn't care less. 

"At least now I understand why it's called drama class." Some girl, a row behind me, said. 

"Alright, umm... thanks River, I guess. Please read the script now. Thanks." Thomas called out through the microphone. I looked at him in disgust. Thanks for nothing, Thomas. 

The fire was still burning inside of me, but as time moved on, I felt bad. Even guilty. This was not me. I don't shout and swear. Especially not in front of people. Especially not in front of people I value. 

I moved to the far end of the auditorium and dropped down the wall. I flipped through the pages and prepared myself what I was going to read. And what I will have to perform with asshole over there on the stage. 

Somebody came over and sat right beside me. Don't you see I want to be alone?  But I didn't look up.

"Hey." A rough voice said. 

It was Collin of course. That guy knows no boundaries. 

"You are some crazy girl," Collin chuckled. "Never thought to hear those words out of your mouth." 

"Go away." I meant it. "Leave me alone." He probably didn't even consider that his words could hurt other peoples feelings and I meant every word I said before. Maybe it was a joke to him, but not to me. 

"No can't do. You have to get used to me, partner." The way he said partner made me feel sick. He already put me in more uncomfortable situations that I would ever like to be in. 

"Then at least be quiet." I knew he wouldn't go if I pushed him. 

He shut his mouth and we both read through the screenplay. With each page, I worried more. 

'And Lily looked at James, feeling nothing but love. Forbidden love.' Ugh. How was I suppose to play this? 'James slowly took Lily's face into his hands and tilted her chin slightly up so their eyes could meet. His eyes shifted to her red lips.' 

How was I suppose to play being in love with this guy? Thomas really put quite an effort into the romance part. I took a quick glance at Collin next to me. 

Sure, I had admired Collin for years, but always from the distance. Even though he took care of me after the party, I really felt nothing but discomfort seeing him now. He was like Jekyll and Hyde. 

Actually... what was that all about? One day, being nice and sweet, the next day being such a douche. Maybe he had multiple personalities? 

Just a guess in the dark. 

What about me on the other side? One day, quiet and invisible, the next day, shouting and swearing, being more than visible. 

He changed me. But I didn't want to change. I wanted things to stay the way they were. At least until I got my High School diploma. 

I read through the entire script. With any other guy, this play would make fun. But in this constellation its absolute horror. I knew many girls envy my position and in general, I had no problem kissing a hot boy, but Collin was too messed up for me. 

At 6 PM, Mrs. Young told us to go home. "See ya'll Wednesday." 

"Can I take you home?" I reached the double-door exit of the auditorium when Collin caught up. 

"No." I hurried away from him towards my bike. Not in a million years.

Later at home, I realized, he didn't even apologize to me. Offering a ride home but no apology for calling me a 'this'?

 I didn't manage to do my homework, my brain and body were too exhausted. 

I stripped down my clothes and got into my comfy pajamas. I brushed my teeth quickly and snug into my warm bed. 

I received a text as soon as my thoughts drifted off. I forgot to turn my phone to silent. 

What the fuck? Dude! I guess that's how far our friendship went. 

I didn't reply. Suddenly I felt very lonely and this world very big. 

What's more important, my dignity, or his stupid play? Maybe I should drop out. I wonder if he'd make a huge fuss about that as well. 

*****

Hello, thank you so much for reading. I rather short chapter, the other ones are longer. 

Please leave a vote, a comment and a follow  ( ͡° ᴥ ͡°) But honestly, a read more makes me happy.