What the Hell? (Book 4 Arrow/SPN Crossover)

Soulsearching and Summoning

Sam waited until they got to the iron works since he had to guide Dean through the streets of Starling City. They parked the Impala in a torn up parking lot next to a beat up chain link fence, grabbed their gear and hopped the fence.

“She better be there when we get back.” Dean muttered, “This is not the safest place we've ever parked her.”

“We won't be that far away, we can trade off keeping an eye on her. I don't want to get stranded out here either,” Sam said.

They started unpacking the gear, Dean grabbed chalk and started drawing wards on the walls. “Go find the furnace while I do this. Let's see what we're dealing with.”

Now or never, Sam thought. “Hold up.”

“Now what?” Dean snapped as he kept drawing.

“A little rough on Flash weren't you?”

“Sam, I'm getting real tired of you turning everything I do into proof that I'm going dark side. He's a kid, he shouldn't even be doing what he's doing. He needed a reality check, I gave it to him. End of story.”

Sam nodded, “Reality check? That's what you call it? Okay, how about Lance.”

“Don't know what you're talking about.”

Sam moved so he was in the way of Dean drawing the wards, grabbed the chalk from Dean's hand, dropped it, grabbed his brother's shirt, spun and slammed him into the wall. As soon as Dean's back hit the wall Sam saw it, seething violence swimming in Dean's eyes, utter lack of caring about himself or others and a mocking, sick look as Dean fought it down.

“Bullshit.” Sam snarled, “I'm damn sure Dig and Oliver saw how bad off you are and I barely trust you with a gun. You want me to let you into a confined space with a chick that's controlling ghosts and who knows what else with Oliver and a rank amateur helping us. Think again.”

“Fine, do it yourself then!” Dean shoved Sam back but Sam refused to let go and slammed Dean into the wall again.

“I don't want to do it myself! I want you to let me in!”

The seething violence in Dean's eyes gave way to utter desolation.

“What do you want me to tell you? That I have dreams of killing you almost every night! Of slamming that hammer onto your skull over and over again and laughing while I do? That for a second I saw myself standing over Lance while I pointed his gun between his eyes? That you didn't save me Sam, you just prolonged the inevitable. Is that what you want to hear?”

“Yes!” Sam let go and stepped back, Dean sagged against the wall. “That's exactly what I want to hear.”

“For God's sake why?”

“Because if you tell me what's going on we can work on it together. If you keep it all shoved down it doesn't solve anything.”

Dean looked away and stared off into the distance, “How did you...”

“Did I what?”

“Deal with everything you've been through, with Lucifer, Gadreel, all of it. We never talked about it. I never asked, I should have. I just didn't know how...I mean...”

“By not blaming myself for what I did. Yes, it was my hands that killed Kevin, but it wasn't my choice. When I broke the wall and Lucifer came through, the thoughts and things he made me see, they were his, not mine. The only things I will own up to was what I did when I was soul less, there was nothing else controlling me. It was me, just without empathy and compassion. Was I cold? Sure, hell I was a sociopath, but that's a part of everyone.” Sam took a breath, Dean's walls were crumbling fast now. “Take anyone's soul away and that's what you get. That's what a demon is Dean, it's the side of a person that no longer cares about anything.”