[onhold] Through All Seasons

19│Winter: 'I wanna kiss you but I want it too much.'

When I woke up on Saturday morning I couldn't remember my dream, but I knew it must have been a happy one because I felt lighthearted. 

The hospital staff brought my breakfast which was as horrible as lunch and dinner, one more reason to get out of here as fast as possible. 

"Good morning, how are you feeling today?" The nurse came in to check on me as every morning right after I choked down the food. 

"I'm actually feeling very good," I said and smiled up to her. 

"That's great. You're making good progress." She smiled back as she checked my blood pressure. 

By 1 o'clock, my mom stopped by to bring me another book she had bought. But I wanted her to leave because Collin could show up at any moment. 

"Thanks Mom, I'll be fine. See you tomorrow, thanks for the book," I said as I tried to usher her out of the room. 

"If you need anything..." she started as she tried to turned around again. 

"Yes, yes, Mom, I'll call you. Bye bye." I pushed her slightly towards the door. 

"Somehow I get the feeling you want me gone," she said knowingly. 

"Thats just in your imagination." I rolled my eyes. "Bye Mom." 

"I love you." Then she was gone. 

I went back to my bed and started the book to look busy if he appeared. 

Two hundred pages later, there was a knock on the door. My heart jumped. He made it.

But the boy who appeared wasn't Collin. 

It was Tyler. 

"Tyler? What are you doing here?" I asked, hoping that my voice didn't sound disappointed. 

"Hi River, I'm sorry I only showed up now, but I didn't know you were in the hospital." I sat up as he came closer. "What happened? How are you feeling?" 

"Well... where to start. First of all, you should know, I still suffer from temporary memory loss." I sighed because I had hoped my memory would come back faster, but the past weeks or so were still black. "So maybe you could fill me in what happened between us the past months if you don't mind." 

"Oh," he said in surprise. "I hope your memory comes back fast so you remember the times we had spent together. Those are good memories." He smiled and it made my heart beat faster. "Basically the last time we saw each other, I asked you to spend some time with me this weekend. Something like a date. I thought maybe we could still do it and drive to a lake, chill there. Do you think they let you leave for a few hours?" 

"You mean, like now?" His smile deepened as my inner conflict rose. On the one side, I really wanted to go outside and leave this somber hospital, but on the other side, Collin may came by today and I just knew that he had all the answers I needed. I simply had to find a way to get the information out of him. 

"Yea, I'll go find a doctor and ask." He walked over and kissed my forehead, before he left the room. 

Quickly I got my phone and texted Collin that he could come by at any point after 4PM. 

"If we take it slow, you're free to go," Tyler announced when he came back inside the room. 

"Sounds great, let me get dressed though." I looked down at my pajamas and flinched. 

15 minutes later, I was dressed properly and seated in his car on our way to a lake I had never heard before. 

When we found a nice spot, we sat down and talked. It was amazing how easily we got along, no wonder we were speculated to be dating because I really enjoyed his company. 

"River, I have told you this before, but I want to say it again. I like you. A lot. And even though you don't believe me, I always had an eye on you, since freshmen year." He searched my eyes and when they met, I felt heat rushing through my body. "I won't be starting anything now, but as soon as you're back in school, I will ask you for a date." His look was so stern, it gave me goosebumps. 

I was glad he didn't ask me now for a date because I was too shocked and flustered to answer. And to be honest, I didn't have an answer yet. 

"Let's get you back in this plain hospital room," he said as he stood up. He held out his hand to grab and pulled me next to his side. 

"Thank you for taking me out here. I loved it here," I said smiling. "With you," I added. He squeezed my hand and returned my smile. He didn't let go of me until we reached his car.

Alone in my hospital room, I finally checked my messages. Collin replied that he would come by tomorrow then. I simply wrote 'Ok'. 

I grabbed my book and read until I was too tired to keep my eyes open. 

By 2PM the next day, Collin stepped in. 

"Hey River, how's your head and your arm?" 

"They're much better, thanks for coming by," I said casually as my inner organs did jumping jacks. 

"No problem, shall we start?" He sat down on a chair he pulled next to my bed. 

"Yes." 

We went through the script step by step, but I wasn't fully concentrated because I was thinking about how I could get information out of Collin. 

"So...," I started. "Did I really sleep in your bed after your party?" I laughed insecurely. 

"Yea," Collin said, looking up from the script. "And you were annoying as hell." 

"Oh god, why?" I tried to keep this conversation running by all means. 

"For one, because you wanted to walk back home in the middle of the night, not to mention drunk as fuck and two, because you woke me up early in the morning." Our eyes locked and he must have seen my horror because he added quickly: "but it was also funny because you had your first hangover and you fell out of the bed." 

"I'm glad I don't remember that part." 

"The good and the bad moments make you who you are," he simply stated while he flipped through the script. 

"But nothing happened between us?" I clarified. 

"Funny, you asked the same thing back then." He crooked his smile mischievously. "Who knows?" 

"You know! And I want to know too." 

"River, in all seriousness, I'm the wrong guy to bring back your memory. Give it a bit time, it will come back eventually and then you won't want to talk to me anyway." 

"Don't speak so cryptically," I said frustrated. 

"I know, but I can't talk about it." 

"Args," I said frustrated. In this tempo, I would never reach the truth. 

"I'm sorry River, but I better get going." He brushed my arm with his fingers swiftly like he couldn't decide what to do next. But a second later, he stood and was out of the door. 

That didn't go as planned. Not at all. Damn it. 

Why did he make such a big fuss about it? And why couldn't he simply tell me? 

In a few days, I would be released and I swore I'd find out every single thing from the past months. 

*****

Exactly 1234 words. 

Sorry, it took so long to update. The quarantine goes to my head. How are you keeping up? 

Some facts about me. 13 in total. Thank you for the nomination @florescencee :) 

German. Blue. Tall. Ambitious. Successful. Cat. Taylor Swift. Eight. Under 25. German, English and Spanish. Italian cuisine. Baileys and 43er with milk. South Korea.