The Power Inside (Kylo Ren)

Twelve

Elle rolled her eyes and awaited Alan's voice to appear suddenly. She was confused when it remained silent. 

"Alan?" 

Yes. 

Elle jumped slightly, "What's up?" 

You said after he left. He's gone now. 

"You have no patience do you?"

I have plenty of patience. Anyways, I need to talk to you about something important.

"Uh sure go ahead." 

You cannot simply die without me going along with you. 

Her face was blank with confusion, "Um what?" 

He said that they were going to kill you so that I could inhabit your body. That can't happen unless you make the choice to. Otherwise, I die with you. 

"Okay so I'll just make the choice and die quickly? Seems simple enough to me." 

Your lack of concern is alarming. You have no desire for life?

"Yeah, pretty much." she responded bluntly. 

Hmm, interesting. Is everyone like you?

"Like me?"

You hate your life. You want it to end.  

"No, most people don't feel that way but , then again, most people haven't suffered through what I have." 

Experience affects emotion? Noted. 

"I'm not your test subject Alan. Is that all you needed to tell me?" 

No, there was something else. You should let yourself experience the emotions you feel when you're with him. 

"It's not that simple. I can't just let go of what i worked so hard to create. I've lived my entire life not feeling anything for anyone and I survived because of it." 

If you are going to die soon anyways, what would the harm be?

"I'd like to die with my dignity at least." 

Your dignity isn't dependent upon the darkness that consumes you. There is zero harm in trying it. We will speak another time. 

"Alan..." 

She sensed that he had left. Elle groaned in frustration then decided to go find TJ. She wanted to apologize and find out if Ren had actually let it go. Thankfully, she was starting to get the hang of navigating to TJ's section and the mess hall. Other than those two places, she was clueless. 

She followed the pattern she came up with to help her remember where to turn. It only took her 10 minutes this time. Elle didn't see TJ anywhere and her heart dropped. 

That asshole couldn't just let it go could he. I swear I'm going to physically ruin him when i get the chance.

She moved around the section silently, checking his normal stations but he wasn't at any of them. Her skin started to burn with anger; she quickly stormed towards her room to wait for Ren. She was almost blind with rage when someone stopped her. 

"What's with the angry stomping, Elle?" It was TJ, looking slightly concerned. 

Elle let out a breath of relief, "Please tell me you weren't reprimanded."

"Not at all. I was going back to get my uniform hat." 

Elle's anger faded away quickly. "Do you want to go eat? I need to ask you something." 

"Sure but I need to grab my hat. I'll meet you in the mess hall...can you make it there on your own?" he teased. 

Elle smirked, "Easily." 

He started towards the engineering section and Elle followed her pattern to help her find the hall. It was pretty crowded when she arrived; the crowd gave her an uneasy feeling. She wasn't used to so many people crammed into one space. Elle spotted an empty table on the other side of the hall. She had to squeeze past soldiers, workers, and troopers to make it there. 

She quickly sat down at the table to slow her sharp breathing. For some reason, she felt like there were eyes on her. Elle scanned the room and noticed a group of soldiers looking towards her. At first, she let it go but their continued stares started to piss her off. She stoop up abruptly and started taking steps towards the soldiers. Her sudden change of position startled them and they all quickly looked back to their food. 

About halfway there, TJ grabbed her arm. "Let it go." 

"But..." 

"Nope. Come on." 

He dragged her back to the table he had seen her sitting at. TJ had been waiting in line to order food for them when he noticed her move abruptly. His eyes jumped from her to the table of soldiers that were looking her way. He quickly jumped out of line and rushed over there, stopping her before she reached them. 

"Sit down and just chill out Elle. I'm going to get back in line. Do not move from this chair." he warned. 

Elle mumbled some swear words as he walked back towards the line. She tried her best to ignore it but she could still feel their eyes on her. A quick glance at their table confirmed that they were still staring and talking. Elle closed her eyes then breathed in and out slowly, attempting to detach from the loud room around her. 

TJ returned and placed the trays down onto the table. He sat across from Elle, expecting her to open her eyes by now but she hadn't. 

"Elle." 

Her eyes quickly opened as she was brought back to reality. "I didn't end up killing them." 

"I know, I thought you had fallen asleep." 

"No I was just blocking everything out." 

They started eating; the food tasted better than usual but still not enough to be considered good. TJ was blocking her view of the table of soldiers and their view of her as well. 

"What did you want to ask me?"

"Huh?" she mumbled as she chewed a piece of food. 

"You said you had something to ask me." 

She swallowed her bite, "Oh right. I need some advice from a normal person." 

His eyes narrowed, "Alright...?" 

"What do 'good' emotions feel like?" 

He stared at her, trying to comprehend what she was trying to ask. "What?" 

"Happiness, compassion, love, and shit like that. What does it feel like."

"It's hard to explain how an emotion feels Elle. Why are you asking?"

"I've never felt what are considered to be "good" feelings." 

"Everyone has felt them; you probably just haven't felt them in a while."

Elle shook her head, "No I really mean never." 

"That's impossible." 

"Okay, just forget I asked." she sighed. Elle stood up and started to walk out of the mess hall.

"Wait, where are you going?" 

Elle ignored him and kept walking; she followed the pattern to her room. Once inside, she shut the door and sat in front of it. She rested her head against the door and stared at the metal ceiling. Everyone seemed to have a habit of disbelieving her and it was starting to piss her off.